I knew the joke fell flat when the brushing got more intense. The colt shifted on his feet and Mal immediately slowed down again. All right then. This was not the time for levity. I had to lay it all out there.
“The thing you don’t get, that you don’t fully understand yet, is that everyone here, family and employees alike, every last one of us, work together. Support each other. I really hope you can learn to trust that one day. When I said you could work for Hawk, it was because that’s where your talents are best used, even if that also puts you in a different chain of command. When I said we’d help you get a place in town if you needed it, that was because we’d do that foranyonewho needed it.”
I had to take a breath. “But there was a selfish motivation too. I won’t lie about that. You’re beautiful and competent and caring, and that’s my fucking kryptonite. So yes, I want to know you in every sense of the word. But I would never, and I meannever,want you in a position where you thought your place here was in jeopardy. ‘No’ is a complete sentence. If you don’t want anything to do with me, then I’ll walk away. We can have as little contact as necessary.”
Internally, I was dying. I so desperately wanted him to contradict me. But he said nothing at all, though he was still, eyes on the colt’s tail, not moving at all.
I took a few steps closer and dropped my voice further. “But if you want to take a chance with me, as much as I want one with you, then we can figure out a way to make it work. We can set boundaries that will work for both of us. It’s possible, is all I’m saying.”
Neither one of us moved. Hell, even the colt stood completely still. The silence stretched on until it was painfully tight. I barely even dared to breathe.
Eventually, finally, Mal sucked in a breath. “I hear you.”
I waited a beat. Then another. But he didn’t say anything else. Our gazes caught. Held. I nodded once and turned away. I figured that was the best I was going to get. At least for now. Maybe forever. And I had to be okay with that.
I was going to say goodbye to Pay, but the little boy had closed his eyes and slumped back against the bale. I watched him for a moment, his chest rising and falling, and for just a second, wished for his obliviousness.
The ball was in Mal’s court now. All I could do was wait. And hope.
Chapter 15
Malachi
Ihated it when I felt like people went behind my back. For obvious fucking reasons.
I also hated that I knew that if Crew needed to talk about something with someone, there would be literally a dozen people waving their hands in the air to volunteer.
Who did I have? Nobody. All I had was a mom I didn’t feel comfortable talking to about a man, and no siblings. As much as I’d hoped for those, there were none and seeing Crew with his was a little painful.
When my dad’s betrayal had become common knowledge in town, even the guys I’d went for beers with on occasion vanished to thin air. Who knew that mismanagement of the family funds and being a liar rubbed off on the offspring even when they had no idea that shit was going on.Christ.Then we’d moved and… yeah.
Befriending people as an adult seemed like such an impossible task. I also couldn’t really talk to anyone here, because most people were Harringtons.
After Crew’s little speech at the barn while I was grooming the colt, I just needed to talk to someone. I just didn’t know who, and I didn’t really know what to say, either.
I stewed on it for a couple of days. I redid the section of fence that needed to be replaced for the broodmares and foals. It was a two-day job after I discovered more rotted fence posts than we’d anticipated, so I had one of the hands helping me one day and then a very ecstatic-to-be-helping Tommy the other.
That night, after Pay went to bed, I took my phone and went to sit on my porch. There was a light on in Crew’s cabin, but somewhere deeper than the front room. Russ’s light was off already, so I assumed he was either asleep or not at home.
Sighing, I took a sip of my beer and called Aunt Win.
“Hey, kiddo, how’s it going?” she asked, her tone quiet enough that I knew either my mom was somewhere nearby or asleep.
“Hey Auntie.” I sighed.
“My sister is sound asleep in her room. Talk to me, Malachi.” Her tone was patient and kind.
I inhaled the night air slowly, then pushed the words out. “You know… you know I’m bi, right?”
“Yes. Your mom talked to me about that when you came out to her.”
“Okay. I assumed she would.” They were sisters and best friends, after all.
“I told her that it didn’t matter to me, and I’d wait until you wanted to tell me about it. If you wanted to tell me, that is.” I could hear the smile in her voice when she continued, “Thank you for trusting me with your truth.”
Something about her words choked me up a bit, so I stayed quiet for a moment. Then I took another gulp of beer.
She chuckled. “I hope that’s a beer and not a pop.”
