“I’ll give you that.” I shiver. “He was gross and creepy.”
There’s a round of nodding agreements.
Kaleb hesitates, indecision playing across his features, before adding, “And though I don’t agree with their actions, there’s something to be said for experiencing the feeling of being wholly in love and the surety that you’re loved in return. We can pick apart the legitimacy of their relationship, but to them it was real. They believed it wholeheartedly and not everyone gets the opportunity to feel something like that.”
I still think the play is dumb, but my heart feels full and soft over Kaleb’s words. He brushes against that seed of hope that lies within the cold darkness inside me-- the one that’s been growing with each day I spend with the guys. Despite sometimes feeling unworthy of their friendship, they’ve accepted me-- at least for now. Who knows how they’ll feel when they learn the truth of my past.
“And I think I’m going to hurl,” Donovan states, breaking any form of lingering sentimentality. “Can we please talk about anything else? I’m sorry I brought up that shitty play in the first place.”
Kaleb rolls his eyes, outwardly appearing unfazed, but I notice his shoulders droop and his gaze shifts to the grass.
I want to defend Kaleb’s statement. I can almost feel the words build on my tongue, but they freeze in my throat. The feelings they conjure are too close to painful truths that I can’t face-- merely thinking of them creates fissures in the walls that hold me together each day.
I’ll do better next time-- I hope.
Instead, I change the subject, and look pointedly at Nolan. “So, Cheater McCheaterstein, how was your test?”
He looks completely unrepentant as he pops some type of gourmet baked chip into his mouth. Even his junk food is fancy. “It was a quiz, and it went great.”
“It was too easy,” Felix laments, flopping down on the ground between Nolan and Kaleb. “I miss math. I was going to take Trigonometry and Pre-Calculus this year.”
“Both?” I gasp, dumbfounded. “You were going to take both?”
He shrugs and rubs at the back of his neck. “I like math. I want to… wanted to be a robotics engineer someday.”
“Told you. Math genius,” Nolan boasts. “He was in the gifted program and everything, so what you see as cheating, I see as helping a friend stay engaged in one of his passions.”
“Uh huh,” I reply with a raised brow. “Your ability to twist logic and find ways to support questionable actions is astounding.”
“Thank you,” he says with a smug grin, before popping the last of the chips into his mouth.
“Not a compliment,” I groan.
“It was thetalentedand gifted program,” Felix jokingly corrects. “And I wasn’t the only one. TAG was how Kaleb and I became friends.”
A warm smile spreads across Kaleb’s face, while he packs away the remnants of his lunch. As per usual, the guys went through their food in record timing. I, on the other hand, have only finished my sandwich and still have a yogurt, carrots and grapes to get through.I need to remember to get some type of chocolate from the vending machine. This level of healthiness in a school lunch is just wrong.
“I remember how much we hated it,” Kaleb chuckles.
“Oh man,” Felix groans. “Being in first grade and having to stay after school three days a week to do more math homework was brutal.”
“How did you all become friends?” I ask, then take a bite of my yogurt.Mmm blueberry.
“Well, it all started when Felix and I dated in kindergarten,” Nolan answers theatrically, causing me to choke on my yogurt.
“I didn’t know what it meant,” Felix whines, pulling his legs up to his chest so that he can wrap his arms around his knees.
“You didn’t know what dating meant?” I cough out.Note to self: Don’t try to breathe yogurt.
He dips his head and mumbles, “I didn’t know what boyfriend meant. I thought it was a boy that was your friend.”
Nolan sits up straight, clearly enjoying the idea of sharing this story. “So, one day at recess, Anastasia Fisher decided that she was my girlfriend and tried to kiss me.” Nolan taps his fingers lightly against his lips, one side of his mouth pulling into an impish grin. “But before she could chase me down, I ran towards the swings, which was where Felix was playing. Watching me run in circles, while Anastasia shouted that boys were supposed to kiss their girlfriends, he figured out what was going on. So he got off the swing and informed her thathewas my boyfriend and said it wasn’t nice to try and kiss someone that didn’t want to be kissed.” He looks over at Felix, his eyes dancing with a mixture of fondness and mischief. “He was a regular shining knight in light up sneakers.”
“I remember those shoes,” Felix comments wistfully. “My mom was so mad when I tried to take them apart, so I could figure out how they lit up. It’s amazing what a four year old can accomplish with a flat head screwdriver.”
“Wait, you were four years old in kindergarten?” I ask surprised.
“Yup,” he answers with another shrug. “I started a year early. My birthday is in June so I was always the youngest.”
