Following what feels like instinct, I grind my hips against his… and it’s like Nolan’s been splashed with ice water.
“Stop,” he chokes out, pulling away and gasping for air. “This… this is the bite, Callie. You don’t really want to do this.”
Cold shock runs through me, as I realize what I’ve done. I promised him freedom, and instead, I’ve taken advantage of him just like every other girl.
“I’m so sorry,” I cry, scrambling off his lap, already feeling the sting of tears. “I didn’t mean… I shouldn’t have…”
“It’s okay,” he attempts to reassure, while his chest is still heaving. He seems to be having trouble focusing, blinking repeatedly in my direction. “I should have warned you more. Explained it better.”
“No. No, I…” My voice trails off, because I don’t know how to articulate what I feel.
Everything is mixed up, and all I know for sure is there’s a sharp pain in my chest. I stand up to get more distance between us, because a good part of me is fighting to get back into his arms. Noticing I’m still wearing his shirt, I tug it off and hand it back to him.
Nolan balls the shirt in his hands, when I really wish he’d put it on. He looks at me with a mixture of regret and tenderness, which only makes my heart hurt more.
“Callie love, it was a simple mistake. A vampire’s bite is extremely potent, so it’s not your fault that things… escalated,” he assures gently, unaware that his words are like knives. “At least it was only kissing. We stopped before anything really happened.” He sighs, running a hand through his mussed hair-- for once in real disarray-- made so by my fingers only moments ago. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop it sooner. We can just forget about it, okay? Pretend it didn’t happen.”
“Right,” I chirp, while it feels like shards of glass are embedded inside me, slicing up my heart and lungs. Attempting to make what I hope looks like a normal expression, I pull my sleeves over my hands, fisting the soft fabric between my fingers. “I’m… I’m going to go splash some cold water on my face. Be right back.”
Spinning on my heel, I speed walk to the bathroom near Nolan’s study. Quickly, I flick on the fan along with the light and turn the water on full blast in the sink. Hoping that there’s enough white noise to drown me out, I relinquish my straining control and allow my tears to fall.
With my hands pressed tight against my mouth, I let my feelings drain out of me: shame, guilt, pain, and a deep aching sadness. After seventeen years of endless loneliness, I’ve finally experienced my first kiss.
And it was a mistake.
Chapter 9
Nolan
Shit. Shit. Shit... Fucking shit!
Waiting for Callie to come back from the bathroom, my elbows resting on my bent knees, I bury my head in my hands.
What the fuck was I thinking? I shouldn’t have fed from her. I definitely shouldn’t have kissed her.
The twisted logic side of my brain tries to give me the out that she kissed me first, but it’s not having the same power that it normally does. Only a few hours ago, I was telling D to keep his hands off her until Felix passes on, and then I stick my tongue down her throat.
Felix can never know about this. If Donovan finds out, he’ll punch me and call me a hypocrite. If Felix finds out, it’ll break him.
I flop back against the couch, running both hands through my hair, only to trigger the memory of how good it felt when she did it. Shaking my head, I attempt to dislodge the thought before it follows down a path that will make this worse.
I’m such a shitty friend.
The answer is obvious-- don’t feed from Callie again. One time, it was a stupid mistake. It happening again is asking for trouble.
Except there’s one major problem. I can’t remember the last time I felt this good… this sated. Not only am I finally not hungry, her blood tasted so amazing there’s nothing I can really compare it to. It’s like being flooded with life. It’s euphoria in its purest form.
Crap, Callie isn’t the only one riding a high right now.
I lick my lips, searching for any remaining taste of her, even though I know there’s nothing left. Picking up my t-shirt, I smell the stains of blood near the collar and groan. It’s more than the scent of her blood. It’s infused with the perfume of her desire… the arousing effects of my bite.
My fangs begin to slide from their place over my incisors, and I quickly stuff my shirt underneath the couch cushion, my heart pounding in my chest.Oh, this is bad. Really fucking bad.
When I hear the water shut off, I slide to the other side of the couch and grab a throw pillow to put over my lap.Her seeing me sporting a raging hard-on isn’t going to help anyone.I reach for one of the remotes to put anything on the TV.
I’m flipping through the menu when Callie comes out of the bathroom. She has a tight smile, red eyes, and she’s rubbing at her arms for reasons I’m sure she doesn’t understand. Since I didn’t… finish her off… she’s going to crave physical contact until the bite works its way out of her system.
I’m fucked. And an asshole. I’m a fucking asshole.
