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And for that, I’ll be forever to blame.
And I won’t hold it against her if she hates me forever.
But now I finally understand. Why she had this unquenchable thirst to murder me in my sleep. Why she wished I wasn’t ever in her life to begin with.
As she said, I’ve ruined everything.
I destroy everything I touch, including her.
And fuck me, right now, that hurts more than anything.
Sighing, I make my way up a small mountain path and sit down against the hard stone, watching the horizon from afar. It’ll be a long time before dawn, but I won’t get any rest.
My mind has to be clear for that, and right now, it’s cloudier than ever.
But my heart … fuck, my heart is bleeding.
I thought mine had shriveled up and died, but Dixie coming back into my life brought back feelings I thought were buried long ago. Something untouchable. Something I can’t explain. A longing that goes unanswered.
I can feel it deep down inside me, the need to claim her and never let go. To kiss her and ruin her and do everything I ever wanted to do to her body. And then when I’m done with her, I’ll do it all over again and again.
Because that’s just it. Even though I fucking hate her sometimes, I still can’t get enough of her. Physically, I’m away, but mentally … I’m still right there with her.
That has to mean something. I just don’t know what.
It’s not right.
I have no right to her.
Especially not if everything she says is true.
Should I let her go?
Should I go search for my papa’s real killers?
Or should I let her kill me after all?
Fuck me, I don’t know anything anymore.
Shaking my head, I blow out another breath and fumble in my pockets to take out another cig. Man, I’ll probably go through my entire stash before the night is over.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Dixie
I keep screaming, but my voice disappears into the wind.
Brandon is long gone and so is my hope for being untied.
Now I’m stuck here in front of a car, praying to God that fucking coyotes don’t eat me alive.
Fuck.
I hate that he put me here just so he can walk off while ignoring me. What the hell is he thinking, keeping me contained? He knows I’m innocent. I saw the realization and the regret in his eyes. All of it probably became a little too much for him to handle, so he just walked off and left me here all by myself. Alone. In the wide-open desert.
Great.
As if things weren’t going badly enough already.
First, I let him fuck me like some animal, and my body betrays me by actually enjoying it. And then when the truth finally comes out, I’m still being held captive.
It’s as if the world hates me or something.
No, just Brandon Locklear right now.
Why can’t he just face the goddamn truth and let me go like he’s supposed to? I didn’t do anything wrong, and he knows it. How long is he gonna leave me here? Until I die?
Fuck no. I’m not letting that happen.
Besides, I have a responsibility to my dad. I went to that casino hotel for a reason. My mission failed, but that doesn’t mean I can’t try again. I just have to recoup and revise my plan. This time without bumping into fucking Brandon Locklear.
I assume his uncle won’t let him back in either, considering how he saved my ass. His uncle must be pissed off at him. I can imagine it’s a tough spot to be in, torn between family and … past love.
Sighing, I stare at my own two feet, wondering if I could’ve said something else to keep him from walking off. Part of me wanted him to leave me the fuck alone, but not when it comes at the expense of my freedom. Another part of me desperately wants him to stay.
I don’t know why I want him to … I just want him at my feet, groveling, pleading for my forgiveness. I don’t think I’d ever give it to him, but it’s sure nice to see him hurt for once.
Honestly, I don’t understand why I care so much, but I do. Apparently, his harsh ass has wriggled its way back into my stone-cold heart and lit it on fire again.
My mind is still trying to deny it, telling me that isn’t true and I must hate him for what he did to my family. But my body can’t stop responding to his. Even now when I think about the way he touched me, I still get goose bumps.
Damn him and his incessant sneaky ways.
Staring at the fire ahead, I think about my options … and of all the ways Brandon has managed to make me squirm.
Fuck.
Remember, Dixie, he killed your fucking brothers.
He never apologized.
Never showed remorse.
