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Despite my doubts, life has given me a second chance, and I can’t help but grasp it with both hands. It’s all thanks to Dixie and her willingness to put aside our past struggles and focus on what could be instead of what has been.
I’m done looking back. All I want is to focus on the future. The future I hope I’ll have with her.
That one girl who always escaped my grasp …
Turns out, all I needed to do was bow down and accept my shame with dignity.
That little cupcake came to me on her own accord, running right back into my open arms.
Just like my papa once told me. You can’t force love. It has to happen on its own.
How fitting that it’s now that I think of him. As we make our way to the place he once loved the most. On the vast plains beyond the town, there’s a small hill that overlooks the valley. We used to camp out here all the time, make flatbread, and eat smoked fish. I remember this place and the memories I have fondly.
Which is why we’re out here building a fire. In memory of my papa and her family. For those who have perished. For those who have suffered at our hands.
This is my moment of salvation.
I take a deep breath, inhaling the smoke and fire like it gives me life.
Dixie stands beside me, and she smiles coyly as she tucks something into my hand. Frowning, I open my hand only to find my own pendant.
“Thought you might need this,” she says. “You know … to say goodbye.”
I cock my head. “I gave this to you to keep.”
“I know because you wanted to protect me. But I don’t need any more protection.” She wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me tight. “I have you.”
And I am fucking melting into a puddle. Dammit. Only for this woman.
I wrap my hand around her, and say, “Thank you.”
But my eyes still hone in on the fire as my mind has already strayed. This pendant isn’t only for protection. It’s a burden too. A way to tell someone you care about them so much you couldn’t bear to lose them. Only when they die is it passed on.
It’s a relic of death. Something that doesn’t belong in my life anymore.
I don’t want to leave ruin in my wake. For once, I’d like to make people happy. Starting with her, Dixie Burrell, my girl. She’s the only reason I’m still walking this earth. The reason I don’t feel as lonely as I did before.
After pressing a kiss to her forehead, I walk toward the fire and hold the pendant above it.
“Are you sure?” she asks as she comes to stand beside me.
I nod. And as I drop the pendant into the fire and watch it burn, I haven’t been more sure of anything in my life.
The past and all its grief are behind me now. I wanna look forward to the future, and all it may entail.
But there is one person I have to thank for giving me so much wisdom, even in times when I didn’t think I’d need it. “Thank you, Papa.” I swallow away the lump in my throat. “For being the best Papa I could ever have.”
I won’t say his name out of respect, and I won’t cry. Grieving would prevent a person from passing over. It’s what he would’ve wanted, and respecting his wishes is the least I could do.
Dixie’s eyes water, and she too throws memorabilia into the fire; a photograph of her together with her family. “Goodbye,” she murmurs, and I hold her tight.
I don’t intend to let go.
Not now. Not ever.
This girl and I … we’ve entwined our worlds until we could no longer live without each other. The pain we’ve endured is incomprehensible, but if we hadn’t, would we still have loved each other this deeply? Would we have appreciated each other as much as we do now?
I doubt it.
Love doesn’t just happen to people.
You don’t just stumble onto it.
You work at it with passion and enthusiasm. Like building a burned down Stop & Shop from the ground up.
Brick by brick.
And I can’t wait to get started.
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