“Lead the way,” he encourages, stuffing his hands back into his pockets.
Weaving through individuals enjoying everything from sunbathing to volleyball, I blather on about how the sand is going to be good practice to try and hold his balance while learning proper posture and positions. There’s a lot of gesturing with my hands, and I accidentally smack a small child who is running backward toward the surf. She rolls over onto her back and starts to sniffle while the waterworks build within her eyes, and I’m terrified that I’m about to be accosted by angry parents.
Felix is absolutely no help, snorting at the child who face-planted into the sand, while I flap my arms in an awkward comforting motion, apologize, and repeat, “You’re okay. Everything is okay.”
“Mommy!” she screams right into my face, causing a loud ringing to take over my hearing.
A fuller woman dressed in Bermuda shorts and a highlighter pink t-shirt gets up from under her beach umbrella that’s surrounded by various children’s toys and strolls over.
Shrinking back from what will inevitably be the angry rant of a parent protecting her kid, I’m shocked when she apologizes to me for the screaming and crying. Turning toward her offspring, she crouches down, and after an extensive search for any possible injuries, says plainly, “You’re fine. Now, what did we learn about not watching where we’re going?”
Like a magic trick, the kid instantly stops crying and sniffles. “Don’t, because might fall down.”
“That’s right.” The mother picks her up, dusts the sand off as best as possible, and plunks her back on her feet. “Now apologize to the nice girl for bumping into her and then you can have a snack.”
“Sorry!” she yells way too loudly, then sprints toward the cooler next to the umbrella like nothing happened.
“Kids.” The mother shrugs and follows her offspring for snack time.
Too annoyed to be nervous anymore, I smack Felix’s stomach with the back of my hand. He makes a soft “oof’ sound while I grumble, “You didn’t help at all.”
“You had it covered.” He grins, flapping his hands in the same awkward motions I was doing earlier.
“I’m so gonna karate chop you,” I mutter, then flounce my way down the beach until I find a bit of secluded sand. “You aresonot Best Boy today.”
“Dang it!” he shouts while taking longer strides to catch up to me. “I’m really sorry for not helping.”
“And?” I prompt with my arms crossed and an overexaggerated pout.
His features crowd together in concentration as he puzzles out what else he did. “And… for…” He speaks slowly, as if waiting for the right words to finish the sentence.
“Laughing at me!” I huff, throwing my hands in the air.
“Right! That too,” he adds and then attacks with innocent puppy eyes. “Please forgive me.”
I pretend to take a long time thinking it over, one foot thumping against the sand while I tap my lips with my pointer finger. With an exaggerated sigh, I relent, “Fine, you’re forgiven.”
“So magnanimous of you,” he teases.
Felix grins, picks me up, and then spins me around, both of us giggling over our silly faux fight. Our hug is playful and fun at first but quickly becomes more, the moment filled with heated awareness of each other and how I’m pinned against his bare chest as his big hands grip my hips. He immediately puts me back down, and we laugh nervously in unison, him rubbing the back of his neck while I find the various blues of the ocean fascinating.
After clearing his throat, with over-the-top enthusiasm, he suggests, “So how about we start those lessons?” He bows stiffly at the waist. “Teach me, oh wise and powerful master.”
“Yep. Let’s get to it!” I chirp, blaming my flushed skin on the hot sun.
After taking off our shoes and wiggling our toes in the sand, I lead Felix through the basics of defensive blocks. Similar to the ways Donovan taught me, I demonstrate the move and then help adjust his position and posture until he’s in the right pose. We slide back into our normal selves, teasing and chatting while the hours slip away.
When the sun is starting to dip under the horizon, Felix stops mid-motion and turns toward me. His expression looks determined, as if he’s spent all day preparing for this moment. “Callie, I need to ask you something, and please don’t say anything until the end, okay?”
I fall back into a resting position, worry tightening the muscles in my back and lodging my heart securely into my throat. After taking a hard swallow, I croak, “Okay.”
His eyes bounce around my face, cataloging my furrowed brow and bottom lip being gnawed on between my teeth. “It’s okay. It’s something good. Well… I hope you think it is.”
He takes my hands into his. They are warm and slightly tacky—from exercise or nerves, I don’t know. Not that mine are any better. My whole body is vibrating, waiting on his next words and hoping they match the ones I’ve wanted to say all day.
“Pretty girl, I…” Felix releases a pent-up breath and mutters, “Wow, this is much harder than I expected.”
While squeezing his hands, I look up into his pale green eyes with what I hope is a look of encouragement. Butterflies dance wildly within me simply from being able to touch him, and my fingers itch for more. My heart feels so full, and yet it’s not enough—not enough that he’s alive and whole. I want him, all of him, to be mine.
