The Serpents are only gone for four days, but given how much I miss him, it feels like so much longer than that. It’s been like that every time he’s left since we started sharing a bed. A night away seems like a lifetime, and I always end up sleeping on the couch, unable to stand being there without him. My bedstillhasn’t been delivered, but lately…I’m not mad about it. I like being next to Gavin so much that I don’t mind.
I try not to think about that too much.
“Ew. She farted.” Rory wrinkles her nose as she stares down at the baby in her arms. “Someone else take my niece, please. She’s being gross.”
Auden rolls her eyes at her sister as she sets a bowl of chips on the counter next to the stunning charcuterie board. “Stop being dramatic. You fart too.”
“I do no such thing,” Rory argues, handing baby Alana to me. “Your turn.”
I cradle the baby in my arms and grin down at her, tickling the little fat roll on her arm.
“Hi there,” I say to her. “Are you being gross for Auntie Rory?” I swear she smiles. “Yeah? You are, huh?”
“Now be gross for Auntie Vanessa too,” Rory instructs, taking a swig of her white wine.
Auntie Vanessa.
Logically, IknowAlana is my niece, but it still feels so strange to hear it. I’m sure it’s just because Reed and I don’t exactly act like siblings, but it still makes me sad that I don’tfeellike her aunt. I wonder if that’s because I still feel so out of place in this new stage of my life. While I’m liking working at Top Shelf more than I thought I might, it’s not what I envisioned for myself. And yes, I’m getting back into my art, but it still feels like a whole new venture for me.
The only thing that feels comfortable is Gavin. I hate that I feel this way because of Neal. I loathe that someone who did meso dirty has been able to dictate so much of my life and has made me question everything about myself and my worth. He’s not worth the time or energy, but as much as I hate to admit it, he still has a grip on me.
I wish he’d let go. I wish I could snap my fingers and move on easily, put it all behind me, maybe even laugh at the whole situation. But I can’t. It changed me, for better or for worse. It’s part of me now. He’ll be a stain on my heart forever.
I rock Alana back and forth as I refocus on the conversation.
“…like a butthole.”
What the hell did I just hear?
Auden barks out a laugh. “You should see your face right now, Vanessa.”
“I won’t lie, I tuned out there for a minute because I got distracted.” I wiggle the baby. “What exactly did I miss?”
“Just Rory being disgusting and comparing the smell of Lawson’s gear to a butthole.” Auden tosses a chip at her sister.
“He farts a lot!” Rory exclaims. “Did I ever tell you about the time he ripped one while I was waking up?”
The girls laugh.
“To be fair, their gear does smell absolutely atrocious,” Quinn agrees. “But I think seeing them out there on the ice all sweaty is worth it.” She waggles her brows and shimmies her shoulders, the pair of penguin earrings that dangle from her ears swaying back and forth.
“It truly is,” Lilah agrees.
I almost chime in too, complaining about how Gavin’s stuff is stinking up the apartment, but I keep my lips zipped.
“Oh my gosh!” Quinn gasps. “I just had the best idea!”
“Share, share,” Auden chants, getting as worked up as Quinn looks, and yeah, shereallyneeded this night.
“We should set Vanessa here up with one of the guys.”
“Yesssss,” Lilah says, dragging the word out. “We totally should. But who? The only ones still single are?—”
“Locke and Keller,” Rory finishes. “And Keller sucks, so that only leaves Locke.”
“Keller does not suck,” Auden argues. “You’re just saying that because he picks on Lawson, which he only does because your boyfriend is such an easy target. He does it to himself half the time.”
Rory’s lips twitch, and she looks so smitten. “That’s fair.”
