I’m in board shorts and a t-shirt that says ‘Name the triangles’ and has three different types of triangles with the names Geoffrey, Frederick, and Eugene next to them. My oh-so-smooth way to cheer girls up. Goofy joke t-shirts.
“Where are we?” she asks, taking in the tropical forest that lines one side of the beach. In the distance, there’s a cliff face that has a massive waterfall running down it with a rainbow visible within the spray.
I want to reach for her hand like the other guys do, but it’s not like last time we were here. Before, it was desperate and horrifying. I needed to hold her to get her away, and then hold her to keep her together. Now, she’s herself. Sad but intact. And my nervousness isn’t an abstract concept of an over-busy mind, but something I once again feel. It’s in the rapid beat of my imaginary heart. The roar of the non-existent blood in my ears. The fake sweat on my palms.
I made everything here, but couldn’t make myself not have sweaty palms? Really?
Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I nod my head to encourage her to walk with me down the beach toward the waterfall.
“This would be an island in the Maldives that the Campbell’s own. Near the waterfall, they leased out part of the property to make into a small private resort, and the rest of the island is exclusively theirs,” I answer, digging my bare toes in the sand with every step, marveling at the feeling of the grains dusting my feet. “They have a summer home on the other side of the island.”
“Of course they own an island,” Callie snorts, tucking her hair behind her ears.
I chuckle, stealing peeks at her out of the corner of my eye. “After graduation, we’re supposed to take a trip here to celebrate…” I falter. “Well, they’re supposed to anyway, and you, if you want to go. Don’t know if I’ll be going, considering...”Stop talking. You’re making it worse,my brain shouts, while words won’t seem to stop coming out of my mouth. “Who knows where I’ll be by then, right?”
She nods with a tight smile, but there’s a dejected puckering of her brow.
Way to go, genius. Fix this. You’re supposed to make her feel better.
But my mind is blank. Words that usually come so effortlessly are completely gone because in this place I’m real. All I can seem to concentrate on is the fact that if I reached out, I could once again know the softness of her skin.
How do the rest of the guys make this look so easy?
I remember when Callie stayed the night with Nolan, and how tightly they were wrapped around each other as they slept. Why she stayed over, I have no idea, and the sinking feeling in my stomach makes me not want to know. They looked peaceful-- natural-- like they were made to fit together. Knowing Nolan, it probably was no big deal for him, but if it’d been me, I don’t think I would’ve been able to sleep. I’d have been the creeper watching her, trying to sear every moment, every sensation into my memory forever.
You could be making a few of those memories right now-- just saying,the cooler side of my mind points out, which annoyingly tends to sound like Nolan.
“You know, I’ve never been to the ocean,” Callie comments wistfully, taking in a deep breath and glancing out at the vibrant blue water.
Startled out of my inner monologue, I babble, “We should go sometime. I mean, it looks a little different in Oregon, but can’t beat the location.”
“I’d like that,” she answers, the huskiness of her voice making the words sound richer, and makes my throat go dry.
Get ahold of yourself, man! This is Callie. Your friend… and maybe the love of your life. Afterlife? Shit, don’t think about that.
“Want to walk in the water?” I ask, sounding normal… I think. Normal enough. “It’s my guess on what it’d be like, but…”
I trail off, my heart feeling like it’s going to explode out of my chest.Probably shouldn’t think about that either. With my luck, I’ll think of it, and then it’ll really happen, because-- dream.
Gathering what courage I have, I stealthily wipe my palm against my shorts, then hold out my hand in invitation, relieved that there’s minimal shaking.
She grins-- the one that takes over her whole face, her eyes becoming crinkled triangles, and takes my hand. It’s small, her fingers slender, compared to mine, and her skin is as soft as I remember.
Everything inside me feels light and heavy all at the same time, as we detour toward the water. Sappy, emo song lyrics play in my head of all the ways she affects me.I’m such a dork.
“Eek,” she squeaks, when the water splashes up her legs. “The water’s freezing!”
“Whoops! One sec,” I reply, closing my eyes and imagining the ocean feeling like a warm bath.
She sighs happily, leaning into me. “That’s much better.”
“Sorry, about that,” I apologize, rubbing the back of my neck. “The Pacific Ocean is really cold pretty much year round, so I defaulted to that.”
“Hmm, maybe I want to hold off on that trip to the beach then,” she laughs, kicking at the water that pools around our shins with each gentle wave.
While trying to stay calm with her head resting against my arm, I blurt, “The beach is one of my favorite places. My dad would take me out surf fishing during the summer. He wasn’t really into the stuff I am, so it was our way to bond.”
She squeezes my hand, and her voice has a distant quality as she asks, “What were they like? Your family?”
