“What kind of work?”
He leans into me, and even though he’s sitting down, it’s obvious how tall this man is. I have to tip my head back just to look at him. I should move away, should back up, because we are way closer than two strangers should be, but I don’t. I’m too busy trying to figure out why he smells like warm cinnamon, cedar, and something else I can’t seem to name. The scotch, maybe? I don’t know. I’m far too focused on the fact that he’s looking at me like he’s not sure if he trusts me or not.
Satisfied with whatever conclusion he’s come to, he goes back to his own space, and I breathe for what feels like the first time in minutes.
“What brings you here?” He deflects the question, and I allow it, because who cares? It’s not like any of this matters. I could tell him whatever I want, and it wouldn’t mean a damn thing.
I find myself being honest anyway.
“I’m celebrating.” I lift my drink. “Cheers?”
He picks up his Macallan with a grin. “Do I get to know what I’m cheersing to first?”
“My divorce,” I say before clinking my glass to his and taking a drink.
His smile slips…and so does his stare. Right down to the three-carat square-cut diamond sitting on my left hand, the one surrounded by tiny stones. The one that was slipped onto my finger two years ago this summer and that I’ve yet to take off.
I quickly hide the ring, my cheeks heating.
“Okay, so that looked bad,” I say, not meeting his eyes. “I, uh, I?—”
“You don’t need to explain anything to me,” Gavin says softly.
So softly I drag my gaze back to his, looking right into his pity-filled hazel stare. I hate it. I hate it more than the whispers and rumors and knowing Neal won all our friends. I don’t want to be pitied. I want to be understood.
And I have a feeling Gavin will understand.
“I don’t know why I’m still wearing the ring,” I finally say. “I don’t have any feelings toward the man except contempt. I just… I don’t know. It’s mine, you know? I picked it out. It belongs to me. Sure, it once represented something else, but now it’s… It’s just mine, okay?” I push my shoulders back, raising my chin slightly higher.
His lips twitch at the corners. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me, Nessa. Or anyone else, for that matter. How you mourn your relationship is your business and nobody else’s.”
I don’t know what I was expecting him to say, but it wasn’t that. Sure, I’ve received understanding from some people, but not everyone gets it. They don’t know what it’s like to have something you wanted so badly fail so spectacularly, especially on such a hurtful level. They don’t know what it’s like to not be enough for the man you promised your forever to.
“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”
He takes a long drink before saying, “Never been married. Never really cared either way if I was.”
“Why does it sound like there’s anuntiltacked on to the end of that?”
He reaches up, scratching at the scruff lining his jaw. It’s such a simple gesture yet somehow very attractive. “You heard that, huh?” He sighs. “It’s complicated.”
I snort. That’s the same thing Neal said to me when I confronted him with The Video.It’s complicated, Vanessa. You don’t understand a man’s needs. I didn’t know it was recording.Not “I’m sorry.” He was never sorry. He was just mad he got caught.
“I know it sounds like a copout, but it’s not, I swear.” Gavin laughs lightly, bringing me back to the present. “It’s not like I don’t believe in love or anything like that. I’m not jaded. I’m just… I’m kind of already married to my job, and it’s a big damn commitment. It’s also not something I’m ready to give up yet.”
I repress my sigh. “My ex-husband was the same way. Or at least that’s the excuse he used to work late hours so he could screw his secretary.”
It’s the same excuse he used on our wedding day, too. We were supposed to be getting the “first look” photos done, and instead of being present and in the moment, he was busy on his phone. We fought like cats and dogs over it, even delayed the ceremony, and I wasthis closeto calling the whole thing off. In retrospect, I should have. Maybe it would have saved me the heartbreak, especially since I found out afterward it was his secretary he was talking to.
Instead of saying how sorry he is or commenting on this new revelation at all, Gavin holds his glass up again.
“Cheers?”
It’s so out of left field that I can’t help but laugh—loudly. So loudly that I feel several eyes on us, but I don’t care about them.I’m too focused on the smile growing on Gavin’s face by the second, how the wrinkles that bracket his eyes deepen.
“Sorry,” I say after I’ve finally collected myself. “I don’t know what came over me.”
“You have a nice laugh.”
