Kalie swallowed. The stories she could tell about Lex would fill a whole volume. “She was always laughing. Always. She was so much like Ariah, she idolized her, but she was the spitting image of Uncle Jacyn. If not for her eyes, I think everyone would’ve doubted she was Aunt Calida’s. Night and day, those two.”
For as long as she could remember, Aunt Calida had been poised and proper. Granted, Lex was only four, but even at that age, Kalie had been mimicking Aunt Calida’s behaviors. Lexie was a wild child in every sense of the word, like her father before her.
“Aunt Calida wanted her in tutus and ballet slippers. Lex preferred markers and skinned-up knees. She was a diva, though.” Kalie gave a watery chuckle and swiped at her stinging eyes. “She loved climbing and running, but gods forbid her outfit didn’t match.”
Zane snorted. “Sounds like my mom.”
Kalie smiled, but it faltered all too quickly. Letting out a heavy sigh, she rested her chin in her hands. “She was the sweetest soul,” she whispered, as tears spilled down her cheeks. “You know those people who just glow from within? That was Lex. She was wild, she was loud, but everyone loved her. She would’ve made a wonderful duchissa someday.”
Zane gave her a sad smile as he swept away her falling tears. “That’s how you should remember her. The end doesn’t define her life. When the nightmares come, replace it with those memories. Remember her in life, not in death.”
Drawing in a shaky breath, Kalie nodded. In her memories, Lexie grinned and waved, flung her feather boa around her neck, then sprinted into the sunny gardens. “Thank you.”
“She was too young,” Zane muttered, gazing out the window.
Kalie blinked back tears. “She was.”
He squeezed her hand. They sat in silence, with only the crackling fire for company.
“When the world starts spinning again,” he said at last, “I’m always here. I can be your anchor.”
Kalie turned, so their faces were inches apart—close enough that the heat of his minty breath caressed her face. There was nothing false or mocking in his expression, and his eyes were somber but earnest as they met hers. The offer was genuine, and gods, she needed it. No one else understood. No one else would sit with her in the night and dry her tears.
No one would sit with him after his nightmares, either.
She looked down at their clasped hands and brushed her thumb across his knuckles. “I can be yours.”
His breathing stilled.
“If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. For anything.”
A flash of panic darted across his face, and his eyes darted to the door. Smoothing her thumb across his knuckles, Kalie offered him a reassuring smile. Not tonight, then. When he was ready to tell her about his own nightmares, she would listen.
The fire snapped and hissed as it consumed a log, devouring it until nothing but ash was left. Crows cawed beyond the window. Distant footsteps thumped against the ceiling. Normally, she hated the silence. Silence meant loneliness, it meant loss, but this was different. Kalie breathed out slowly. This was comfortable, and with her soft shawl wrapped around her shoulders and her hand resting in his, the last of the night terrors faded from her mind.
“I owe you an apology,” she murmured.
“You already apologized.”
“It was a pathetic apology.”
A wry gleam shone in Zane’s eyes. “Yeah, it kinda was.”
She lowered her gaze to the burgundy carpet. “I don’t know where to start. I’m sorry. About your grandparents, your father, your barony. Gods, I love Aunt Calida, but I don’t know what she was thinking. Your grandfather was a war hero. Your father… I owe him a debt for saving Aunt Calida. You should’ve been a baron from the moment he passed, and I…” She shook her head. “I’m truly sorry, Zane. More than words can express.”
“None of the blame for any of that lies with you. You hadn’t even been born.”
“Maybe. But I do owe you a debt, and ripping open your old wounds was a poor way to repay it. I can’t believe I haven’t said this yet, but…”Look him in the eye.Pressing her lips together, she forced herself to look up at him. “I’m sorry for your losses. All of them. Your family, your squad, your…” Her gaze flitted to the metal beads peeking out from under his shirt, and she swallowed. “For everyone.”
“Thank you,” he said hoarsely.
“And for what it’s worth…” Maybe it was her imagination, but his eyes seemed as glossy as hers. “You are the furthest thing from a coward. You’re far, far braver than I could ever be.”
“I don’t know,” Zane said, with a hint of teasing in his tone. “It takes some serious guts to negotiate your way out of captivity. Or to look the Prime Minister of the entire Federation in the eye and tell him to rot in hell.”
She grimaced. “That was reckless.” And reckless or not, she’d sworn an oath on her soul. She had tokill Carik now, or die trying.
Zane surprised her with a laugh. “You’d be boring if you always played it safe.”
