“Yes, guilt vortex. Where you feel guilty because the other person feels guilty about something that relates to you. And the guilt just grows bigger and bigger, feeding off of itself, until we all spiral out of control in our collective misery,” I explain a little too fast, while also including hand gestures, and now I’m breathless on top of tired. “Felix deserves to enjoy his last moments guilt vortex free.”
In a rare moment of not adhering to perfect driver’s manual directions, Kaleb takes a hand off the steering wheel so he can give my knee a comforting squeeze. “Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean they don’t feel it. You avoiding everyone only makes it worse. We’re all feeling it and second-guessing our choices. There’s enough guilt going around, don’t cut yourself off from the rest of us in some twisted attempt to be noble. It’s times like this that we need each other the most.”
“Fine, Confucius. I’ll text everyone tomorrow,” I concede, drooping against the passenger side door. “Does it get exhausting always being right?”
He flashes me a humored grin. “I take naps.”
I snort and close my eyes. “Wake me when we get to the diner.”
∞∞∞
Thunder booms so loud it shakes the windows and startles me awake. The light drizzle is now a shouting downpour, and instead of being in a parking lot outside of a diner, we’re pulled over into the dirt off the main two-lane highway that leads into town.At least this storm can’t be blamed on me. I was asleep.
Somewhere nearby, a car horn is blaring, and when I look to the driver’s side, Kaleb is gone. Terrified something has happened to him, I jump out of the truck and start screaming his name. The rain feels like ice that soaks my coat and seeps into my bones. The cold is heightened by the fear that slips down my spine. With the heavy cloud cover and lack of streetlights, it’s nearly impossible to see, so I follow the sound of the horn.
Shivering, I wrap my arms around myself and call out Kaleb’s name between bouts of teeth chattering, all the while my mind paints vivid pictures of what horrible thing could’ve happened.Breathe, Callie. Breathe. Don’t freak out.
By the light of scattered lightning strikes across the sky, I follow the sound to a wrecked car that’s wrapped around a tree halfway down a ditch. It’s also where I find Kaleb, soaked to the bone, standing beside a brilliant light… and beside him is a vaguely familiar spirit. Tall. Dirty blond hair. Bright red letterman jacket. The boy from the mall. The one who knew Nolan.
Stumbling down the ditch, I shout Kaleb’s name again, my voice hoarse from trying to call over the loud cacophony of car horn, rain, and thunder. But he doesn’t hear me, he’s too focused on the spirit.
“Wait! I can save him!” I shout, my heart pounding frantically in my chest, while I try to figure out why Kaleb didn’t wake me. HeknowsI can help.
In my haste, I trip over a root and fall on my face. My hands sting and my wrists ache from breaking my fall. The spirit flashes Kaleb a sad smile, nodding his head, agreeing with whatever Kaleb is saying. Again, I call out for him to wait, saying I can help. But I’m too late. The spirit walks through the golden light and vanishes, taking the celestial door with him.
When it’s over, Kaleb turns toward me at the same time there’s another flash of lightning. He doesn’t look surprised to see me. His expression says he knew I was there all along. Pulling a flashlight from his pocket, he walks over to me and helps me to my feet.
“What did you do?” I cry, my throat tight with emotion.
“My duty,” he replies, his deep voice solemn, and he glances up at the crumpled car. “There’s no one to save anymore. Just a body. Now go save Felix.”
“Kaleb,” I breathe, clutching at his coat. “Why would you…?”
“It’s my duty as a light nephilim to help spirits move on, and that’s what I did. James’ passing isn’t on you in any way,” he explains, pulling me into his arms while the rain beats down on our heads. “I made the decision not to use your magic to save him. This is on me, okay?”
My heart breaks knowing he took this burden onto himself so I wouldn’t have to. He made sure I couldn’t save James, so I wouldn’t feel guilty saving Felix. “I don’t know if I should thank you or hit you.”
“Decide later. I imagine every second counts right now,” he replies, pulling away and turning me toward the car, pressing the flashlight into my hand. “Save Felix while I call 911. With an accident like this, he’ll need medical attention.”
Translation: make sure he still looks banged up when I’m finished.
He gazes at me for a long moment then kisses my temple. “You can do this.”
Before I can reply, he summons Felix.
“What the…” Felix exclaims, looking around at his bleak surroundings. He’s wearing a shirt that says, ‘Party like it’s a long, long time ago in a galaxy far,far away,’ and a blue headband that has the new year in big numbers bobbing on springs over his head.
“Ready to become a real boy?” I murmur, my smile feeling broken on my face.
His face goes blank, and he looks over at the old sedan that’s smashed around a tree, the horn still blaring. As if in a trance, he slowly walks toward the driver’s side, and I quietly follow. Because of the dark, the subtle golden glow to Felix’s skin is more visible and distorted by the rain falling through him, creating a haunting vision that I doubt will ever leave me.
The driver’s side door hangs open, and the interior light is a dim, hazy yellow that brushes across the cab of the car. My stomach rolls when I see James’ lifeless body slumped forward in the driver’s seat, his head twisted at an unnatural angle against the steering wheel. I can’t speak to how old the car is, but it’s old enough that the airbags failed to deploy. There’s surprisingly little blood, mostly heavy bruising, and vomit. He reeks of alcohol.
“His spirit has already passed on,” I explain as Felix takes in the scene in front of him. “This might be our only chance, but I won’t force you to do it.”
Felix crouches down, wincing as he looks up at James’ face. His normally sweet voice is rough as he says, “I’m sorry that you died, and I know you can’t hear me, but… I promise to do my best as you. I’m really good at math, and I’m nice to people. I make sure to respect my elders and all that. I’m not very good at sports, but I’ll work really hard to learn to play baseball since I can tell it mattered to you.” My heart cracks and bleeds over Felix’s speech and subsequent sad sigh. “I know you’re not really getting a choice in the matter, but thank you anyways for my second chance. I promise not to waste it.” He stands, dusting off his pant legs even though he can’t collect any dirt, and faces me where I stand by the door. “Okay, pretty girl, I’m ready.”
“It’s going to be okay,” I murmur, not sure if it’s true. This is the point of no return. If this works, Felix will be alive, and I’ll have committed a capital offense against supernatural kind.No biggie.
