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“Chloe! Chloe!”
I turned and came face to face with a sad-eyed Randy.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I’m sorry to bother you again, Chloe. But can we talk? Just for five minutes?”
I bristled and shook my head.
“I don’t have anything to say to you,” I said, turning away.
“Wait! Please!” he begged. “I have a lot to say to you. Just listen. Please, Chloe? Can I buy you coffee or something?”
I sighed, looking him over, trying to find some resemblance to me. Maybe the eyes a little, I thought.
“Alright,” I relented. “One coffee. And then I never want to see you again, okay?”
“If you say so,” he said, a smile spreading across his face.
We walked across the street to another coffee shop and I ordered decaf and sat down with him at a table near the window. Streams of New Yorkers flowed by, a melting pot of nationalities and shapes and sizes. I couldn’t help but think about how amazing America is, allowing a chance at freedom to all religions and races, welcoming in the downtrodden, the oppressed, the needy.
Maybe the pregnancy was making me sentimental, or maybe it was getting out of my bubble in Oregon and seeing the country for what it really was…a mix of people from all over the world. That’s what really makes this country great, all of the diversity coming together to form a perfect nation. Not that it was perfect, by a long shot, but nothing really is.
Not even this man sitting in front of me.
Even so, I was still annoyed that he’d bothered me again, but I thought if I heard him out, maybe he’d go away. I honestly had no interest in having him in my life after all this time of being absent.
As far as I was concerned, even taking into account the fact that nobody is perfect, we’re all flawed, we all make mistakes, I still had no use for him in my life.
My daughter shifted in my stomach, the fluttering sending a delightful thrill through me. I loved feeling her move. The first time had been amazing and I was so thankful that I’d felt it when Bear was there. I squealed with delight and he’d beamed with joy, not taking his hand off of my stomach the entire night. I smiled, thinking about him now. He was due home tonight and I was eager to see him.
I was excited to update him on the progress of the shop, but now I’d have to tell him about this meeting, too.
But first, I just wanted to get it over with. I looked at my watch to note the time and looked over at Randy expectantly.
“So, five minutes. What’s up?”
“I’m so glad you agreed to talk with me,” he said, smiling over the table. “It’s so good to see you, Chloe. You’ve really grown up.”
“I certainly have. That’s what happens after twenty-six years.”
“You’re angry. That’s understandable.”
“I’m not angry,” I said, with a dismissive wave. “Maybe I used to be, but right now, I just don’t give a shit about you at all, honestly.”
He blinked at my harshness, but I didn’t care if I hurt him. He deserved it. He’d hurt me all my life.
“Okay,” he nodded slowly, taking a deep breath. “I suppose an explanation is in order.”
“I’m really not interested in an explanation.”
“Well, let me give you one anyway, okay?”
“I guess so,” I said, my voice full of exasperation.
“I was young. I was stupid,” he began. “Matilda was strong, determined, always so sure of herself.”
“Nothing’s changed in that department,” I said.
“I’m not surprised. I knew she’d go on to do great things,” he said. “And I knew she’d take great care of you. And by the looks of you, it appears I was right in that regard.”
I cringed at his words. Matilda might have taken care of the necessities, but saying she took good care of me wasn’t something I’d say myself. She housed me, she fed me, she took me to the doctor when necessary, but other than that, she wasn’t really present.
“When I found out she was pregnant, I panicked. I stuck around through the pregnancy, but once we brought you home, I knew I wasn’t prepared to be a parent.”
“Nobody is,” I replied angrily, thinking of myself. Hell, I was scared to death of being a mother, not to mention afraid of actually giving birth. But I was going to do it, because it was what you did when you were a parent. You put your own shit aside and did what was best for the child. I had every intention of doing that, no matter how hard it got. If he was looking for me to relate to him, he wasn’t going to find it.
“You’re right,” he said. “And you’re right to be angry. I get it, I do. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have let my fear get in the way. I never should have left.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” I said, looking at my watch. He had two minutes left.
“I guess I just wanted to apologize. Now, I see how much I screwed up. How it must have affected you.”
“I’m fine,” I replied cooly.
“You are, aren’t you?” he asked. “You’ve done very well for yourself, Chloe. Marrying Bear Dalton will ensure you’re taken care of for the rest of your life.”
“I can take care of myself just fine,” I said, “I’ve been doing it all my life.”
“I know,” he said. “But the money has to help.”
“My husband’s money is none of your business.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said. “I just mean in general, money can solve a lot of people’s problems.”
“I suppose,” I said, with a dismissive wave.
“Is there anything you want to know about me?” he asked.
I stopped short at his question. When I was younger, I’d spend hours daydreaming about what my father might be like. I’d seen pictures of him, much younger than he was now, smiling with his arm around my mother, his hand resting on her swollen belly, or the two of us playing together at a park. I’d always wondered what he was thinking in those pictures, if he ever thought of me now, where the hell he was…
“Where do you live?” I asked.
“Here, in New York,” he said. “I’m at St. Anthony’s, over in the Bronx.”
“St. Anthony’s?” I asked.
“It’s a shelter,” he shrugged.
“A homeless shelter?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “I’ll get out soon, though. Just need to get back on my feet, get a job…it’ll happen. I have hope.”
“I see,” I nodded, wondering if the absence of any feelings whatsoever about this news was normal. Shouldn’t I care that the man who fathered me was homeless while I lived in one of the nicest penthouses in the city? Shouldn’t I feel sorry for him? Should I offer him money? A place to live?
My head spun with questions, but my heart remained firmly closed for business. When it came to him, I just felt dead inside. I’d felt that way for a long time, though.
“So what did you do in the twenty-six years between then and now?”
“I traveled around, finding odd jobs here and there. I went to Mexico for a while, lived in Texas for a few years, but nothing ever stuck. I’ve always been a bit of a wanderer, I guess.”
“How long have you been in New York?”
“Just a few weeks. When I saw the announcement in the papers that you were getting married, I hopped a train and made my way up.”
“You came up here because of that?” I asked, incredulously.
“Yes,” he admitted.
“Why?” I asked, suspiciously.
“To see you,” he said.
“But you haven’t made an effort to see me in all these years and now you go out of your way. That doesn’t make sense….wait a minute,” I paused, reality dawning on me. “You want money.”
“What?” he asked, shaking his head. “I wanted to see you.”
“I don’t believe you,” I said, standing up. “If you truly wanted to see me, you’d have contacted me sooner.”
“
Look, I’ll admit having a daughter married to one of the richest men in the world makes me happy. But I did want to see you.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head, my lips pressed together firmly.
“No, what?”
“No, I’m not giving you any money! Stay away from me, Randy, do you understand?”
“But, Chloe, I’m your dad!”
“No, you aren’t. You just donated a few sperm, that’s all, and that doesn’t make you a father.”
“Chloe, please?” he asked.
“Please what?”
“Don’t turn your back on me. I’m homeless. And you live in that penthouse, your husband has so much money, he’ll never be able to spend it all…”
“Yeah,” I said, “but that’s not really any of your concern, is it?”
“Chloe, don’t walk away from me…” he said, as I turned towards the door.
“Why not? That’s what you did to me. To Matilda. I don’t see any reason why I need to have someone like you in my life. I don’t owe you a thing. Goodbye, Randy,” I said, walking to the door and leaving him sitting at the table alone.
“Chloe, if you walk out the door, you’ll regret it.”
I paused, looking back at him with wide eyes.
