“So why not get it? With him.”
“With Gavin?”
“Yeah. Why not?”
I sling back my vodka, grimacing from the burn, and set the shot glass on the table. “I… It’s complicated.”
I want to smack myself for using that excuse, given my history with it, but it’s the only way to describe the situation we’re in. We said we were just having fun, and even though my feelings have definitely changed since we first agreed to that, I’m still unbelievably scared of them. I mean, there’s no way I found someone so perfect so soon after my divorce…right? That only happens in the movies, not to me. I couldn’t possibly be that lucky. Not after everything.
“There’s always a reason to not be with someone—and trust me, I thought I had a very good one at one point—but I promise you, Van, there are a million other reasonstobe with them, and they always outweigh that one.”
I know he’s right, but fear still sits heavily on my chest.
“He loves you, you know.”
I don’t even try to act surprised by his words. Why should I? I think Gavin and I have been telling each other we love one another for weeks, not with our words but with our actions and our bodies. That’s certainly what I tried to tell him in my art room the other day, and I think it’s what he was trying to say, too.
“I’m scared, Reed,” I confess out loud for the first time. “I can’t get my heart broken again. The divorce…the cheating…it broke me. I can’t be broken again. And with the way I feel about Gavin, I’m not sure I’d recover.”
“I’ve known him a long time, and I know he’d never do anything to hurt you.”
“That’s what everyone says.”
“Yeah, but sometimes they mean it.” He leans across the table. “Besides, do you want to go through your life alone because you’re too afraid to love again? If I had done that, Iwouldn’t have met Auden, and I wouldn’t have Alana. And that would suck, because my baby is cute as hell.”
I chuckle. “She really is.”
“She is, and she wants her auntie Vanessa to be happy.”
“Using the kid against me isn’t cool, Reed.” I glare at him.
He shrugs unapologetically. “If it gets you to admit you’re in love with him, then I’m fine with it.”
I scoff. “As if that was ever a question. Of course I’m in love with him. I love him more than I could possibly explain. I?—”
“Is that true?”
I pause. I can usually tell when he’s near, but I was so wrapped up in talking to Reed that I missed it.
He’s here.
Gavin is here.
Slowly, I turn, and a grin breaks out over my face like I haven’t seen him in years rather than hours.
“Hi,” I whisper.
“Is that true, Nessa? Do you love me?”
I push from the booth, rising to my feet, and I wish I hadn’t. My knees are shaking so hard they’re nearly knocking together, and my whole body is buzzing in a way it never has before. I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, then convince myself to look up at him.
Greens and golds and browns meet my stare, taking my breath away. Will it always be like this when I look at him? Will I always get these butterflies? Will he always make my heart feel like it’s doing cartwheels? I already know the answer to those questions, which is why he needs to know too.
“Gavin, I…” I take a deep breath. “I’ve been hurt.Badly. I gave away my heart and my trust, and it was given back to me in shards. Because of that, I was mean. I was cold. I was just a shell of the person I set out to be. And then you happened.” I smile softly, thinking of the night we met. “You came into my life onthe worst possible day and somehow made it the best. You didn’t judge me. You didn’t care that I was broken. You listened. You understood. You were simplythere, and that meant more than you could know. And when I moved out here to run away from my problems, there you were again. By accident, of course, but it didn’t feel like an accident. It felt like fate. It felt like this was where I was meant to be, and I think that’s because of you. No, Iknowthat’s because of you. That day when I walked into Reed’s and saw you, I couldn’t believe it. It took everything in me not to react and fling myself at you. You were real. That night wasn’t a dream. Then reality set in, and I was scared. I was so damn scared because I didn’twantto feel that way. I didn’t want to feel the butterflies or feel like my heart was ready to beat out of my chest for someone else. But I did. Ido. I always will because it’s you, Gavin. It has always been you. And I…” I gulp in another breath. “I love you.”
Three long seconds. That’s how long he stares at me without saying anything or moving.
Then he’s doing both at once.
