Brantley shoots to his feet, then drops onto the love seat and places his head in his hands. “Remember when I told you about my friend Aiden?” I nod. “Well, I really thought I was gay at first because I never seemed to like any girls. My dad…I mentioned he was a bigot when it came to being queer.”
His hands are shaking, and I want to go to him, but my heart is still raw after reliving our breakup.
“Well, in high school, after Aiden moved away, I slept around a lot. I couldn’t drink or do drugs because of hockey, but sex was a vice I could easily hide.” He swallows and his cheeks flush. “But one night, I was careless, and my dad came home from work early and caught me fucking one of the senior football players. He went ballistic, called us both the f-word, and then threatened to out the guy to his parents and the coach if he said anything about us.”
“Shit,” Seb breathes. “That’s fucking terrible.”
“Honestly? I’m just glad he didn’t hurt him. He took it all out on me.”
“Did he hit you?”
“No, he’s never laid a hand on me. God forbid he jeopardize my physical health. He wanted to punish me in a way that couldn’t be seen.” B smiles humorlessly, and his eyes tighten at the corners. “So he threatened to send me to one of those conversion camps.”
My hand covers my mouth, stifling my gasp. “Are you serious?”
“I was terrified he would do it. Now, when I look back on it, I don’t understand why I didn’t just leave. I was bigger than him at that point—a hockey player at the top of my game—I should have been able to fight back.” He grits his teeth in frustration. “But I caved. I told him I’d prove I was straight, and he agreed to let me go to Whitmore if I stuck to hockey and academics. He said he’d be watching.”
B looks down at me, his lashes clumping with tears. “That night, I wanted to introduce you to my dad. I thought I could show him that I was in a happy heteronormal relationship, but he flipped out when I told him. He said he knew all about your alcoholic mother and how you were, in his words, ‘a dyke.’” He grimaces like the words are bitter on his tongue, and I give hima sad smile. “I had no idea he even knew about your mom, let alone your orientation. He said my grades were subpar, and he’d been talking to the coach about some missed practices. He said that you were a passing distraction, and if I wanted a career in the NHL, I had to focus and get my head in the game.”
“And you believed him?” Seb’s tone rises in disbelief.
“Yes, because he was right. About Fi being a distraction, anyway. Ihadlet hockey and grades slide that year because, shit, I was so happy with you Fi.” His eyes collide with mine, and his hands run through his hair, yanking on the strands. “You’re right. I was smitten with you from day one, but when we really started hanging out, I was a goner. My feelings for you scared the shit out of me because I didn’t even notice I was slacking until my dad confronted me.”
“Are you saying it was my fault?” I ask, lowering my eyebrows.
“No, of course not,” B says quickly. “But I’ve wanted to play hockey my whole life. It wasn’t just my dad’s dream for me; it was mine since I was a kid. For a long time, hockey was the only time I felt free from everything—my overbearing father, the grief from my mother’s death, this confusion that plagued me about my sexuality—so in the end, I chose hockey.” B reaches out and gently tilts my chin so our gazes are level. “And I’ve regretted that decision ever since. Yeah, I made it for a time, but I was so fucking lonely.” He huffs a sardonic laugh. “Imagine, a hockey star with thousands of admirers, and I still felt all alone. No one saw me for just me. Not like you, Fi. You always really saw me.” He swallows. “And then I got hurt…”
I rise up onto my knees so I can see the scar that runs across his neck. My fingertips brush it softly.
“I should have told you.” His throat vibrates beneath my fingers as he speaks, and his breath puffs across my cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Fi. I never stopped caring about you. Please believe me. Even after you moved on, I never did.”
I sigh, and the hand touching B’s scar falls to my chest, rubbing the spot that always aches when I think about him. It doesn’t hurt as bad anymore.
I glance at Seb, whose blue eyes radiate a hint of pain but also understanding. Then, I turn and crawl into B’s lap, straddling his waist and cupping his cheeks. “Baby,” I start, my voice thick with emotion, “do you think Ievergot over you?”
He gives a shy shrug, lowering his lids until his long dark lashes fan over his cheeks. “You had Anna…”
I smile. “And I’m so grateful I found her because she was very patient with a broken-hearted girl who was still obsessed with her college hookup.”
B’s eyes snap up to mine, widening. “When you put it like that, we sounded so casual.”
“We never labeled anything. And we didn’t have to. Our relationship was unique, B. We never defined it because we never cared what anyone thought—it was the most beautiful thing about us.”
He smiles widely and tugs me to him, our lips colliding, and I enthusiastically return the kiss with a soft moan. I shift my hips as B’s cock hardens against my center, pressing deliciously into my clit. His hands slide up my body, skimming my waist, my breasts, and finally tangling aggressively in my hair.
Seb makes a guttural sound, and we both freeze. I crane my neck so I can see him over my shoulder. He’s moved to the edge of the other love seat, his cheeks flushed. My eyes drop to the erection straining against his sweats. He’s watching us cautiously but also longingly, his hands balled into fists at his sides.
I give him a questioning look. We haven’t talked about what happened after our last tryst, and I certainly don’t want a repeat of that morning. I swallow and move to climb off B’s lap, but Seb shakes his head.
“Don’t,” he says, his voice cracking over the word. “I mean, Ican’t again…not yet.” His Adam’s apple dips with a slow swallow. “But you can.” Seb takes a deep breath and relaxes his hands.
“We don’t—” B starts, worry shining in his eyes, but Seb cuts him off.
“What I mean is. I want you to. Both of you. I mean—” He looks away for a moment. “I’m new to this, okay? I don’t know what I’m doing. Fuck, this is hard.”
Seb looking so flustered is really fucking cute.
“You’re new to group activities?” B says, amused. “Buddy, we’re both aware.”
