Desperate to get away, I rip my sweater off, tearing seams in my haste, and summon my wings. The rage that lives inside me burns like a fire, leaving all that is gentle in me scorched away.I’m dangerous. I need to get away.
“Kaleb, please,” Callie begs, tears dripping down her cheeks. She reaches toward me, but I twist away. “It’s not what you think.”
“It’s exactly what I think,” I spit, my love tasting like ash on my tongue. “Forget everything I said tonight. I’m just some fucking idiot that thought, for once, I’d be enough.”
Not wanting to hear her excuses, I shoot into the sky, flapping my wings as hard as I can and doing what used to be the unthinkable—leaving Callie alone to cry.
Chapter 16
Kaleb
By the next morning, Callie’s spell had worn off, leaving my body loose and refreshed and my mind filled with self-loathing. I faked my way through the day with my typical, perfect Kaleb smile while actively avoiding Callie at all costs. However, as the team uses after-school practice to collectively help James remember how to play baseball, my smile wears thin—too consumed with how, in one evening, I destroyed what I spent so long building.
For months, I planned how I would tell Callie my feelings. It would be somewhere romantic, like the cliff looking out over the city. I would tell her how amazing I think she is, and how being with her makes me a better, happier, more genuine person. That my life is better because she’s a part of it. After asking her to be mine, I would hold her and kiss her sweetly, the way our first kiss should have gone.
Instead, I pinned her to a car out in the freezing cold after pawing at her in the hospital cafeteria and just blurted it out. My soul withers thinking about all the things I said and did under Callie’s spell. The worst part is that all of it was true. Without inhibitions and self-control, everything I thought came out in an artless mess.
Faex. I told her that I fantasized about doing things to her that would make me a bad person. It’s disastrous enough for her to know I sexually fantasize about her, let alone that it has dominating overtones. I drag one hand over my face, wishing I could disappear, while my stomach twists in anxious knots. Internally, I groan.Podex perfecta ego sum. I can’t believe I bragged to her about my sexual prowess. What the hell was I thinking?
Too consumed by my own humiliation, there’s not much room for me to process the fact that Callie’s dating three of my closest friends and wanted to make me her fourth. I don’t know why I was surprised. The whole school already thinks she’s dating all of us, so why wouldn’t she consider making it true? No matter what comes of this, I know, at the very least, that I need to apologize for acting like a spoiled toddler who didn’t get exactly what he wanted the way he wanted it. Somehow, saying “I’m sorry I acted like a complete jackass”doesn’t feel like enough.
“Dude, you okay?” Felix asks, pulling off his baseball mitt as he walks off the field to where I’m brooding in the dugout. “You look like you’re about to hurl your guts up.”
“I’m fine,” I answer through a gritted smile, my jaw already aching from unconsciously clenching my teeth all day long.
“Yeah, that’s a lie,” Felix observes with raised eyebrows. “You’re not even trying to sell it. How’s the head, by the way? It looked like the baseball smacked you pretty hard.”
Lifting the ice pack from my left brow, I angle my face so he can get a better look from his standing position.
“Nephilim powers are insane,” he whispers, leaning in so close that I can practically feel his breath. “There’s barely even a bruise.”
“How was practice?” I ask, changing the subject while putting the unnecessary ice pack back on my head. The cold reminds me of last night, and I consider the logistics of transferring to a new school in another country.
“I improve when I don’t think too hard about it, which goes completely against my normal instincts. Muscle memory helps with technique, but I have no idea what any of the nonverbal communications mean no matter how many times Dave and the coach explain it to me,” he answers, moving to sit down next to me on the bench. “You would know all of this if you paid any attention during practice today. I’ve never seen you this out of it. Tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can help.”
I’ve never humiliated myself this badly before. I’ll be surprised if Callie will ever talk to me again with the way I acted. Also, if Donovan ever finds out about this, I’ll never hear the end of it.
“Doubtful,” I mutter underneath my breath.
Before Felix can pry more, the rest of the team exits the field and makes a straight line for us. After being assured that I’m okay, the team razzes me for spacing in the outfield and letting the ball literally fall between my hands, which is what led to my head injury. When everyone heads for the showers, the coach holds me back to ask if there’s anything wrong that’s distracting me from baseball. I lie, telling him I’m just tired because I stayed up late working on a paper after doing volunteer work at the hospital. I get a mini lecture about overextending myself with an added offer to talk to my parents, which I promptly refuse. The irony is that after my anger burned itself out last night, I had the best sleep of my life. Callie’s spell acted like a constant soothing massage throughout my body.
By the time I’m able to get cleaned up, most of the locker room is empty except for a few stragglers. I get more razzing since I’ve never been held back by the coach for something that wasn’t either praise for my performance or going over stuff for the team. Putting on my Perfect Kaleb mask, I smile in good humor and comment that there’s a first for everything. They tease me about not making these flukes a habit since the team needs me at my best for the game next week. When they head out, I can hear them whispering their concerns if James will be able to play. As one of our other star players, he’ll be missed on the pitcher’s mound.
After quickly getting dressed and gathering my stuff, I come out of the boys’ locker room and find Felix leaning on the wall outside dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and James’s red letterman jacket. Dave is standing next to him and could easily be mistaken as his brother. They are dressed the same way and have similar builds, except Dave’s hair is a couple of shades darker and he has hazel eyes.
I’ve missed whatever they were talking about, only catching an apologetic expression on Felix and a dismissive shrug from Dave. When I approach, Dave gives me an unreadable look, tosses, “Later,” at Felix, and then takes long strides down the hall, his sneakers squeaking on the linoleum tiles.
“What was that—” I ask, only to be quickly cut off.
“It’s so weird to have one of these,” Felix exclaims, tugging on the open front of his letterman jacket. “You barely see anyone wear them anymore.”
“The chief of police is a big baseball fan,” I share, letting whatever happened with Dave go for now. Shifting my backpack over one shoulder, I continue, “The station put out a collection to buy them for the whole team, though I’m pretty sure the Campbells paid for most of it.”
“And here I thought I got community service because he and Steven were close friends,” he muses, picking his backpack up off the ground and also throwing it over one shoulder.
“Steven?” I repeat while motioning for us to head down the hall.
Felix falls in step beside me. “Yeah, he’s been pretty cool about the amnesia thing once he accepted that ‘I’” —he finger quotes— “won’t get my memory back. He made me a family cheat sheet and introduced himself as Steven. Said that until I’m comfortable using Dad, I could call him by his first name. James’s mom doesn’t like it much.”
