And my moment of realization?
I’m not sure I’m in this for a romp in the hay.
Sure, that may have been where things initiated. Any man that looks at Charlie and doesn’t think about sex is absolutely insane, and I know things between us would be so hot.
But I can’t really process this other feeling I’m having. This feeling that rushing things along would be a mistake. That spending time with her might be more than a casual fling. That it could be something special and meaningful.
And that’s why I’m in a predicament. I literally have no idea what I’m doing.
Sure, my confidence and charm come out full force. It’s natural. But earlier, when we were talking about what made me get into soccer? I felt like I could reallytalkto her. Tell her the nerves I’ve been feeling with the recruiting season coming up for MLS teams. Or my fears about leaving Rachel behind when I move away to play professionally.
Because it will happen. I hope. I try to be as confident as possible, mainly because big egos are what makes professional sports fun to watch. You don’t become a Beckham or a Messi or a Ronaldo without some serious fucking certainty that you rock on the field.
I sigh and watch her pay for her book at the register, finally following behind her after standing like an idiot in the clearance section and just watching her from a distance.
She turns once she’s finished and flashes me that absolutely gorgeous smile of hers. I know she feels self-conscious about how she looks right now, but I think she’s way more beautiful without all of that stuff on her face. It makes her seem softer somehow.
I may have no idea what I’m doing, but she doesn’t seem to be too upset about it. So I smile back at her, take her hand in mine, and lead us out of the store.
“So, tell me about what it was like growing up with RJ,” she says, as we wander aimlessly through the throngs of people that populate the Venice Boardwalk every day. “I mean, I’m really enjoying living with her, but she seems like kind of a closed book.”
I nod. “Yeah, she’s always been like that. I love that girl so much, but it’s hard to open up to people when you’ve spent your entire life living in the embarrassing shadow of our dad.”
She looks to me with a crease in her brow. “What’s the deal with him? RJ hasn’t mentioned him at all. When we were getting to know each other she would only refer to you as her family.”
I give a pained smile at that.
“Yeah, he’s pretty much a raging alcoholic. The kind of dad that scares other families. It’s hard to be a kid and want to play with your friends, and then find out they’re not allowed to come to your house. RJ had a handful of friends when she was younger, but she pushed a bunch of them away. I’ve never really understood why, but everyone responds differently to pain, I guess.”
Charlie gives me a sweet smile. “I’m sure having you around helped. I’ve heard her extol the virtues of her amazing brother.
I let out a laugh at that. “I don’t know about amazing. I mean, I try to be a good brother but I’m never sure if I’m getting it right. In some ways, I act a bit more like her dad than her brother, which she doesn’t appreciate.”
Charlie giggles. “I’m sure she loves having you around.”
“I hope so. I get lunch with her almost every week, I even used to do it when she was still in high school, but it was a monthly thing. It petered out her senior year because she got so busy, but we picked it back up as soon as she moved in mid-summer to do that early arrivals course.”
I pause as we take a seat on a bench.
“So, while we enjoy spending time together, we are both basically waiting to see what happens next.”
“What will that be like when you get… what is it? Drafted?”
“The SuperDraft, yeah,” I supply, referring to the name of the period of time in January when the MLS teams will start picking their players. I rub my hand against the back of my neck. I guess that thing about wanting to share with her how I feel is coming to the forefront. Part of me wants to brush it off, but…
“I mean, I’ll get drafted, no doubt,” I say, pushing forward that confidence. “The good thing is that I’ll have a full-time job, with a full-time salary. So I can visit her and she can visit me, no problems.”
Charlie nods. “Well, that’s good. But I mean, it’ll be the first time you live more than a few hours from each other, right? Like, it’s not like you can just hop in a car and go see her for a day if you live in Maine.”
“Okay, first of all, there are no teams in Maine. And I don’t know if I could live somewhere that cold,” I say with a laugh. “But you’re right, it would be very different.” Taking a breath, I decide to launch into it. “The reality is that the chances are around 5% that I’ll end up in LA.”
“That’s… pretty specific.”
“Yeah, my coach and I have run the numbers on this, a few times. There’s 23 teams in the league, and the order of pick is based on who was the worst the year before. Coach is pretty certain that I’ll go in the end of the first round or the beginning of the second, which would mean I would be tapped by either a top ranked team or a shitty team. The teams in LA are one of each.”
I run my hands through my hair in mild frustration. “The problem, though, is that teams also pick based on positions they need filled. And both LA teams have a pretty full load when it comes to the position I play. So, the higher ups will probably find it more important to go after players in positions they need to fill first to make sure they get higher quality.”
“Wow,” she says. “I never watch sports, but I’m really impressed that you’d do all the research on all of that. Like, that’s amazing. Doesn’t that help with some of the nerves?”
