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I squeezed Julian’s hand as we entered the room, throwing him a faint, nervous smile. Seeming to sense my hesitation, he tightened his grip and guided me over to the adjustable exam table.
“Everything’s going to be fine,” he said, though judging by the look on his face—the tight draw of his mouth, the clench of his jaw, and that little muscle twitch in his cheek—I thought that he might be saying that to assuage his own nerves as well. “Probably won’t even be too much to see, this early on.”
“You’re probably right,” I said, sitting on the edge of the table as we waited for the technician to arrive. “I’ve just never had one of these done before.”
“Well, if it makes you feel better, doctors give me the willies.”
I arched a brow at him. “Well, it’s not you they’re going to be looking inside of,” I reminded him, half a reassurance, half an admonishment for forgetting which one of us was the subject of this little examination here. “You don’t have anything to worry about.”
“It’s not just that,” he muttered, averting his gaze. “It’s the baby too.”
“What about it?” I asked, reaching out to take his hand again. He shifted and gave my hand a quick squeeze before pulling up one of the two small chairs near the door.
“I don’t know,” he said, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair. “I’m just… I want everything to be okay. I’m not sure I’d know how to handle it if something was wrong.”
I smiled at him a little differently now, with much more warmth and understanding as I laced my fingers with his. This was the first time I’d seen him actually worried about the baby, and despite his distress, I felt relieved by how much he actually cared. He was really shaping up, and in leaps and bounds too. It was like spending less time with Tessa, less time embroiled in the world of camera flashes and scandals, had brought out the best in him.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” I said softly. “But for now, we don’t need to be worrying about uncertainties. We have enough that is certain to stress over—and high levels of stress aren’t good for pregnancies, according to what I read on the subject…”
The sound of footsteps drew my attention away from Julian as a man in a pair of turquoise scrubs walked into the room, a big, customer-service smile on his face.
“Hi there,” he said, his voice terrifically smooth. “I’m Tyler. I’m going to be performing your ultrasound today. Would you mind giving me your name and date of birth?”
“Elizabeth Jane Lawson,” I said, frowning at what seemed like an odd request. “And I was born on February fourteenth, nineteen eighty-four.”
“Ouch. Valentine’s day?” Julian asked with an exaggerated wince. I sighed and smacked his arm to keep him quiet, making him draw back as though he’d been wounded, that playful grin of his smeared on his lips—the more I saw of it, the more it was growing on me.
Tyler glanced between the two of us, probably confused as to why Julian wouldn’t have known my birthday. Then he sat down at the swiveling stool beside the ultrasound machine.
“Have you ever had one of these before?” he asked, donning a pair of gloves from a box stashed under the machine.
“No, never,” I said, swallowing nervously at the soft snap of the latex hitting his wrists.
“Well, you don’t have anything to worry about,” Tyler assured me, grabbing a white squeeze bottle. “This scan doesn’t hurt a bit. The most you’re going to feel is a little chilly from this gel. Other than that, it’s totally painless.”
I nodded faintly as Tyler leaned behind the exam table and brought the head-rest up by about forty-five degrees, just enough for me to recline so he could get easy access to my stomach. I laid back on the uncomfortable mattress, lifting my shirt up to the bottom of my bra when he told me to.
Despite his warnings, the gel was much colder than I’d expected. After he’d squeezed a good bit of it onto my abdomen, I watched him use the sensor wand hanging off of the machine to spread the gel over where my uterus was.
“Jesus,” I muttered, “that is cold.”
“Yeah, it’s the worst part,” Tyler said, “but at least that’s all there is to it. Now, let’s see if we can find that baby in there.”
I swallowed thickly, and a moment later, Julian squeezed my hand. The top of the ultrasound machine began to show grainy, almost indiscernible images floating and morphing across the screen. It was hard to tell what anything was, though from the way Tyler seemed to be moving the wand and adjusting the settings on the console, he knew exactly what he was looking for.
It took maybe a minute or two, but then he gave a sound of excitement, turning the screen toward Julian and I and pointed toward a rather distinct black spot in the middle of a gray-ish ring.
“There it is,” he said, a big smile on his face. “Not much to look at right now, but that’s your baby right there. Size is about right. If you come back in a month or so, you’ll be able to see the heartbeat.”
I suddenly felt a lump in my throat. Sure, it was just a spot of ink, but suddenly realizing that it was my inky spot somehow made it infinitely more impactful. Beside me, I could hear Julian make a soft sound, and as I turned to look at him I could see tears beginning to form at the corners of his eyes.
“I’ll give you two a minute alone,” Tyler said, smiling as he clicked a few buttons on the console to freeze the image of our still as-yet unformed baby on the screen.
As the tech left the room, Julian sniffled. The smile on his face was strained. “Told you,” he whispered. And then he made the stupid monkey face again.
This time, it made me laugh. And then it made me cry. I looked at the monitor, tears streaming down my cheeks. Julian leaned in and pressed his lips against my face, drying those tears with kisses, cleaving to my hand as he whispered, “You’re incredible, Liz. Look at that thing. Look how well you’re doing already. You’re going to be a great mum.” I was crying harder now. Damn him, he knew just how to yank at my heart strings. “You’re going to be…”
The ringing of Julian’s phone shattered the moment. For several seconds he made no move to answer it, but we both knew he would have to eventually. I didn’t say anything as he withdrew; I knew it was with great reluctance. I also knew who was on the other end of the line before Julian ever even answered it—Tessa was the only person who ever called Julian on his cell.
&nb
sp; “Hey, Tess!” Julian began, exchanging dread for excitement. “We just got done with the ultrasound. We’re—”
His face fell more suddenly than I had ever seen, a frown replacing that dashing smile of his like the flip of a switch. My stomach did a somersault, and suddenly everything went completely cold. “How?”
“Julian?” I asked, dread coiling my guts into knots as I wiped away the gel off of my stomach. Something was obviously wrong, and the longer Julian stood there, silently listening to whatever Tessa was saying, the more my mind came up with the worst possible outcomes.
“Right,” he said, swallowing hard as he gave me a look that had the power to break my heart. “We’ll see you in a minute.”
“Julian, what’s wrong?” I asked, my voice rising to match my growing distress. I felt vulnerable enough after having someone quite literally scanning my insides. Adding some disaster to the mix was too much to bear, especially when I had no idea what to expect from it. I felt weightless, like I was falling from some vast height, and there was no safety net below me—just an endless void.
“Tessa’s coming around with a car,” he said, meeting my gaze with a ghost of an apology in his eyes. “Somehow, the press found out about our arrangement. They think this whole thing is a sham.”
Julian
The first car was meant for Liz. Tessa wanted her back at the hotel as soon as possible, where she would hopefully avoid getting swamped by the paparazzi and where she would be somewhat safe in general. Sadly, I wasn’t so lucky.
Tessa had called a press conference in order to try and “get a handle on the situation,” as she put it. In truth, she was just planning to cover our asses, but I didn’t care. My reputation meant nothing right now. All I was worried about now was Liz and the baby.
