Frixing Harl. Honorable, helpful asshole. Won’t lie to his superiors, won’t turn you in for breaking the rules, but he’ll happily steal your mate right in front of you. I almost like the guy.
Lena bounces over when she’s done, eyes shining. Impulsively, she wraps her arms around my waist. I gave her too much hope with that kiss, but I’ll be fucked three ways by an Alcoran’s tail before I take it back. So I let her hug me without saying a R’Hiza-damned thing. Soak up the sweet circle of her embrace.
Can’t kill her, can’t keep her. Frix. What am I going to do?
“Ready to work, or should we eat first?” she asks. She’s still a little too pale. I shouldn’t have kept her up last night. But I don’t regret that, either.
“Eat,” I decide, scooping her up in my arms and carrying her out of the hatchery. I like that she doesn’t argue. She rests her head on my shoulder and plays with the edge of my sveli.
“What were you and Harl talking about?”
“Nothing important,” I grunt, striding toward the hangar.
“Looked like an intense conversation.” Her expression, carefully neutral like he and I have equal standing, makes me feel churlish, especially when she speaks with my seed still on her breath.
“He wants what he can’t have.”
She shakes her head. “He’s just looking out for me.”
“As usual, you don’t know what you’re talking about when it comes to him.” In the hangar, I carry Lena straight to my bird instead of leaving her in the hangar at the pleasure of Frathikeyes and ears. Harl’s proposal has stoked my jealousy from a tiny spark to what feels like an inferno, and if she’s not within eyesight, I’ll be too distracted to work.
When I set her down in the pilot’s chair, she gives me a disappointed look. “If I’m wrong about Harl, that’s because you aren’t telling me something.”
She wants the truth about him? Fine.
“I asked about using his comm to listen for news of my brother. He agreed to help, but on that condition that he has time alone with you while I use it.”
“Oh, great!” She grips the arms of her seat, leaning forward in excitement. “I knew he’d come through.”
“I said no, obviously.” I hand her a few packets from the ration stores and take some for myself, leaning against the darkened nav panel to eat.
“Are you nuts? It’s not like Oljin’s going to get his back.”
“Maybe I’ll turn Harl in to General Raknu for offering to let me use his,” I say darkly. I rip open a packet of tili wafers, but I find I don’t have an appetite.
“Turning in Harl won’t get you a comm unit. The general would probably rather throw you both out. Harl’s offer is our only option right now.”
“I’m not going to sell you like a pleasure worker. Not for any price.” The tili wafers crumble in my fist before I realize I’m crushing them.
Her smile is wan and exhausted, the effort of her morning shift in the hatchery suddenly evident. “You’re not selling me. I don’t mind helping. It’s really not a big deal. I don’t even watch him, I just sing and stroke the egg to get it ready.”
“I know what you do for him,” I grunt, nausea roiling at the thought of hearing it again. Imagining it in detail. “He told me everything. That’s how I know that even if it is nothing to you,it is everything to him. Singing to the egg is their most intimate act.”
“But I do it on stage every—” She breaks off, eyes going wide at the realization that she’s been performing a sex show for these frixing bastards. “Oh. I’ve never thought of it like that. Ugh. I’m not mad, but he really should’ve told me.”
I nod. Finally, she’s starting to understand. “Harl should’ve told you. Rose should’ve told you. Oljin should’ve told you.They are not your friends.”
“They are, though. They’re not always perfect friends, but they’re my friends.Peoplearen’t perfect,” Lena says sadly. “They are who they are. They love who they love. And they make mistakes, too. I know I have. But I would rather make the mistake of trusting than not trusting. I’d rather get fooled than punish someone who’s honest. And I’d rather have friends with flaws and a slightly beat-up heart than no friends at all because I kept it perfectly safe.”
Why is she looking at me with that expression? I shouldn’t ask because I already know. She trusts me even though she believes I’m not trustworthy. But when will I be in her eyes? She knows what’s at stake. She knows how much power is in play. When will she believe that none of that matters to me anymore?
“I decided I’m not going to kill you,” I blurt out.
Lena tilts her head, her lips curving up. “For some reason, I felt better about it before you said it like that.”
“I mean it. I can’t do it. You’ve made me a liar and a worse villain than I could have imagined,” I say bitterly, soaking up the sight of her. My mate, beautiful and uncontained as starlight. I envy her brightness, want to smother it with my cloak so no one else can see it.
But Ican’t. Destroying her would destroy me, too. Crush me into crumbs like the tili wafer in my fist. “No one’s ever doneanything this cruel to me, not even my father at his worst. That’s how I know you’re my punishment.”
