“Not as often, but we still do it. When we need each other.” I clear my throat. “We camped out here the first week after Felix… after what happened to Felix. Anyone that wants to judge us can fuck off.”
I cuddle her closer, wrapping my body around her, then remember she might not appreciate being poked in the ass and try to pull away, but she’s already trapped one of my legs between her knees.This is going to be a long night.
She’s quiet for several minutes, and I think she might have fallen asleep, when out of the blue, she asks, “Do you still want to know what I see when I look into you?” Her husky voice has a haunting quality since I can’t see her face.
Shock cuts through me. I remember her telling us about her ability to see into the core of a person, but I don’t remember ever asking what she saw in me. Mostly because I’m afraid of what she’ll find.
“If it’s bad, no,” I joke with a playful squeeze, trying to hide what I’m feeling.
“Just the opposite,” she murmurs, a smile in her tone. “You’re a good person, Nolan. Full of light and laughter. A generous and caring soul.”
There’s a pause while I try to absorb what she said, but it’s hard to believe. Then again, she’s been surrounded by shitty people her whole life, so maybe her definition of “good person” is a low bar.
“Remember that the next time you blame yourself for what happened to you,” she adds like she can read my damn mind.
“Are deep emotional conversations while trying to fall asleep a norm for you? Because they’re not the best bedtime stories,” I mutter, while teasingly patting at her face with my left hand like I’m trying to find her mouth. “Now shhhhh. Sleepy-time.”
“Goodnight, Casanova,” she laughs, her voice muffled by my hand.
“Goodnight, Callie love.”
She sighs contentedly, her breath warm against our clasped hands, and settles against me.
I tend to ignore how much I don’t like sleeping alone, but it’s unnerving how much I enjoy just this. Holding her in my arms. Playing with her hair. Whispering in the dark. These sweet everyday things that I haven’t done in a long time.
There’s a hollow feeling in my gut that aches for more of this kind of closeness. I know that I’m heading into some grey territory here, but as long as I stay on the correct side that doesn’t hurt anyone, then I can have this... right?
Because the light she sees isn’t me. It’s her.
Chapter 10
Callie
Idrop my pencil and rub at my eyes. Since I showed up in detention, I’ve tried to work on my AP Chemistry homework. Unfortunately, I find myself staring at the words and numbers and none of it is sinking in. Instead, my mind keeps drifting to the guys, and their bizarre behavior all day.
Nolan and Donovan were acting completely normal, which should be good, but it was lessnormalnormal, and more like ‘purposely ignoring what happened yesterday’ normal.
I know Nolan and I agreed to pretend that the kiss didn’t happen, which considering everything, is probably for the best, but I can’t seem to. It was my first kiss. It was amazing. And even though I feel guilty for springing it on him, disappointment weighs heavy in my gut at the thought of never doing it again.
He held me through the night to protect me from my nightmares. I feel safe in his arms. He said we should just be friends, and he’s right. Last thing he needs is another girl chasing after him, plus I have no idea how to be a girlfriend. Not that he wants one. So why do I suddenly dislike the idea so much?
And we’ll be burying whatever that feeling is.
Then there’s Donovan and what happened in the gym. He didn’t really do anything, technically. He corrected my form, touched my arms… hugged me? But it felt like more. Was it more or am I crazy? Well, I know I’m crazy in general, but does it extend to this too? He doesn’t seem to think it was more, or acts like he doesn’t anyway. His physical contact with me hasn’t changed. No new idle touches or hugs, so I have nothing to compare yesterday to.
Even Kaleb and Felix were acting strangely. Kaleb kept his nose in a book all day, which is normal for him, but he was unusually quiet. To every question, his answers were short and to the point. No long drawn out explanation in sight.Is he still upset that we’re not doing more about Gina?
Felix was all smiles and jokes, until he thought no one was watching, then his eyes grew sad and distant. Every time I asked if he was okay, the smile would click back on, he’d say everything was fine, then make some crack about how boring being dead can get.Is this his subtle way of saying he’s ready to move on? Am I selfish for wanting him to stay for a little longer?
Ugh. Why are boys so complicated?
The only one of the guys that’s acted normal was Connor. Spending a day as a wolf, doing wolfie things, I guess, seems to have settled him, and he’s been his quiet, calm, unaffected self.
And what does it say about my life that the least troublesome friend is the one that enjoys patting my head and sniffing my hair, and occasionally turns into a giant wolf that if provoked, would probably rip Gina to shreds?
I shudder, shaking my head to try and dislodge the thought of Connor’s wolf munching on Gina’s femur like a chew toy.
As if summoned by my own musings, Connor walks into detention, and immense relief washes through me. I should probably feel bad about that, but right now, I could really use his brand of calm.
