I down my drink. “I should probably give him a little space. Will you walk with me?”
Fi smiles and nods. She returns the towel to the bathroom and then moves to the front door, where she grabs her coat and a toque and sits down to lace up her boots. I do the same, bundling myself up.
We step outside, our feet crunching in the snow as we make our way down the steps into the yard. Fi looks at me questioningly, and I nod toward the path leading to the barn.
“I found another trail off this one about halfway through the woods the other day when I came out to…”
I’d come outside to smoke. I snuck out the morning after Fi admitted to fucking Michaels.
“To smoke?”
I glance at her. “Uhm, yeah.”
“We could smell it on you.” Fiona frowns. “I don’t approve, but I understand.”
“I don’t do it often,” I say quickly, and Fi gives me a small smile.
“I know.”
We walk in silence for a few moments, and I turn when we reach the fork in the trail and continue through the dense trees, careful to avoid snow-covered tree roots and patches of ice.
I reach over and catch her hand in mine. My stomach dips at the contact, and she laces our gloved fingers together.
“I want to ask something,” she starts, “and I hope I’m not crossing a line.”
We’ve stopped walking, and I cock my head at her. “Okay.”
“Are you…” She bites her lip and squeezes my hand tighter. “Asexual?”
I choke on a surprised cough.Am I?Despite my lack of sexual experience, I don’t think so, though I’ve read that asexuality is quite the spectrum. I’m horny all the time, but it’s true that my dick doesn’t always work when I’ve tried with other people. But it certainly works around Fi.And Michaels.I shake my head at the last thought.
“Is that a no?” she asks.
My eyes refocus on her, and I’m lost for a minute in her pink cheeks and the adorable dusting of freckles over the bridge or her nose.
She tilts her head to the side. “Earth to Sebastian.”
“Sorry,” I say, smiling. “No, I don’t think I’m asexual. But I might be demisexual. I’ve considered it a lot over the years.” I swallow and look down at the ground. We’re so close that the tips of our boots are touching. “You know I haven’t had sex in a long time, but it’s not for lack of trying.” I flush, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “I just…things don’t often cooperate.”
Fi raises an eyebrow. “I haven’t noticed any issues.”
I bark a laugh. “No, you wouldn’t. You were just one of the first people since before…”I bite my lip. “Sexuality is really hard for me. I never feel…normal. When did you know you were bisexual?”
“I’m actually pansexual.”
“I don’t think I’ve heard that term before.”
“It just means I’m attracted to anyone regardless of gender or gender identity.” She scrunches her nose. “Sorry, that sounded a bit clinical. I didn’t really have a name for what I felt when I was a teen, so it’s kind of new to me too.” Fi tugs me forward, and I follow. “My best friend when I was a kid was trans, and eventually we dated. Micah took a lot of my firsts. Thankfully, his parents were super supportive, and he startedpuberty blockers when we were about ten.” She smiles, a flush creeping up her cheeks, and it makes me smile too.
“You must’ve loved him.”
“I did,” she says simply. “Very much.” We break into a clearing and her breath catches. “This is so beautiful.”
The evergreens stretch out before us, creeping up Mount Baker like snow-laden ivy, and in the distance, the tops of the glaciers glisten white in the gray afternoon light. She leads me to a fallen log and brushes the snow away so we can sit, both of us folding our coats beneath our butts to avoid the moisture from soaking through.
“Even small-town Washington has its bigots,” she says sadly.
I nod because I get it. We’re both from small towns, and despite the liberal core of the Seattle area, there’s a lot of ignorance in the more rural counties.
