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Even when things weren’t great and she was going through one of her phase
s where she was either mad at me all the time, or she’d skip class and stay home to sleep all day, things were still great.
There were more good times than bad, and that night wasn’t just a good night.
It was a great night.
“What do you want for your birthday?” I asked, needing to stop what we were doing before I embarrassed myself in my pants.
Jackie bit her lip and looked away shyly. Her blonde hair was splayed out all around her. I picked up a lock and rubbed the softness between my fingers.
“Come on,” I tickled her ribs. “Tell me.”
Jackie giggled and the sound shot straight to my aching dick. “I…I want you,” she whispered.
And just like that, whoosh, the air was ripped from my lungs.
Jackie blushed and her green eyes glimmered.
I swallowed hard. “You…you do? When?” I asked, trying not to sound too eager. Meanwhile, my dick was doing cartwheels against my zipper.
Jackie reached under the sleeping bag. I shifted off of her and onto my side to give her room. “Is now okay?” she asked, handing me a condom.
With no thought of a word in the English language that could convey my excitement, I simply nodded and waited for my heart to calm down so I wouldn’t die from a heart attack before I had the chance to lose my virginity.
We undressed and I climbed over her between her spread legs, lifting up to give myself just enough space to attempt to tear open the condom wrapper.
“I don’t really know what to do,” Jackie admitted, giggling nervously.
“We’ll figure it out,” I reassured her, sliding on the condom, wishing that porn videos didn’t skip that part so I’d be better prepared. When it was finally on, I lowered myself onto her.
We were both shaking.
When we finally came together it was a lot of forehead bumping, teeth clanking, and accidental hair pulling. Awkward at best.
It was by far the greatest night of my entire life.
Or so I thought.
Nineteen Years Old
Jackie and I were sitting around with a group of friends on my parents’ back deck while they were out of town.
It had been a bad few weeks. I had to practically pry Jackie out of her house to get her to come hang out with me. And for a while, I was glad I had.
We’d both had a few drinks and Jackie was snuggled on my lap as we listened to our friends tell their small town crazy stories.
When Miller brought up the subject of losing our virginities I couldn’t help but smile at the memory. I squeezed Jackie’s hip.
Her shoulders shook against me when she laughed. Her voice when she spoke came out high-pitched. Shrill. I’d never heard her sound that way before.
“Oh please, everybody lies about losing their virginity. Am I right?” she asked, clinking her beer bottle to Josh’s which remained still in her hand. “I mean, I told Finn he was my first and he actually bought it. Remember that, baby?”
I froze.
Jackie looked up at me, but I wasn’t smiling like she was.
Nobody was.
Jackie didn’t seem to realize that everyone else around us had gone silent.
“Come on. Let’s go,” I said, pushing her off my lap and grabbing her by the hand. “I’m taking you home.”
“Now?” she asked, pushing against me. “I’m not going anywhere. You drag me all the way here and expect me to sit and talk and make nice with these people.” She looked around the table with disgust. “People that I haven’t even liked in years.”
I tugged harder, but she pulled her hand from mine. “And we were just starting to have fun, weren’t we guys?”
Miller and Josh looked to me. The others looked to the ground or each other.
“I mean,” Jackie laughed. “I gave it up to Anthony Steward like six hours before you.” Her laugh died in her mouth and she looked at me. Instead of humor on her face, there was only bitterness. Contempt. Her gaze narrowed. “I told him the same story about him being my first that I told you, but unlike you, he didn’t buy it for one second.”
Jackie cackled. “I mean really, Finn. How stupid can you be?” I wanted to blame her behavior on being drunk but she’d only had two beers.
This wasn’t the alcohol talking.
This was Jackie.
“Enough,” I ground out, grabbing her by the wrist and yanking her toward my truck.
She continued to laugh maniacally even as I picked her up and hoisted her over my shoulder. She laughed throughout most of the drive home too.
It wasn’t until I could hear my own voice again that I realized she’d finally stopped.
When I looked over to the passenger seat she was fast asleep against the window.
I slammed my hand against the steering wheel. Tears pricked at my eyes.
It was the first night I realized Jackie’s little problem was a much, much bigger problem than I’d ever imagined.
It was also the first night I ever questioned my feelings for her.
The first night I felt guilty for doing so.
The rope of our relationship, the one I thought couldn’t ever be cut, began to fray.
It was a turning point, but not just in my life, in all of our lives.
Mine, Josh’s, Miller’s, and Jackie’s.
One we never saw coming.
That night was the beginning of the end.
Chapter Fifteen
Sawyer
Critter’s was a much busier place than I’d expected. Most of the time I was there, I helped Critter behind the bar, taking simple food orders and washing glasses while he topped off the drinks.
“Hey Sawyer, do you want to go do something after work?” Sterling asked, setting down his beer.
Sterling was a regular. I’d seen him almost every day since I’d started. He’d introduced himself the second he sat down as the owner of the feed store and made sure I knew that the meatloaf Monday special was his absolute favorite.
