She sucked her teeth. “It’s not because he’s a man.”
I quirked an eyebrow. “Then is it because I’m dating in the first place?”
“No.” She didn’t need to say the “duh.” It was implied in her tone. And while both those things were a relief, and she was talking even though she’d said she didn’t want to, I could figure out what her problemwas. I had to walk a fine line here and not push too much.
“All right. Well that’s good to know. I’m very glad to hear you don’t have issues with either of those things. It’s important to me that you know that love comes in all different shapes and sizes, yeah? So know that when you feel like talking and telling me what’s bothering you so much, I’m ready to listen. And if you need to—”
She whipped around. “You lied!”
“Hey,” I said, softly and calmly. “There’s no reason to shout. Please try to be respectful.”
Her eyes were blazing and her attitude was just as high, even if her voice was more even. “Why? You weren’t.”
I took a deep breath. My first instinct was to go on the defensive, to argue back. But from the moment Harper was born, I made a vow to be very intentional in my parenting. Cait and I both had. We wanted to raise kids who didn’t fear their parents, who didn’t have to worry about getting yelled at, and who knew how to regulate their emotions. It hadn’t always been easy. And moments like this made it especially hard.
“Can you explain that?
“Ugh.” Harper clearly thought I was being dense or stupid. I simply waited her out until she relented. “You’re gay. Is that really why you and Mom got divorced?”
“No,” I said firmly, gaze never wavering. “Mom and I told you the truth. We realized we were better as friends. And I’m not gay, I’m bisexual. And yes, Mom has always known.”
I knew that would be her next question, so I answered it before she could accuse me of keeping that a secret too. Emotions warred on her face for a few seconds, from confusion to surprise, before finally settling on anger again.
“Fine! You didn’t tellusyou were bi. And you didn’t tellusyou were dating Oak. That’s still lying!”
I sighed but tried to smile. “First of all, just because you’re my kids and I love you more than anything doesn’t mean you get to know every little detail of my life. I’m a person too, and I’m allowed to keep things to myself if I want to. Sexuality is one of those things you don’t get to know aboutanyoneuntil they’re ready to tell you. Right?”
“Fine,” she grumbled. She folded her arms over her chest and kept glaring. “Fine. That’s true. But you and Oak have been dating for weeks. I thought something was going on. But you didn’t tell us. You kept it a secret.”
“You’re right.”
Her mouth gaped open, surprised, I think, that I agreed with her. It took her a good thirty seconds to gather herself and remember she was supposed to be scowling. “But it’s been weeks, Dad. And I saw you. Sometimes, you look at Oak like Uncle Teague looks at Uncle Charlie. I knew it.”
I should’ve never forgotten, even for a second, just how astute she was. Harper had always been the kid that took in her surroundings, watching people and figuring things out. I should have realized she would have put the pieces together. And I kind of did, but not to this extent. I hadn’t figured out that she’d known, without anyone saying anything at all.
“Sweetheart, I can understand how you might think that was lying. And it kind of was keeping a secret. But it wasn’t becauseI wanted to keep things from you.” Well, I had been, but not for the reasons she thought, and certainly not for reasons I was going to explain. That would just make matters worse, and it wasn’t the important part anyway. “But see, you three? You’re the most important people in my world. I’ll do anything to keep you safe and happy. And sometimes, that means that I don’t tell you who I’m dating until I’m sure it’s a solid thing that’s gonna last.”
“Like it lasted with Mom?” she sneered.
I stood up straight. “That’s unfair and uncalled for. There’s no reason to be hurtful.”
Harper’s mouth screwed up, like she was ready to fight, but a second later it drained out of her. “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. I appreciate the apology. And I know you’re upset, angry even, and that’s why you said that. But that’s when we need to watch our words the most, so we don’t hurt people.”
She nodded. “I’m just mad you didn’t tell us.”
How badly I wanted to go to her and hug her. But I respected the boundary she’d put in place.
“Yeah, I can understand that. And you can be mad until you work through it. I’m here to help you do that, but you can call Mom or Uncle Charlie if you’d rather.” I smiled at her when her expression finally softened. “Just remember, I love you. And I don’t have to tell you everything about my life. Sometimes, I’m going to keep secrets. Or wait to tell you something until I feel it’s the right time. Your happiness is my number one priority.”
“Yeah, Dad. I know that.” She turned back to her desk. “I love you too.”
“Thanks, kiddo. Aunt Regan left cupcakes, if you want one later.”
“Okay.” There were several beats of silence, I figured that was all I was going to get out of her. Eleven was a tough age, andtwelve would be worse. Hormones and new emotions and all that. She was just trying to navigate the world, after all.
“Come down when you’re ready.”
