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“Can you please tell Josh that our love can’t be ignored?” he shouted again, cupping
his hands over his mouth.
When we came to a boutique that read BeBe’s on the hanging wooden sign Josh stopped. “Miller,” she said seriously. “Did you know that our new friend here has met Finn?”
“What?” Miller asked, seeming genuinely surprised.
“Sawyer, why don’t you go on in,” Josh said, holding open the door for me. “I’ll join you in just a second.”
“Sure,” I said, heading into the store. The door closed behind me with a chime of the bells overhead. I tried not to stare but out of the corner of my eye, Josh and Miller were very animated, waving their hands around and bickering back and forth, although I couldn’t hear what exactly they were bickering about.
I walked around and perused the racks of clothes for a few moments. I was the only one in the shop until the bells chimed again and Josh joined me.
“Sorry about that. As I said, bane of my existence,” Josh said, already pulling items from the rack and shoving them into my arms.
“Is he your…” I stopped myself before I could finish the question. “Never mind. That was rude of me.”
“He’s not my anything, but he’s been in my life since we were kids so I can’t get rid of him. He’s like…” she looked to the ceiling while she thought for a moment. “He’s like an extra limb that doesn’t do me any good but doesn’t do me any harm either. Cutting it off would be a whole lot of work for no reason. It’s easier just to keep it there. Uselessly dangling from between my shoulder blades.”
“So, Miller knows Finn too?” I asked curiously.
“Sure does,” Josh said, although she didn’t elaborate further.
A woman with bright red hair and matching lips walked in through the back door wearing a bright yellow halter dress and matching heels.
“Josh! I was about to call you. I put those earrings on order. They should be here Tuesday.”
“Sawyer, this is Bebe,” Josh introduced. Bebe looked me up and down, and although she tried to hide the disapproval on her face, her eyebrow was defiantly twitching, giving away her inner thoughts regarding my clothes without having to say a single word.
“Lovely to meet you, Sawyer. What can I do for you today?”
“What are you looking for Sawyer?” Josh asked.
“I’m looking to…not look like this,” I answered, turning to the mirror to face a girl I’d seen every day of my life but didn’t know.
Bebe rubbed her hands together and bit her lower lip. “This is going to be way too much fun.”
After a few hours, I had a cute but inexpensive pair of second-hand brown leather boots, a couple pairs of cut off shorts like Josh’s, and some simple fitted tank tops. And for the first time in my life, I even owned a few new bras that weren’t beige or looked matronly and some boy-short style underwear in different colors. All the undergarments were new of course.
When we left with packages in hand and my old clothes in the trash bin under the register, I’d only spent a fraction of what I’d earned in tips my first week. We stepped out into the wet heat, the sun had started to set spraying rays of varying shades of oranges and pinks through the sky as it dropped lower and lower. For the first time in my life, I was equipped to handle the summer heat. The feeling of the breeze across my skin was downright glorious.
I felt exposed yet empowered.
After shedding the heavy skin of my past, I was practically skipping down the street feeling as light as I’d ever felt.
“You like the new look, don’t you?” Josh nudged me in the arm.
“More than you could ever imagine,” I sang, spreading my arms out to the side, tipping my face up to the sun and bathing in the sun’s rays that were kissing places it had never kissed before.
“Sunscreen. I recommend lots and lots of sunscreen,” Josh said, grabbing me by the hand and dragging me into the general store.
She introduced me to Lucy behind the counter then I roamed the aisles, picking up some necessities including a few more gallons of water and some food that wouldn’t go bad without being refrigerated since the little fridge in the camper didn’t get all that cold.
“You know, apartments are fairly cheap here. You could probably afford an entire place on your own from what you’re making at Critter’s now. Shit, I have a place of my own. They say the police in big cities don’t get paid well? They should see my lousy check.”
“An apartment? Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
“I don’t know. My mom left me that camper before she died. It isn’t much but I feel, I don’t know, closer to her somehow. I think I’ll stay where I am for now.” We came to the corner where a thick metal pole at least six feet around at the base jutted up into the sky. I craned my neck and followed with my eyes all the way to the top. “Maybe I’ll buy one of those someday.” I pointed to the billboard overhead. It was so high it could be seen from the highway. Which was probably the point. The ad was for park model homes and depicted a happy family of three smiling and waving their new keys in front of a small house with white siding and blue shutters. The edge of the billboard was peeling, revealing another ad underneath for something involving pink tacos.
“I just thought you might want to get away from Finn,” Josh said, “Although I don’t think he’ll be giving you any more problems.” She smirked.
“His truck windows,” I suddenly realized. “That was you?”
“Rule number one. Never admit to your crimes,” Josh said, pointing at me. “ALLEGED crimes,” she amended. “EVER.”
We laughed and as the night took over the sky from day I felt as if I could take on the world. That was until a loud clap of thunder popped the feeling like a knife being tossed into a balloon.
During the drive back to my camper I smiled and tried to engage in everything that Josh said. Meanwhile, my thoughts were on the approaching storm.
The one OVER my head.
And the one IN my head.
Chapter Seventeen
Sawyer
You’re being irrational, Sawyer. It’s just a little storm. You’re an adult. You can deal with this. You’ve dealt with so much more.
I thought once I’d gotten inside I’d feel better, but as the sky darkened and I felt the rumbling of thunder beneath my feet, I found myself rocking back and forth on my bed.
It didn’t matter how many times I assured myself that it was just a little storm. That it couldn’t hurt me.
It made no difference.
I’d run away from a life I hated and stupidly thought that because I’d been so brave in that aspect that a little thunder wouldn’t have the same effect on me it once did.
However, with each clap of thunder or bolt of lightning, I was learning how ridiculous and how wrong I’d been.
I curled myself into a smaller and smaller ball, hoping I would just disappear until the storm passed.
My mom used to come to my room and sing to me during a storm to ease me back to sleep. But that was only after he’d disciplined her for one reason or another. Each roll of thunder was a flying angry fist.
I tried to imagine her words. Her arms around me. To find comfort in her even though she wasn’t there.
It was no use.
Heavy rain pounded against the thin walls of my little refuge. High winds angrily pelted mud and debris against the window, shaking it loose. I found myself counting the seconds under my breath until I was sure the window would eventually break.
I pulled my worn knit blanket over my head, willing away the weather that had my heart beating like an airplane propeller getting ready for takeoff and my breathing reduced to quick shallow
