Kaleb holds open a nearby door for me that leads out to the abandoned lunch patio, and I shiver as I walk outside. Because of the time of day, the whole area is covered in grey shadows. The cold nips at my exposed skin and cuts right through my dark green Henley. Quickly, I zip up my hoodie.
He follows behind me and settles at one of the blue lunch tables, tossing his backpack on the tabletop.
I follow suit, sitting on the bench next to him, while pulling the sleeves of my red sweater over my hands. The metal bench is freezing from its several hours hidden from the sun, and the cold seeps right through my jeans.
While squirming and tugging on my sweater to act as partial barrier between my ass and the frigid seat, I ask, “So if you were the golden standard for couples, why did you two break up?”
“Felix happened,” he answers quietly. His gaze meets mine, and it looks like he struggles to hold it. “He died, and it became my responsibility to help him pass on. He takes priority over my love life-- and honestly, I was tired of lying.”
“She’s human, I take it?”Day three, and it’s still a fucking weird distinction to make.
He takes a moment to dig through his backpack for a grey pullover, which he quickly puts on.
“Yes, she’s human,” he replies, “and I was running out of excuses for why we couldn’t spend time with each other.” He pauses before confessing, “So I told her I needed to grieve, and I wasn’t capable of doing that and be what she deserved in a boyfriend.”
“Wow. That’s…” I trail off, unsure how I feel about it. At the very least, it explains why Rachel runs around with hope in her eyes. She sees it as a waiting game.
Kaleb swallows heavily. “Not my finest hour, but not a lie. Iamgrieving Felix, in ways few people could understand, and I’m no longer capable of being what she deserves. It’s just not in me anymore.”
There’s a mask of stoicism held tight across his features, with small fractures showing the depth of the feelings underneath. My heart is an aching thing in my chest, as I feel completely inept to comfort him.
“What do you mean ‘in ways few people could understand’?” I croak, my own emotions connected to Felix beginning to coil in my throat.
Kaleb gazes intently into my eyes, and there’s a spinning hidden world within his. He slowly opens his hands in his lap-- an open invitation to place mine within them.
Fighting through nerves and indecision, I pull back my sleeves to my wrists and again place my hands within his. He curls his fingers around them while his thumbs cast slow arcs against my knuckles.
“I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone,” he murmurs, and the fractures grow, pulling at his eyes with the weight of his coming words.
“Are you sure?” I question, a thread of fear sliding through my stomach. “We haven’t really known each other that long.”
“Don’t worry, Callie. It’s nothing bad,” he assures with a soft smile. “And I want to earn your trust, which means giving you mine.”
My heart begins to rattle in my ears, and the tips of my fingers press against his palms.
He squeezes my hands, when he feels the subtle tremors quake through them, and reading the anxiety on my face, he adds, “This doesn’t mean I expect you to start telling me your life history right now. I just want you to know that when you’re ready, I’ll listen.”
That’s the second time someone has made that offer this week, and it’s nice that he cares, but simply thinking about talking about my past makes me ill. I want to push it all down and lock it away. Too bad my psyche has other opinions on the matter.
I nod, acknowledging that I heard him.
He licks his full lips, then expels a deep, controlled breath. “I told you how light nephilim are responsible for helping lost souls cross over.”
I nod again, then start chewing on my bottom lip.
“Well, the first soul I’ll cross will be Felix,” he announces without inflection.
The weight of his words holds in the silence, whatever mundane sounds of the school seem far away.
“To be honest, I should really be trying to help Felix come to terms with his and his family’s death, instead of feeding into his need to find out who did it, but if I do that…” For the first time ever speaking with Kaleb, his eyes shift away from mine. “If I do that, then it’s because of me he’s not with us anymore.”
“Oh Kaleb,” I breathe, blinking hard against the burn of building tears.
I’ve only known Felix for a few days, and it feels almost devastating to think of him gone. He’s the first person to show me there may be real hope after the life I’ve lived. I can’t imagine what it must be like for Kaleb to wear that knowledge-- that responsibility-- and not be constantly falling apart at the seams.
He sniffs, and flashes me a tight smile. “I’ve never told anyone this, but in a lot of ways, I envy Donovan.”
Shock rings through me, but I do my best to hide it from my face. It’s hard to believe anyone would envy Donovan’s plight.
