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"I don't reveal my sources. Anyway, it doesn't--"
"I don't care whether you reveal them or not, " she interrupted. "I want to know. There are facts in here that no one but my ex-husband and I know about."
"Look, Ms. Brown," he started, his voice now calmer and much more friendly, "You know I can't reveal my sources. And anyway, as I was about to explain, I already got the word from Tony."
"What word?"
"He called me in the middle of the damn night to tell me to shred the report, that he wasn't going to use it. So your follow up call isn't necessary. The data is history now."
Morgan sat stunned, unable to speak. Her limbs shook and her throat went dry. Finally, she managed, "He what?"
"I thought you knew. He said to shred the documents. It's all gone. Nothing will ever be reported about you. And you know damn well that as an investigator I can't reveal any information unless my clients want me to. So you're safe, Ms. Brown. Tony took care of that."
"I see. Thank you," she said quickly and hung up, not knowing what to make of that conversation.
She sat back in her chair and chewed her lower lip, her gaze repeatedly falling to the fax.
Tony had enough information on her and her past in that fax to write an entire book about her. Why wouldn't he use it? She didn't understand. Trying hard to recall their conversation last night, she seemed to remember he'd said he'd asked the investigator to dig into her background before he knew her, before he--
Something. But she'd cut him off and he never did finish his sentence. Before he what? Before he fell in love with her?
Ridiculous. Tony didn't love her, he couldn't. He wouldn't. He'd made it perfectly clear he wasn't interested in becoming emotionally involved with her. The idea that he'd somehow fallen in love with her was ludicrous.
As ludicrous as her falling in love with him had been? Oh God. She'd also said that love would never enter the picture, and look what had happened to her.
Did Tony love her? Correction. Had he loved her? Had he sacrificed a juicy story about her because of his feelings for her?
Her chest constricted and she fought for breath, realizing that she'd just made a huge mistake. A mistake that had cost her the man she loved.
He'd asked her to trust him, and she'd refused. He'd told her he wouldn't hurt her, and she didn't believe him. He'd done nothing to make her think he'd use that information, but her mind had been so poisoned by David that she'd refused to believe that a man could actually love her, that someone would really be honest with her.
Now what should she do? Try to find him and ask him to come back? Tell him how much she loved him and she didn't mean the things she'd said. Despite her attempts at ignoring him completely, she'd heard the pain in his voice when she refused to listen to his explanations, she knew how much she'd hurt him.
What good would it do to get in touch with him? He was a traveler, and she was destined to spend the rest of her life on this island. They had two differing lifestyles and she wouldn't ask him to give his up for her, nor would she even consider giving up this place she loved.
What a mess she'd made of things. She'd love to pass the blame to David for this, but she couldn't. This was entirely her doing. Her inability to believe in Tony had taken away her last chance at love and happiness.
For the first time in over three years, she let the tears flow freely, no longer caring to hold them back.
Chapter Fourteen
There was no point sitting in a dark house and pouting. Morgan stood and paced her bedroom, unable to even settle in and sleep, despite the fact she hadn't slept in over twenty-four hours.
She missed Tony, missed his warmth, his laughter, the way he teased her, the gentle way he'd brought her back to life again. With an unearthly amount of patience he'd allowed her to explore her sexuality, giving her the freedom to set the pace and the rules, until she'd come back fully, able to explore all the sexual positions and acts she'd enjoyed before David had taken those freedoms away.
Would she ever recover? Would she ever forgive herself for letting someone like him go? Would she ever find another man like him?
She already knew the answer to all those questions--no, no and definitely no.
With a resigned sigh she threw on her robe and stepped onto the veranda, hoping the fragrant night air would calm her as it always had before.
No such luck. Pain still coursed through her. Pain of loss, of regret, of knowing she'd let the man of her dreams slip through her fingertips as if he had never mattered to her.
Maybe a swim and a soak in the hot tub would help alleviate the tension. She walked to the pool, not even bothering to turn on the lights except for the one inside the pool wall. It was pitch black outside, not even a shining moon to light her way. How appropriate, since her light had left the island yesterday.
Shedding her robe she stepped down, the warm water lapping at her legs, then kicked off with her feet and sliced through the water, stopping in the middle of the pool to float on her back.
She stared into the utter blackness above her, feeling as void of light as the sky overhead.
"Morgan."
At the sound of a voice nearby, Morgan screamed in fright and righted herself, trying to make out the shape in the distance.
"Who...who's there?" she stammered, her heart pounding with an adrenalin rush of fear.
"I remember watching you the first time you swam in this pool. I was so mesmerized by your beauty I couldn't breathe."
Was her mind playing tricks on her? She squinted, unable to see anything except a dark form at the end of the pool.
"Are you going to throw me out, or let me talk to you?"
Her heart soared along with hope as she asked, "Tony?"
He swam toward her until his face was silhouetted by the faint light of the pool.
"Are you really here?" she asked.
"I never left the island."
"Why?"
"I couldn't."
"Why not?" She couldn't believe he was actually here, talking to her. She wanted to reach out for him, but was afraid any movement would send him vanishing into the dark night.
"Because I didn't get to explain, and it's important to me that you understand what I did, and what I didn't do."
"I have something to tell you, too," she said, swimming over toward him until their faces practically touched. She felt the warm swell of water over her belly as he treaded the water in front of her. "Follow me."
She couldn't blame him for the look of uncertainty on his face as he tentatively followed her to the shallow end, then stood in front of her. After all, she had thrown him out. Now it was up to her to make the first move, to let him know how she felt.
What if he hadn't come back to declare his love? What if he just wanted to satisfy his ego so that he could leave with a free conscience?
Oh, why did she continue to doubt? When would she stop hesitating and take a chance?
She knew when. Right now. She leapt into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms circling his neck. Shock widened his eyes, but he twined his arms around her.
"I don't know why you came back, and I don't care. First, I want you to know something."
"Okay," he answered, his breath a warm, sweet caress against her cheek.
"I made a mistake in not trusting you, in not believing you. I should have, and I'm sorry. I'd like to blame David for making me wary, but really it was me. I couldn't believe you could care about me, that you wouldn't hurt me like David had. Tony, I'm--"
He silenced her with his finger to her lips. "I couldn't leave things between us like that. Not without you understanding why I did what I did, and what I didn't do."
His mouth hovered inches from hers. With every fiber of her being she wanted to press her lips against his, to reveal all that was in her heart. But she also sensed that he needed to speak first. "Go ahead."
"The thought of leaving the island nearly killed me. I knew as soon as I got to the air
port I couldn't leave you. I can't sleep without you, I can't write without you, and I no longer want to live my life without you."
Her ears buzzed and she felt dizzy as his words penetrated.
"I love you, Morgan. So much so that the thought of ever leaving you makes me ill. I swore it wouldn't happen, but it did. And now that it did, I'll do whatever it takes to earn your trust."
She couldn't believe what she heard. "You already have earned my trust, Tony, only I was too stupid yesterday to realize it. I know you'd never hurt me. I'm one hundred percent convinced of it."
Then he did what she'd hoped he'd do. He leaned forward and kissed her, hard and with a passion she'd only dreamed existed. She tasted love on his lips, and it blended with her love for him. "I love you, Tony. With all my heart, and all my being, I love you."
He crushed her against him and buried his head in her neck, holding her that way for minutes while neither of them spoke. When he pulled back, his eyes so full of warmth and love she could barely catch her breath, she whispered, "But what about your career? You travel for a living."
He smiled. "Travel isn't as appealing anymore. Not if I have you to be with. I can write from here. Maybe even write that book my agent's been after me to write for years."
"Are you sure? Its okay if you travel on assignment. I don't want you to give up your career for me."
He reached up and caressed her cheek with his hand. "I'm not giving up anything. I'm moving in a new direction, something I've been avoiding for years. I blew off that book for a long time, thinking it would stick me in one place too long. But now, the idea of settling down has an appeal it never had before."
A blush warmed her cheeks, her heart leaping with joy at his words. "I think you could write a fabulous book."
With a grin, he said, "You know, I never thought I wanted to write a book. But my agent tells me I have talent and a lot of experiences to write about. I guess I just never thought of myself that way, but I can see the merits in giving it a try. Besides, I can still write no matter where I live. And the idea of being an island bum is suddenly very tempting."
She laughed and kissed him. "I see. A resort junkie, huh?"
He nodded. "Oh yeah. As long as I can realize my fantasies with the woman I love."
She watched his eyes darken with desire, knowing they reflected the need in hers. "You have all the control over your fantasies. Tell me what you want and your wish is granted."
He shook his head. "No, baby, you're the one with all the control here. My heart is in your hands."
