I stick my feet out on the coffee table and sink further into the couch, hoping she’ll let it go.
“But come on!” she says, raising her arms above her head like a child who doesn’t understand why they cant have their Christmas presentright now, just because she wants it, even though it’s April. “You guys would be socutetogether.”
I laugh. “Well… while that may be true, I think your brother is going through something and needs to focus on himself. And I have…” I gesture out at nothing, “… my own stuff going on.”
“Oh really? Your own stuff?”
I nod, tucking myself into the corner of the couch and resting my head against the arm.
“Wasn’t it not so long ago that a certain someone was pushingmeto step outside of my comfort zone and pursue a relationship? Hmmmm?”
I smile at her. RJ has turned into a hopeless romantic ever since things got sorted out with her man. They do adorable things like cook together and set the kitchen table to have living room dates. And now I’m seeing that lightheartedness that can only come from feeling content pouring from her.
“RJ, I love you, and I will happily let you wax poetic about something romantic happening between myself and your oh-so-sexy brother,” – she makes a slight gagging noise – “but we just aren’t there, okay? I have to focus on the last few weeks of college, as doyou.”She narrows her eyes and huffs. “And Jeremy? He has to, like, learn to be an adult or something.”
RJ laughs, a fully belly laugh much larger than she is erupting out of her tiny frame.
“Learn to be an adult? Are you kidding me?” She laughs again. “Jeremy isalwaysthe adult, even when he’s being a stupidface.”
I wince inwardly. RJ still doesn’t know about Jeremy’s DUI. She doesn’t know that he’s battling with himself about his responsibility to her, about the fault that he believes lies with him over the abuse she experienced growing up.
He’s keeping it all bottled up, which any good self-help book will tell you is the worst way to deal with something. It’s like he thinks if he shares how he’s struggling with RJ, something bad will happen. Maybe he just doesn’t want to burden her with anything else after everything she dealt with. I don’t know, but I want to try and help him work through it.
It’s a dangerous little thing we are doing, and subconsciously – maybe even consciously – I know that my involvement with him now, while I say it’s platonic, is anything but.
