Her gaze crashes with mine, brimming with raw lust. Without thinking, I grab her face, pulling her mouth back to my cock. She opens like she can’t wait to taste me, taking my entire length into her mouth and down her throat. She gags and makes obscene slurping sounds that vibrate my oversensitive skin.
I’m surprised when Fi comes first, her body quaking on Michaels’s dick. He grunts and I look up, our eyes clashing as Michaels’s face contorts with pleasure. The orgasm that crashes through my body is intense as I watch him fall apart at the same time. One of Micheals’s hands leaves Fi’s hip and connects with mine, squeezing until I think our bones must be grinding to dust. But all I can feel is pleasure scalding me, making me dizzy.
When I come down from the high, my head feels floaty and little spots sparkle before my eyes. My legs give out, and I stumble down the tractor step and sit, not even caring when my bare ass lands on the cold floor.
Fi sinks to the ground in front of me, nestling her body into my lap. Michaels walks unsteadily to the heater, pulls it closer to us, and picks up a couple blankets. He throws them over our naked bodies and sits beside me. He looks at me warily, and Isuspect he’s waiting for me to freak out, but I’m too tired right now. I can hardly think.
When I don’t move, he cuddles into my side under the scratchy material. I stare at our bare legs brushing together.
This is so weird.
I hear a long creaking noise, and I squint into the shadows. The heater casts flickering orange light around the space like we’re in a burning building, but it doesn’t touch the dark corners. Nothing moves.
“Did you hear that?” I ask sleepily.
Michaels shrugs, the movement pushing his body firmly against mine. “It’s an old barn. Probably the wind or a critter.”
“Right,” I agree around a yawn.
Michaels runs his fingers through Fi’s hair. Her cheek is pressed to my chest, and she’s snoring softly. I can’t stop the wave of exhaustion that pulls me under.
I openmy eyes when beams of daylight pierce the darkness, making the space seem dull and gray like I’m looking at the world through a monochrome filter. Last night, everything was bright and colorful—a kaleidoscope of pleasure and acceptance. The nightmares stayed away too. But now, there’s a wicked little voice in the back of my mind whispering that I don’t deserve any of this.
It happens every time I allow myself comfort, but normally, I wake up in my bed alone, my fist, sticky with cum, curled around my flaccid cock. Those emotions are present now, churning nausea in my gut, but I’m not alone. I’m sitting upright against the tractor tire with my arms around Fi on one side and Michaels on the other. Fi’s hair is a tangled mess, and her freckle-dusted cheeks look so soft. I want to keeptouching her.
And him?
I don’t have the mental capacity right now to understand what I feel for Michaels.
Their hands are loosely joined across my lap like they reached for each other in the night. His obvious devotion to her must be connected to my confusing feelings for him, right?
I give my head a shake. Just thinking about it is painful right now. I look between them. Why is it so easy with them? To let go. To feel. To be myself.
It’s too much.
The heater turned off at some point after we fell asleep, and despite the obvious chill permeating the air, our skin-on-skin contact under the blankets provides plenty of warmth.
Too much warmth. Too much comfort.
My stomach dips and saliva fills my mouth.
I jump up, startling Michaels and Fi awake, and scramble around the room, gathering clothing. I don’t even bother to lace up my boots. And I don’t look back.
“Sebastian? Where are you going?” Fi’s voice is quiet, but the hurt in her words booms in my aching head.
More saliva.
I bolt out the door, running across the field.
Fuck.
I double over just as I reach the tree line and retch violently. I turn away from the mess and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. That voice in my head telling me that I’m not good enough is back, and it’s shouting.
Last night wasn’t real, but what Matt did to you was.
You’ll never feel enough happiness to erase it. It’ll always be there, violating your body.
Over and over.
