“Yes,” he murmurs with a hint of a smile. This isn’t the first time I’ve asked him this.
Kaleb wraps his arm around my shoulders and I let him, sinking into his side and resting my head against his chest. With the hand that isn’t holding the glass of water, I reach for Felix—my fingers stinging with cold as they go through his. An X-men movie I don’t recognize is playing on the TV, but at least I can tell what franchise it’s from.
“Why didn’t any of you tell me it’s Donovan’s birthday today?” I blurt, because I feel like I need to say something and that feels like one of the few things I can safely ask for clarification.
“He made it clear he didn’t want to celebrate it,” Kaleb answers cautiously, and I can feel his breath in my hair as he looks down at me. “How did you know it was his birthday?”
“Internet,” I reply quickly, my cheeks burning with how I really found out. Nolan clearly ignored the no celebrating instruction if what I saw earlier was any indication. “Why wouldn’t he want to celebrate it?
“It’s his eighteenth birthday,” Felix provides with a morose sigh that, as per usual, I don’t understand.
“Because he’s considered an adult now, Donovan could be summoned to fulfill his duty at any point,” Kaleb elaborates without being prompted—my new favorite thing about him. “Finishing high school in person is a luxury for him. If he’s deemed needed elsewhere, then he has no choice.”
“He didn’t want the reminder,” Felix adds simply with an apologetic look.
My warped levity crashes into the harsh pain of reality, and I mutter, “That’s not fair.”
No one says it, but the silence screams it.Life isn’t fair.
“Anything else you haven’t told me that I should probably know?” I sigh and then take another sip of my water.
“Likely several things,” Kaleb drawls, gently running his fingers over my shoulder, “but right now might not be the best time. When we get home...”
“Kaleb, I asked. Tell me,” I grind out. These lies of omission are starting to drive me up the wall. I’m tired of not knowing what I don’t know.
“We have lifetimes worth sharing. Some things just take time,” he hedges in a way that tells me there’s something specific he’s thinking of.
Shifting forward on the couch, I turn enough to look at Kaleb over my shoulder, ignoring the water that splashes on my clothes. “Give me one.”
“Deodamnatus,” he curses, but doesn’t look away. His warm, brown eyes look sad when he admits, “I have your father’s journal. It was lying in the driveway, and I thought you might eventually want it. I was going to wait until you had time to process today before I told you.”
Felix gasps when he hears the news, and out of the corner of my eye, I notice he flashes the universal expression of ‘what the hell is wrong with you?’ at Kaleb. He then starts eyeballing the walls—probably looking for something to explode or burst into flames.
The air suddenly grows thin, and my body starts to shake. Barely above a whisper, I ask, “Did you read it?”
“No. It’s not mine to read,” he answers, while extracting the cup from my hand that looks like it’s about to explode under my grip. There’s a quiet click as he sets the glass on a small table beside the couch.
I nod disjointedly, like my head isn’t quite properly attached to my body.
“It has everything, you know,” I divulge. My right hand digs into my leg, while my left slowly curls into a fist, which is nearly numb from how long it’s rested within Felix’s. I release an ugly laugh. “It still doesn’t matter because I can’t take it to the police. They’d take one look at me and call it fiction. Can’t show it to the Council. I’m hiding from them, and let’s be honest, it’s not like they’d want to help me. I have proof. Written in the Bastard’s own hand, and it still doesn’t fucking matter.”
“It’s proof for you,” Kaleb counters, slipping his fingers under my palm to rescue my thigh from my fingernails. “Something you can point to and prove that what happened really happened…and you survived it.”
“As shitty as it is, there might also be answers for you. There’s no justification for what he did, but…sometimes knowing why can give some closure,” Felix offers, the concept something he’s rather familiar with since finally knowing why his family was killed and by whom. Demons that were after Donovan and wanted to hurt him.
Harshly, I state, “Life really sucks sometimes.”
“And then you die,” Felix finishes, and we both snort.
Because that’s what you do when life becomes more than you can bear. You laugh and mock the darkness before it swallows you whole.
Except it’s not enough this time. The locks that hold all of my pain at bay snap under the weight of my own despair. Without warning, I burst into tears.
Chapter 17
Felix
Kaleb and I trade panicked looks as Callie goes from morose humor to broken sobbing. He pulls her into his lap and rocks her gently as she keeps apologizing over and over again for things that make no sense. Something about volunteering at the hospital.
