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Nathan was my brother, even if it was only because my mother had married his father. What would people think if we started dating? I doubted very many people would approve.
Yet, at the same time, I didn’t want to just continue having casual sex with him when we got home. Being in bed with him was amazing, there was no denying that, but I wouldn’t be able to stand being his secret lover while he went out with different girls.
That wouldn’t be fair, to any of us.
Sleep took forever to over taking me that night, as I stared up at the dark ceiling. Even with Nathan’s arm around me, I just couldn’t slip into the slumber I craved to get my mind off of Nathan, even for just a little bit.
The next morning, I woke up just as tired as I’d been when I’d gone to sleep. Sometime in the night I had indeed fallen asleep, but it hadn’t been the relaxing, peaceful sleep I’d had the last few nights. It was fitful, with lots of tossing and turning. I was surprised Nathan had been able to sleep at all with me in bed with him.
I was up a good twenty minutes before he was, still staring up at the ceiling turmoil raging inside me. Sometime in the night I’d decided what I wanted, but I wasn’t sure how Nathan would respond.
When he woke up, he pulled me tight against him again, and I laid my head on his chest after he kissed my cheek. I’d expected him to want to fuck right away, like we had been doing, but he seemed to be content to just cuddle, neither of us speaking.
“Are you okay?” Nathan asked, lifting my chin until we locked eyes. It was the first thing he’d said, other than good morning. “You’ve seemed a bit off since yesterday.”
I chewed on my lip, not quite sure how to broach the subject. I didn’t want Nathan to think I was getting clingy or anything. From what I’d heard from Kelly and my books, nothing sent a guy running faster than a girl who got too clingy.
“Have you thought about what’s going to happen after we head home?” I asked at last.
“What do you mean?”
Typical Nathan, I thought, rolling my eyes. He was too busy living in the moment to think about what happened when we went back to our normal lives. “I mean, what are we going to do about us? Are… we going to keep this up? Do you want to keep this up? Do you… do you want more out of this?”
He stared at me for a moment, then closed his eyes and leaned back against his pillow. “Do you want to keep this up? It’ll be a lot harder when we get home, to keep it from everyone, I mean. Someone is bound to notice if you’re spending the night in my bed.”
That’s what I’d been afraid of. I didn’t want this to end; I didn’t want to just be another notch on his bed post.
I pulled out of his arms and scooted over in the bed, needing a bit of space. He didn’t seem to even be considering anything more than just sex between us, even if we kept things going after the trip. He’d been my first, someone I thought cared about me as more than just a girl to occupy his bed. Had I been wrong about him?
“What’s wrong?” Nathan tried to pull me back into his arms, but I resisted, not wanting to look at him yet.
“I thought maybe this was more than just a hook-up.”
Nathan exhaled sharply. “It is more than just a hook-up, Sarah. You know I care about you, but you’re my stepsister. What would everyone say if they found out about us?”
Rolling off the bed, I walked over to the window and peered out it. What was I supposed to do now?
“Doesn’t it even bother you a little? I mean, for Christ’s sake, Nathan, you were my first. I thought…. I thought this meant something more to you.” I fought back the tears that formed at the corners of my eyes.
Nathan was behind me before I knew hit, his hands at my waist. “Come on, Sarah. Don’t be like that!”
I pushed him away, heading for the bathroom. “I need a shower. You need to figure things out by the time I get out. I’m not going to just be your weekend fuck, Nathan. I thought you were better than that!”
Once the door was shut, I leaned against it, no longer able to fight back the tears.
Nathan
I stared at Sarah as she walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Fucking hell. That hadn’t gone the way I’d wanted it to. I’d known we’d need to have this chat sooner or later, but I hadn’t expected it to go down that badly.
I need a drink, I thought to myself. I grabbed some clothes and threw them on before slipping out of the room and heading to the bar. It was a good thing the place was open this early, since I was pretty sure I was going to go insane without something to calm my nerves.
Sarah wasn’t the only one who’d been thinking about this. I’d just hoped I would’ve had a bit more time to work things out before we sat down and talked about things, not that we’d done much sitting or talking.
Apparently neither of us were the greatest under pressure. I wished Sarah would’ve just told me what she wanted, right from the start, instead of playing twenty questions. Not that I’d done much better and spitting out what was on my mind.
I did want to be with Sarah, more than anything I wanted to be wither. No matter what I was doing this week, all I could think about was Sarah. But no matter how much I wanted to be with her, it just didn’t seem feasible. We were step-siblings, after all.
Which is why I’d assumed, after this week was over, things would go back to normal between us. Because, no matter how much either of us wanted something else, it just couldn’t happen.
Could it?
I was halfway through a glass of scotch when Billy walked in. I nodded to him and he stalked over, glaring at me. “What the hell, man?”
“Good morning to you too,” I said dryly. “I wondered when you’d show up again.”
“Like you have room to talk. I wasn’t the one fucking my sister for the past three days!”
My heart skipped a beat. How the fuck had he known? Or was he just being a dumbass? I slammed the drink onto the table and glared at him, not much in the mood for his bullshit today. “The hell’s your problem? I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
Billy slammed a room key onto the table next to my glass. “I’m in room 202, the one right next to yours, jackass. I could hear the two of you going at it like fucking animals. What the hell is wrong with you? I told you I was into her. Did you just fucking hook up with her to spite me or some shit? She’s your sister for fucks sake!”
“Step-sister,” I spat back, throwing his words back at him. “Remember? And no, fuckface, the entire fucking world doesn’t revolve around you. So fuck off and stay out of my business.”
Right then, I couldn’t remember why
I’d ever been friends with him. I’d always just sort of hung out with him, even though we’d never really been close. Now I was starting to regret never telling him to fuck off before now.”
“Oh, I bet your daddy would just love to know what kind of business you’ve been getting up to. What would he say if he found out you were fucking your sweet little step-sister, huh? I bet he’d be so thrilled he sent the two of you up here so you can fuck like rabbits!”
“Fuck off,” I rolled my eyes at his stupid threat. “Like he’d ever believe you. You’re just some fuckwit who’s pissed because you couldn’t get laid.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He played around on it for a minute, then tossed it onto the table. “How about we let Sarah be the one to tell him?”
Seconds later, Sarah’s voice came out of the phone. “Oh god! Fuck me, Nathan! Harder! Oh god, I’m gonna come!”
My face heated and I clenched my fist, fighting back the urge to knock Billy into last year. Fucking asshole had recorded us having sex at some point. Fucking son of a bitch.
It took every ounce of my will power not to beat his fucking ass. I’d always known he was a dick, but I’d never expected this from even him.
“You’re a fucking dickbag.”
He picked up his phone and room key, stuffing them back into his pocket. “Break it off with her, or as soon as I get service, I will send this little recording to Daddy and we’ll see just what he thinks of his golden boy son. And if you tell anyone about this, I’ll post this online and fucking ruin you, understand?”
I watched a Billy stalked off, then picked up my scotch and downed the rest of it before signaling the bartender for another. One drink definitely wasn’t going to be enough now.
Now what the fuck was I supposed to do?
Despite my reservations earlier, I didn’t want to break it off with Sarah. Ending this was the logical thing to do, but it wasn’t what I wanted to do. Billy was right. What would my father say if he found out Sarah and I hooked up on a trip I’d talked him into paying for?
