Once he looks like something that resembles his normal self on the outside, I turn off the showerheads, and while stepping out to grab some towels, I leave him with my final piece of advice. “Do whatever you gotta do, man, but remember, the girl you’re in love with loves you back, and the only thing standing in the way is you. She’s worth fighting for.”
I hand Nolan one of the towels. It hangs within his grip unused, because he’s too busy staring at me like he’s never seen me before. “Did you just…”
“Shut up,” I grumble, quickly toweling off. “This is why I don’t do these heart-to-hearts. Deal with your shit or don’t. I don’t fucking care.”
After wrapping the towel around my waist, I escape into the bedroom, put on my clothes, and leave Nolan to figure out his own damn love life.
Chapter 14
Callie
Felix bounds out to the car from the Thomas’ home with an excited grin plastered across his lips. Every time I see him, I notice less of James and more of the soul inside, my first friend and one of the pieces of my love lost heart. It’s such a fragile thing, bruised and fearful after what happened with Nolan, but it hasn’t shaken my resolve. Now that Bree is no longer in the picture, it’s time. Under the guise of our first self-defense lesson, I’m going to find out the truth. Can he love me when I also love the others? Will he take that leap with me?
Dressed in blue exercise pants and a matching long-sleeved shirt, he slides into the passenger seat of my nan’s car with all the energy of a golden retriever puppy. “Guess what?”
“What?” I reply, a mirror of his smile slipping onto my face.
“I’m no longer grounded!” he exclaims while buckling his seat belt. Ticking off his fingers, he explains, “It took perfect behavior all week, cleaning the entire house, and a strong argument that the community service I have to do for an accident I can’t remember should be enough of a punishment. Apparently, James wasn’t big on chores, so that alone shocked Mrs. Thomas… er, Nancy. Mom? I still don’t know what to call her when she isn’t around. I should call her Mom as practice so I don’t screw up when she is around, but it feels so weird because she isn’tmymom. It’s like I’m betraying her memory, you know? Man, I hate the way Mrs. Thomas looks whenever I screw it up though. It’s like I stabbed her right in the heart.” He gasps for air once he finishes, his normal rapid-fire pace of talking not conducive to needing air.
Maybe I should have him and Mei hang out more, if only so he can relearn when to take breaths while talking this fast.
I squeeze his hand that now sits limply at his side. It’s a novelty that he feels so warm and solid, when before it was like dunking my hand in ice water. My eyes turn glassy as I think of how close I was to losing him, and now he’s alive, beautifully, exquisitely alive.
Blinking away my tears and hoping my voice doesn’t betray my deeper emotions, I state, “You can call Mrs. Thomas whatever you want around me, and if you do decide to call her Mom all the time, it’s not a betrayal of your birth mother. She will forever be a part of you. It’s okay to take comfort in having James’s parents care for you too.”
“I feel like I’m living a lie,” he murmurs sadly, flipping his hand over so we can lace our fingers together. Less than a second later, he jolts and turns anxious eyes my way. “I’m sorry, that makes me sound ungrateful. I am. I really am. What you did for me—”
“It’s okay,” I interrupt, my gaze focused on our joined hands, because I know I can’t keep my riotous feelings from taking over my face. “We didn’t… I was so focused on keeping you from disappearing that I didn’t consider what your life would be like afterward.”
“No, you were right the first time.Wedidn’t, and that’s on me,” he insists, his fingers from his other hand brushing along the back of my palm. The touch feels like a direct line to my heart that aches under the immense love I have for him. “You gave me the opportunity to come back from the dead, and I took it. I chose this, and I’ll learn to navigate it.”
“Not alone,” I assure him, giving his hand another hard squeeze. “I’m… and the guys, we’re here for you.”
“I know, and I appreciate it.” A soft smile curves his mouth. He lets go of my hand and does a full body shake. “Alright, enough of sad-sack Felix. I’m finally free. Let’s go learn how to karate chop some bad guys.”
“You mean learn to defend yourself against attacks.” I laugh while starting up the car.And possibly become one of my boyfriends?One of…yeesh. Sounds like an insane ask every time I think about it, but I can’t help the way I feel.
“That’s what I said. Defend myself by karate chop.” He grins and makes a chopping gesture with the side of his hand.
Shaking my head, I pull out of the driveway, the gravel crackling underneath the tires, and make my way out of the city.
After several minutes of silence filled with the cool jazz radio station—Mildred demanded the music not be changed while I borrowed her car—my mind returns to one of my burning questions. Felix mentioned not being able to remember the accident, so does that mean he doesn’t remember confessing to me? It feels like there’s a trapped hummingbird buzzing around where my heart usually is, and sweat starts to build along the back of my neck.
Attempting to sound casual and breezy, I ask, “So you don’t remember anything from New Year’s night?”
He squints against the sun shining through the windshield, and his fingers drum along his lips while he thinks. “I vaguely remember Nolan’s New Year’s party, poofing to the site of the accident, and then waking up in the hospital. Why? Did something else happen?”
“Nope,” I answer with a shake of my head, swallowing down the instant hurt that I alone hold the memories of our first confessions of love.Please still be true and not just something he says when he’s drunk.“Well, there was the whole part where I inserted your spirit into a new body, but other than that, nothing eventful.”
“Barely needs to be mentioned.” He laughs with a happy bounce in his seat and then leans his head against the passenger side window to look up at the sky. “It’s a really nice day today. Practically summer weather.”
I keep my eyes on the road, a playful smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. “It seemed like a better choice for our first trip to the beach in the living world.”
“Beach?” he squeaks, looking like a startled cat, all wide-eyed and pressed against the passenger door.
My heart sinks, afraid that I’ve misinterpreted all the nights we spent on the dream beaches, his sweet touches keeping my nightmares at bay. Just because he broke up with Bree doesn’t mean he wants to date me.
“We don’t have to go to the beach,” I offer, doing my best to keep my voice even. “We can go somewhere else for your lesson. I thought that since—”
