“It was just the bond. I still love Grace.”
Stella scoffed. “What? Are you worried I will tell her? Your secret is safe with me, but I’m not sure that she cares.”
Teddy scowled at her. “Of course she would care.”
“I know breakups are hard, but I didn’t think you were the type to stay in denial.”
Teddy clenched his hands into fists. “I’ll show Grace I can change. I can be better.”
Stella scoffed. “You can’t always be better.”
“Ican.”
She shook her head and blew out a breath. “I pity you that you think that.”
Every time they found common ground, it was as if she was resolute to take them right back to where they’d started. Teddy could take all of her irritable jabs and all her naive sunshine hopefulness, but he would absolutely not take pity from Stella McKay.
“You don’t understand. You are beloved. You are the treasured daughter of the fairy-tale lovers of Olney. I am the son of a rumored bastard. I come from an untraditional family system. And for the past five years, the Sons of Endros have been mercilessly making our liveshell. There is no room for error.” He shook his head and scrubbed a hand down his face. “There’s no room to even breathe. All for a job I don’t feel equipped for or capable of. How could I possibly when I’m constantly reminded of the ways I’m falling short?
“The problem with keeping a kingdom full of people happy is that everyone wants something different. There are those who aren’t happy without their status. They aren’t satisfied unless there are people beneath them. They only thrive in oppression. But we don’t want that. My father was hoping the monarchy of Argaria would have less power now, but every time we have tried to cede some, the Sons of Endros have made havoc. There is never a moment where I can be seen as weak or even human. You think I’m cold? Set apart from everyone else? I have no choice, Stella. I have to be.” He shook his head. “Being out in that bar the other night was the first time I’ve been out in six months and the first time I’ve been drunk in years—the first time ever in public. A king must be above reproach.”
Stella stared at him.
“I can’t be too cruel, or too soft, too quick to anger, or too patient. I am always perilously perched on a cliff, blindfolded and told to walk the edge without falling. I’m always one false move from slipping and ruining everything for my family.”
“But the twins and Alexandra are not nearly as?—”
“They are not the heir to the throne.”
She licked her lips and smiled sadly, her face so full of pity he had to look away. “They will always find something,” she said softly.
“I know that,” he snapped.
She held up her hands. “No. I mean they will always find something. It’s not possible for you to be so impeccable that no one will take issue because, to your point, everyone wants something different in a king.”
A lump formed in Teddy’s throat. That was the sentiment he’d been fighting against for years. He had to be enough. He had to prove to his father that he could do it, that the immense sacrifices Xander had made would be worth it. That the kingdom wouldn’t slide intoanarchy at the hands of men who wanted to set their culture back hundreds of years, just so they could feel powerful.
His mother, Jessamin, had worked so hard to ensure that the practice of men trading off their daughters into marriage contracts was largely a thing of the past. Women had autonomy now, and they’d used it to choose partners for love, to build careers for themselves to help elevate many of them from poverty. It was her life’s work.
That was part of the reason the Sons of Endros were so frustrated to begin with. Men of Argaria and Olney had lost their power over women and, rather than modify their behavior to attract women, they wanted to strip women of the autonomy they’d gained so that they could go back to feeling valuable for merely existing. He could hear his mother saying those words after council meetings. She’d come to Argaria and married his father to make a difference in their world and these patriarchal lunatics were threatening her life’s work so they could feel in control.
Stella stepped closer, clearly reading his frustration and stress through the bond. She squeezed his hand.
He was so disoriented. So off-kilter with this new knowledge of her. The softness of her skin, the springtime scent of her so strong and heady at the crook of her neck that he wanted to bury his face there for days.
Teddy looked away, trying to master himself. Twenty-four years of self-control had been completely wrecked by one heart bond.
“This changes nothing,” Teddy said, more to himself than her. “I still want to win Grace back.”
“Why?” Stella looked almost angry.
“Why what?”
“Why win her back? Why be with someone you have to win over in the first place?”
“Because I love her. Because she’s right. I’ve been too controlling, too—” He searched for the right word. “Rigid. I’ve been too stuck in my ways, and I haven’t been a good partner to her. I can change.”
Stella placed a hand softly on his shoulder. Her green eyes met his. “Yes, but Teddy, should you have to?”
