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He turned to her and gave her a grin.
"Isn't it great?"
She nodded, then turned to watch the ceremony with him.
When it was over, they all decided to leave the village and head to a party Lisa had told them about. Tia wasn't going, so Rory was staying to hang out with her.
The party was at this beautiful home owned by a friend of Lisa's. It was a two story set high on a hill, with amazing views of the mountains.
The inside was incredibly spacious with tall windows everywhere you turned. The place was filled with skiers and snowboarders and bobsledders and skaters and just about every athlete imaginable.
"Come on," Will said, following Lisa and Blake to the expansive kitchen, where a bar had been set up. "What would you like to drink?"
She really wanted a drink. "Vodka with soda."
Someone was bartending, so he got her drink and a whiskey for himself. They made their way around the house, finding a bench seat near a set of windows. For a while they watched the goings-on. Loud music, people dancing and just cutting loose.
"I think everyone feels the same as I do," Amber said to Will.
"What? That it's finally over and we can all relax?"
She laughed. "Yes."
He nodded. "There's so much pressure all through the games. It's nice to just cut loose and let it go. Win or lose, it's over now."
"Exactly. Last time I stayed until the end, but I was happy to rest in my room and relax. There was no more pressure."
"Yeah but you stayed in your room. Isn't this better?"
She leaned into him and wrapped her hand around his arm. "Much."
"When do you leave?" he asked.
"Tomorrow afternoon. You?"
"I have a six a.m. flight."
"Wow, that's early."
"I know. I have to get back to work with my team."
"Oh, right."
She thought about that, about what it meant for the two of them. She half turned to face him.
"So now what happens?" she asked.
"You mean for us?"
She nodded.
"You know how I feel, Amber. That hasn't changed. I go back to my regular schedule, which means half the season of home games, the other half on the road. What about you?"
"The whole ice skating team will go on tour. There will be interviews after the games are finished. I'll be busy for several months, no doubt. And then there's that dancing thing my mother set up for me."
"Which is very cool."
"Thank you. I'm not sure how I feel about it."
"So you haven't accepted it yet?"
She shook her head. "On the one hand, it's a great opportunity. On the other . . ."
He studied her for a few seconds. "You're not sure it's the next step for you?"
She nodded.
"Only you can decide that for yourself. But if you want to talk about it, you know I'm always up for that."
Of course he would be. "Thank you."
"And no matter what, we'll carve out time to see each other. Plus, there's a New York hockey team that we play against."
"Drew's team."
"Right. So whenever I'm in New York I can see you. And if you're going on tour, that means we can work out a schedule for when we're either nearby or in the same cities."
As he talked about it, she realized it was a disaster in the making, and a lot like what Will had gone through with his last girlfriend.
She knew how that one had ended. She also knew he had a schedule that couldn't be altered. And she had no idea what hers was going to look like, but she'd gone on tour after the last international games, and it was months and months on the road with no break.
How would they ever have a relationship when they never saw each other?
She refused to be another woman who broke his heart, because she couldn't give him what he needed.
She knew now she was in love with him. She hadn't told him, because she hadn't been sure she knew what love was.
Now she did know. Love meant letting someone go before you hurt them.
She wasn't going to hurt him, wasn't going to drag out this relationship for months, only to have it end with both of them hating each other, or blaming the other for the lack of time together. She loved him too much for that.
Which meant she had to break it off now. Just the thought of it made her chest ache.
But every minute she thought about what life would be like for them--what their relationship would be like--reminded her of his last relationship. She knew how much that had hurt him.
She couldn't do that to him again.
She looked down at her hands. "So I've been thinking."
"About?"
This was so hard. She wasn't good at lying. But she had to, for Will.
She finally lifted her gaze to his. "About us."
He smiled at her, and it was like a punch to her stomach. "Yeah? What about us?"
"You know I've had a wonderful time with you these past few weeks. It's been the most incredible experience of my life, Will."
"Why do I sense a 'but' coming?"
She inhaled, let it out. "But my life and your life don't mesh. We don't live in the same city, your life is going in one direction and mine is going in another. And while we had fun together, I just don't see a future with you."
Oh, God that was so hard to say. Because it wasn't true. The one thing she wanted most was a future with Will. But it could never happen. And she wouldn't pretend that it could. She wouldn't hurt his heart later, when it would be so much more painful.
Because it was painful enough now.
And when she saw the smile on his face disappear, replace
d by hurt and pain, it crushed her.
"Oh. Okay."
That was it? "I'm sorry, Will."
"Hey, don't be. If you don't feel it, you don't feel it."
She wanted to cry. She wanted to crawl into his lap and tell him she loved him, that she was lying, and beg him to forgive her. But she had to stay strong.
"I feel really bad about this."
He stood, and pulled her up with him. "I'm gonna make sure Lisa and Blake get you back to your apartment safely, and I'm gonna take off, okay?"
She reached out for him, but he took a step back.
"Will--"
"I think you're amazing, Amber, and I hope you find everything you're searching for. I want you to be happy."
He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it, then turned and walked away.
She couldn't breathe. She fell back onto the seat and tried to find a way to get through this devastating sense of loss.
That's where Lisa found her. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there. It felt like hours. Days. Because Will was gone and she already missed him.
"There you are." Lisa sat next to her. "Will said he was leaving. What's going on?"
She lifted her gaze to her friend. "I broke up with Will."
Lisa frowned and pulled Amber against her. "Oh, honey, no. Why?"
She explained why to Lisa, and then she burst into tears.
"Oh, Amber."
Lisa told her to stay there. It wasn't like she had a coherent brain cell to move at the moment anyway.
She'd thought this would be easy. She'd been so wrong. When you loved someone, breaking their heart was the worst thing ever. What had she been thinking?
Lisa came back. "Come on, honey."
Lisa helped her stand. They got their coats and headed back to the apartment.
They were halfway there when Amber realized it was just the two of them. "Where's Blake?"
"I told him to stay and hang out with his friends."
Amber stopped. "Lisa, I'm so sorry. Go, have fun. I can make it back on my own."
"Don't be ridiculous. You need a friend right now and that's me. We're going to sit in the apartment, and you'll cry and tell me why you made this dumbass decision."
Amber laughed, then burst into tears.
But Lisa was right. She needed to talk it out with someone. Not that she'd change her mind, because she knew she'd made the right decision.
But why did it have to hurt so much?
