“Welcome to Washington, Vanessa,” she says into my ear, and it reminds me of the way Gavin looked at me when he uttered those words. “We’ll get you back together in no time.”
Back together, she says. I doubt anyone can fix me at this point. I feel broken beyond repair, like I’ll never be whole again no matter how much glue I use. But I want to be. I want to be my old self again. No,better. I want to feel like I did that night with Gavin. I want to be that person again.
I don’t want to be Vanessa, the girl who got married and separated within six months. I don’t want to be Vanessa, the girl whose heart was broken by the same man…twice. I don’t want to be Vanessa, the girl who couldn’t handle it and ran away.
I don’t want to be Vanessa at all.
I want to be Nessa, want to feel the way I did with Gavin in New York, where I was someone else. Someone better. Someone new.
That’s what I need right now, and I think Seattle is just the place to find it.
CHAPTER 5
LOCKE
“I should have worked out more this summer.”
“Are you shitting me? You’re fucking jacked, bro. If anything, I think you should have laid off the weights a bit. Should have hired you as my personal trainer instead of that guy I paid way too much money for.”
“You just have to start small. One workout a day, then work your way up to two. It’s nothing after that. Plus, it’s a good way to get away from the kids.”
“Preach, man.”
I listen as my teammates Frederic and Poldzkin go back and forth on their workout routines. Some of it’s good, but a lot of it is over the top and completely unnecessary. I would know—I’ve spent a lot more years than they have training for hockey.
Either way, it’s enough to distract me from the nonstop madness that’s been raging in my head since the party at Hutch’s last week. I’ve replayed that day on a loop, like watching a game tape and trying to find my mistake that lets the other team score.
Nessa walking in. Nessa looking at everyone. Nessa looking atmelike she looked at everyone else. Nessa in the hallway, how gorgeous her green eyes were, even though she looked likeshe was about two seconds away from falling asleep standing up. Nessa when Hutch kicked us all to the curb and how she wasstilllooking at me like everyone else—like a stranger.
It was hard then, and it’s still hard now. I want to see her again. Want to talk to her, even if just for a minute. Just to figure out why she’s pretending not to know me. Then I’ll be fine. I’ll begood. I won’t be wondering about this any longer and can focus solely on hockey like I should be already.
“What about you, Whitlocke?”
“Hmm?” I glance up to find Frederic and Poldzkin staring at me expectantly. I run a towel over my face as I pump my legs on the stationary bike. “Sorry, I kind of zoned out. What’s up?”
“We were wondering what your routine looks like. How the hell do you stay in such good shape at your age?”
At your age.I know I’m the oldest player on the team, but do they really have to remind me of it all the time? The media does it enough already. I think the last person to not care about my age was…
I shake away the thought. It washer, and I can’t start thinking about her again. It’s too damn dangerous, especially since her brother just walked in the door.
“Legs. Lots of legs. Light, repetitious weight. I don’t go for heavy. And I only lift three times a week. Maybe four if I’m feeling up for it, but nothing more. I don’t see the point. On the other days, I take walks or ride the bike. Nothing too wild or time-consuming. Keep it simple and save the rest of your energy for on-ice work.”
“He’s right,” Hutch says, picking up two twenty-pound weights and taking an open spot. “Told me that years ago, and I’ve been doing it ever since. Never felt better on and off the ice.”
“No shit?” Frederic says. “Fuck, might have to give that a whirl. Might miss my me-time in the gym though.” He walks to Hutch, clapping him on the back. “You’ll get it soon, Captain.Once that kid of yours comes, you’ll know those extra hours in the gym do wonders for your mood. Let the wife take care of the baby while you take care of the career, you know.”
Hutch catches my eye in a look that says,Is this guy fucking for real?
I lift a single brow back.Afraid so.
My captain looks like he’s about to set his teammates straight when trouble struts through the door.
“You fucking blocked me out there, dude.”
“Why the hell would I block you? No way am I putting my body on the line this early in the year. Have you ever considered you just suck? Not as well as your mom does, but you still suck.”
“You’ve never even met my mother!” Lawson fires back at Keller.
