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As one would expect, making yourself an island prevents you from forming emotional and physical connections. That translates into me never having had an intimate relationship with a man. I’m a twenty-five-year-old virgin and my first sexual encounter is going to be with the son of my mother’s killer.
It’s sick, but all part of my plan to make him fall in love with me.
I’ve convinced him I’m some sort of sexual butterfly but I wonder what he’s going to think when he realizes he is the first man to ever have me. I anticipate it going one of two ways: either he’ll be pissed and storm out because I’m not the experienced woman he’s expecting, or he’ll be so taken by being the one and only that he’ll do everything in his power to keep it that way.
I’m hoping for the latter.
* * *
The days are closing in quickly and I’m growing increasingly nervous about my approaching deflowering. I sort of know what to expect, yet I don’t. I can only think of one person in this world I can talk to about sex—my sister.
“Oh God, Bleu. I’m so happy to hear from you. I wasn’t sure if you’d be able to get away to call or not.” She understands it isn’t always possible for me to call home.
“I’m so happy to hear your voice. You’re good?”
“Yeah.”
“How’s work?” I say.
“The golden child got the day shift, so I’m still stuck on twelve-hour nights. But I expected it, so I’m not too disappointed.” Elli had put in for days just before I left. I’m bummed for her that she didn’t get it.
“At least it’s never boring.” It’s my attempt at being positive.
“Right. The freaks come out at night, especially in the ER. A dude came in last night—he’d shoved a bag of coke up his ass when he got pulled over. Retrieving that was a load of fun. I promise you I do not get paid enough for that shit.”
My sister’s wit and charm is effortless. She makes everyone laugh and is adored by all. I wish I were more like her.
“I know you can’t tell me anything about your assignment but are you at least enjoying wherever you are?”
“I am. It’s beautiful here.”
“Tell me you’re on a tropical island, mingling with beautiful male criminals who wear togas and feed you grapes while you lounge in the sun.”
We always play this game. “Yes. I’m in Hawaii investigating a rich, handsome man. I’m staying with him at his extravagant beachfront home where I have servants at my beck and call but I mostly lie on the beach all day.”
“Ahh … being pampered by criminals is so much better than digging in their asses. I want your job instead of mine. Is it too late for a career change?”
There’s no way Princess Ellison could hang with my kind of criminals. “You should definitely look into it.”
“Seriously, is everything okay? You don’t sound like your usual self.” She knows me so well.
“No, but is it ever?”
“Can you tell me what’s wrong or is it top secret?”
I can give Elli a portion of this story. The other part will have to be fictitious. “I’ve met someone.”
“Bleu! You have to tell me everything! Is he handsome? Rich? When did you meet him? And how?”
“Yes. Yes. Not long ago. And in a bar.”
“Ooh … exciting. Tell me more.”
“He’s Scottish.”
“Shut up! You’re in Scotland?”
“I didn’t say that.” This job isn’t FBI-related so I think I can divulge a little more information than usual. “But yes, I am.”
“Oh … you’re in love with a Scotsman.” I did not say I was in love. “Do you orgasm every time he speaks?”
“Almost.”
“Does he wear anything under his kilt? I hear real Scotsmen don’t.” Leave it to Elli to ask something like that.
“Sorry. No kilt.”
“Well, that’s disappointing.”
Tell me about it. I’d probably have an orgasm and die if I saw Sin wearing one. “I’ve only seen him in a suit. But he looks hotter than a freshly fucked fox in a forest fire.”
“Ooh, sista … that’s some serious hot.” She has no idea.
“So … I sort of have a reason for calling.”
“You’re gonna do it with him, aren’t you?” She giggles. “Or are you already doing it?”
God, she sounds like a teenager. “Gonna.”
She squeals loudly enough, I have to take the phone away from my ear. “Then I know you are seriously crazy about this guy if you’re finally giving it up.” Well, not exactly.
“I’m scared.” That part’s no lie.
“Does he treat you well?”
He’s been good to me for the short amount of time we’ve known one another. One might not expect that from a man like Sin who’s accustomed to using women only for his own pleasure. “So far. He’s patient, kind, and very eager to please me.” The eager to please isn’t exactly voluntary.
“Then he’ll take care of you in bed.” She’s right. I’ve worked it out so this will probably be the best first-time experience anyone could have.
“What should I expect?” I feel so juvenile.
“It’s been a while but I remember it was sharp at first and then it ached, almost like a cramping sensation. It didn’t really feel too good but you have to remember that my first time was with Chris. He didn’t know shit from Shinola.”
“I’m p
ositive Sinclair will know shit from Shinola.”
“Ooh … you’re gonna be getting it on a with a Scotsman called Sinclair. I think I’m jealous.”
“Everyone calls him Sin.”
“Even better.”
Elli had quite the blossoming romance before I left. “Tell me about your doctor friend.”
“Yeah … that’s not gonna be working out.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t want to join him with his … partner.”
What does that mean? “Partner, as in the one from his medical practice, or partner, as in he had another girlfriend?”
“Neither.”
“Ohh.”
“Yeah. I was never down with a threesome but I didn’t think much of it when he asked. I was unconcerned because I thought most guys had fantasies about being with two women at once. I found out it wasn’t a woman he wanted to bring in and it made me start suspecting if the threesome was really a twosome and I was the spectator. So I told him to fuck off.”
Wow. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m mostly sorry because I have to see him at work. It’s awkward. I’m afraid he’s gonna tell somebody. He’s afraid I’m gonna tell everybody. I’m thinking of transferring out of the ER so I don’t have to see him anymore.”
“You shouldn’t have to give up a job you like because of him.”
“It has less to do with him and more to do with me being burned out.”
“Then you should look for another job.”
“It’s not just my job. I’m tired of Memphis in general. I’d leave if Dad weren’t sick.”
“I talked to him a couple days ago. He sounded like he felt good.” But I can never tell over the phone.
“He’s doing well. Looking good. Says he feels better than he has in weeks.”
I feel so guilty for not being with him but at least everything is going okay. “He has a burner. Use it to contact me if anything happens.”
“I will.”
“I’m not kidding. Don’t hesitate to call. Something happens and I’m on the first plane back.”
“I know you will be.”
