“No,” Havoc answers for me. “I want her in my line of sight the entire time. No one is touching her,” he growls. “I’m not having a repeat of the night she got injured.”
“Havoc,” I say with an edge. “You can’t just put me in a cage to protect me.”
“Wouldn’t that be nice, though? I mean, as a parent, I had always wished it was that easy to make sure she was safe,” my dad says with a sigh.
“Justin, am I being unreasonable here? If she helps judge the fights or at least sits at the table, then she’s out of harm’s way,” Havoc says, as if it’s that easy. “I just… I can still smell her blood sometimes. The way it got trapped in my nose when I saw the entire thing happen. It plagues me. It sits at the back of my mind and just gnaws away me when it’s quiet.”
“It’s not like you could have prevented it!” I cry incredulously. “Stop punishing yourself!”
“You tell my brain that, Tess! Make it go away, and I’ll let you tend bar!” I scoff in disbelief, not sure how to handle this.I throw the towel in my hand down and walk away through the kitchen, out the back door.
I had no idea Havoc was still stuck on that night, one foot held in the trauma of our past. It makes me feel like I’ve failed him. Just like he feels internally as well. We’re both mad we can’t get the other to see it from our perspective. I sigh heavily, walking around in a circle with my hands clasped behind my head.
I hear the back door open and watch as my dad exits the building.
“Baby girl. Cut the guy some slack. He’s trying to protect a human he loves in a bar full of monsters, ok? He’s scared,” he says gently.
“I know,” I reply, my fight gone. “I didn’t understand this was something that’s bugged him for so long. He tells me everything. But he didn’t tell me this. Did I do something wrong? Why did he hide this from me?”
“Because he’s trying to let you live your life, honey. But maybe you need to trust him. This is going to be a busy night, with a ton of bulls and other folks. The air is gonna be amped up. Just let him take care of you if that’s what his instinct is saying. He’s asking you sit out one night. And you’ll still be part of everything.” I look up into his face as I consider what he’s saying. “You trust him?”
“Of fucking course, dad,” I say urgently.
“Then let him watch over you. You’ll get to take the night off and have some fun. Judge some fights it sounds like,” he says gently, pulling me in for a hug. “I gotta go. But talk to Havoc. Keep an open mind.”
“I promise I will.”
I wave as he drives off. When I turn around to go inside, my minotaur is blocking the door.
Chapter Seventeen: Havoc
As I look at my girl, pissed off at me for trying to keep her safe, I can’t help but feel grateful we even get to have this argument. That she’s mine. That she works here, and this magical connection developed between us. Fuck, she’s stunning. I love Tess more than myself and I’d die if something happened to her. Why can’t she see that I’m just trying to do the right thing?
“Why didn’t you tell me this was bugging you so badly?” she asks quietly as I huff, feeling vulnerable.
“I can’t keep you locked up in my apartment forever, red. No matter how badly I want to. I’ve been trying to find a balance between what we both want. But I’ll be very honest about the fight night. I’m terrified of you going. Of some dumbass bull losing control and watching you catch a horn in your body all over again. It’s my worst fear,” I reply in a shaky voice.
She doesn’t say anything. But she does walk forward and wrap me up in her arms. Her touch brings tears to my eyes. Then I kind of fucking lose it. All the fear and anxiety and guilt that’s been building up since that night pours out of them. Say what you want about me being a monster, but I have feelings too. And they’re leaking out all over Tess’s shoulder.
“I’ve got you,” she whispers like the angel she is. “I’ve got you, cookie.”
I cling to her. Feeling her warmth. Her breath on my face. Her soft body beneath mine. Hearing her heart beating as it lulls me into a sense of calm. She’s here with me. None of myintrusive thoughts are real. Tess is in the flesh, very much alive and soothing my pain away. Fuck, this woman is everything to me.
“Please don’t leave me, red. I need you. I didn’t realize how much until I thought I lost you. You make the darkest days worth living because you’re the light at the end of that hallow feeling I had as company for years before I met you. Don’t fucking leave me here alone. I see you dying in my nightmares and it hurts, red. It hurts my heart.”
“Fuck, Havoc!” Tess exclaims, squeezing me tighter. “I’m sorry you’ve been carrying this alone. I won’t tend bar. But I don’t want to judge either,” she says as her finally agreeing to not work floods my system with relief.
“You just want to watch?” I ask her as she shakes her head. I pull back to look at her face, intrigued.
“Hell no! I want to be the MC!!!”
Tess:
Havoc gives me a look like I’m pushing it. “Just hear me out!” I say as he stares down at me, his dark eyes wet. Fuck, it’s actually kind of hot watching a masculine creature built for dominance and aggression losing it like that. He deserves to feel his pain and have an outlet for it. Just like he always holds space for me.
“I’m listening,” he replies with an edge to his tone.
“Build me a stage that overlooks the ring! You can keep me up high above the bulls, but I’ll get to be heavily involved and not stuck doing something boring,” I suggest. Havoc’s face lights up.
