The guys look up in relief when I appear in front of them, the rigid tension flooding out of their bodies, and they physically droop in their various positions around their parked cars.
“Fucking hell, man,” Nolan blurts, rubbing at his eyes as he falls back against his car. There’s a line of footprints in the nearby snow—muddied from pacing. “We thought…”
“I tried to summon you and nothing happened,” Kaleb confesses, worry penetrating his deep, radio voice. He digs his hands deep into the pockets of his peacoat.
“You didn’t tell Callie, did you?” I ask, panic lacing my voice.
Connor shakes his head. He stands apart from the others, preferring the dark over the bright headlights from D’s truck. “We waited and hoped.”
“Good,” I sigh, nodding my head.
“How bad has it gotten?” Kaleb inquires quietly.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I wince and admit, “About two thirds of the time I’ve told you guys I wanted to be alone was really times I didn’t exist.”
“What? Why didn’t you tell us sooner? We could’ve… I don’t know, expanded our search for a body or something,” Nolan exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air.
“Because I didn’t want to do that, and… I didn’t want Callie to feel more pressured than she already does,” I answer, attempting to put more authority in my voice. “If I’m around when Andrew… passes, then it’s meant to be. If not, I don’t regret how I spent my last days.”
“That is thedumbestfucking thing I’ve ever heard,” Donovan growls, glaring at me from his position against the grill of his truck.
“She’ll blame herself,” Connor states, his voice low and his expression grim.
“It’s true,” Kaleb agrees, his voice harder than what would be expected from a person who didn’t want me to do this in the first place.
“That’s why if it happens, you won’t tell her there were warning signs,” I insist, pacing just off the driveway, the thin layer of snow going through my feet. I’m too anxious to concentrate on trying to stand on top of it. “You’ll tell her that it was sudden, that she tried, but it wasn’t meant to be. And… that I wouldn’t want her to feel guilt over what happened. It wasmychoice to risk it.”
“You want us to lie to her for the rest of our lives,” Donovan sneers through gritted teeth.
I stop to face him, standing tall and challenging him in a way I’ve never done before, but this is important. “Yes, you will. You’ll do it because I asked you to, and because she’ll need the lie to let go and move on. It’s part of the reason I asked you all here in the first place.”
“You asked us here to make us promise to lie to her in case you don’t make it?” Nolan questions, his face carved into a cold expression.
“No, not exactly,” I reply, the challenge already leaving me as I shrink into myself. “But it’s part of the reason. I’ve… seen some things in her dreams, and it… it made me realize how important it is that… she…” I grunt with frustration, both of my hands gripping the back of my neck. “Look, she needs you. All of you, so just… promise me that no matter what, you’ll all stick together. For each other and for her.”
Connor looks at me in such a way that my heart would be racing if I had one. It’s an expression that makes me feel like he already knowshowI’ve come to this epiphany. A secret that’s been impossible to keep and has left me acting like a total idiot around Callie.I can’t believe I poofed away when I saw her in that bra. She must think I’m a total spaz.
“Is it her nightmares?” Kaleb asks.
“Huh, w-what?” I stammer, jarred from my thoughts of Callie shirtless.
His eyes narrow, like he can pick my nonexistent brain apart simply by looking at me. “Did you see something new in her nightmares? You told us they’re usually literal reenactments from traumatic experiences. She gave me permission to read the journal, and some of the things…”
Connor growls, and his hands curl into fists. He’s been fairly protective of Callie since they met, but for the past month, it’s been a lot more intense. The mere suggestion of her being hurt puts him on edge.
“No. No new nightmares. She’s been sleeping better for the most part. More good dreams than nightmares,” I reassure them, glad that I’m physically unable to blush. Doesn’t stop me from being unable to look any of them in the eye though.
Donovan’s more aggressive stance relaxes into a knowing smirk. “Oh, they’ve definitely gotten better. She told me about them after I caught her moaning in her sleep.”
“She told you about the orgy sex dream she had about us?” I exclaim, shocked that she’d share something like that.
His smirk widens into a grin full of white teeth. “Nope. But you just did. She lied and said it wasn’t a sex dream.”
“An orgy? Pretty ambitious for a virgin,” Nolan snorts, while rubbing his mouth. Under his breath, he mutters, “I’m good, she says. Tells me I’m worried about nothing. Liar.”
Kaleb and Connor look like they’ve been smacked in the head, and the idea of poofing out of existence is looking better and better at the moment.
Clearing his throat, Kaleb utters in a stilted voice, “She invited you to participate, or at least view, her… intimate fantasies?”
