Maribel reprimanded herself over and over again, as if she was a student to her governess. A foolish child who had run headfirst into calamity and heeded no wisdom. The signs had always been there, but she had chosen to ignore them. Thomas had always seen her as simply a governess. His transformation from stern aloofness to adoring suitor had been built on lust, not love. She had been only too eager to experience his touch, to stoke the flames burning uncontrollably on the pyre of their desire.
Shame on me for caterwauling all these nights!
A scratching at the door interrupted her self-depreciation, and she opened it to find Mr Whiskers waiting, concern etched upon his furry face.
“My dear four-legged friend, come in. You sensed my distress, my woe at playing the fool. I took this position to prove my worth as a governess. I brought you along so I would not be alone. And now I must go, and you must stay, as I could not bear to break Clara’s heart. Especially now that I know what a heart bursting with sadness feels like.”
As always, he stared back with comprehension and affectionately rubbed his face on her feet. Maribel sat on the floor and pulled him into her arms. The vibration of his purr had always induced a calming effect, and she needed to think clearly. She could not stay. She could not discuss this with Thomas—he would try and convince her to stay and continue as his mistress. Why would he not, after she had made it so easy? Perhaps that’s what had allured him, the satisfaction of having her capitulate. No, she could not stay. She would leave him a note. The words would be written straight from the depths of her heart. She needed to return home and regroup and perhaps seek a position abroad. Soon enough the gossip would follow her, and it would only shame her family. She cringed at the disappointment all five brothers would feel. She was their Mari, sharp-minded, sharp-tongued. Never would she fall into the traps laid by men. But she had. And now only she could mend her future that hung so precariously in the balance. Shifting Mr Whiskers from her lap, she moved to her desk and picked up her quill and paper. A droplet of liquid fell to the parchment and Maribel lifted a hand to her eyes. She had not felt the tears that had welled up and now sought escape. Blinking, she gave the salty sadness free passage to run down her face as she wrote her goodbyes.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Thomas heard a roaring. An enraged bellow echoed through his bedroom. Was a wild beast loose in his manor? No, it was he who was the beast, a wounded beast. Waiting for him on his bed—a bed where Maribel had recently spent all her nights—was a letter. His ride had turned into a hunting trip, and he had been gone for two evenings and was desperate to see her. Marcus had taunted him relentlessly. It was late, so he had gone to her room, which was oddly bare. He asked his staff, who shook their heads, their eyes wide with trepidation. Hope that she was waiting for him in his bed had been his only solace before reading the saddest words he had ever seen written.
Dearest Thomas,
I write to you in deep sorrow, and much as it pains me to share this, with regret.
The employment opportunity as governess to Lady Clara has proven to be a truly enlightening and satisfying experience. I feel in such a short time that Lady Clara has gone from strength to strength, and in large part this was due to her willingness to make changes. And because you also decided to make changes.
My time spent with you these last few weeks has also brought me much joy. You changed from the stern duke I first encountered to a man of tolerance and liberality, and it gives me pride that I managed to teach you something as well.
Alas, our idyllic time must come to an end, as we both knew it would. You have reminded me repeatedly I am simply a governess, and I never forgot you are a duke, except perhaps in those moments when I called you Thomas. We were two fools engaged in play, a play we wrote with each passing day while deliberately ignoring the reality that awaited us at the end. Which is where we now are. In time, I am sure I will remember this interlude fondly, but at this present time, the severity of my actions weighs heavily upon my chest. Our passion is no secret, and secrets spread. I will not allow my family to incur such shame by my remaining here, so please accept my resignation as governess. I have decided to start anew abroad, and with the passing of time, my heart will surely heal.
My only request is for you to continue to give Clara the love and attention she deserves. I have left Mr Whiskers with her, so please be kind to him also. She will be more reliant on him now than ever.
Miss Maribel Lewisham
What in the blazes did this all mean? She had left him? Secrets? Regrets? Moving abroad? How absurd! Did that impertinent chit really believe they had been fools? Questions raced through his mind as he fingered the smudged ink spots. He knew they were her tears, and he felt his own heart split in two.
“Thomas, I heard you roar, and I am hoping I have allowed enough time for you to compose yourself so I may enter.” Marcus’s concerned voice came through the closed door.
Thomas opened it and threw the letter at his friend in defeat. He watched Marcus scan the lines, his brow raising higher with each sentence till they were hidden by his hair. Seeing Marcus was equally surprised at the content of the letter made him feel a tiny bit better. It proved he was not the only one to have missed the signs.
“I am in shock. Something must have occurred while we were gone?” Marcus queried, still evidently puzzled.
“Indeed, but instead of waiting to discuss it with me, she took off like the stubborn chit she has always been,” Thomas raged.
“Perhaps, but this does not mean the end, Thomas, if you calm down and think rationally. Go to her and see how and what can be remedied. You just spent the last two days telling me you had decided to wed her. Surely you are just not going to give up?”
“Wed her? She ran out on me!”
“Think, Thomas, think. It sounds to me like time has caught up with her. The guilt, the shame. She isn’t a seasoned mistress or a three-penny upright! And to be fair, you had not shared your intentions with her. You can be quite maddening, Thomas. If I was a woman, I would surely not put up with you.”
“You think I should make my way to her home? I know where she lives, her family home.” The formulation of a plan started to calm him down and clear his. His friend was right. This does not mean the end. He could make this right.
“I think you should, but firstly, I think you should get a good night’s rest. Then head out first thing in the morning. I will stay and care take things for you and pray I see you both return. You would be fools to let the opportunity of lifelong happiness slip between your fingers out of misunderstanding. And do not forget, arrogance has always been a flaw of yours.”
Thomas waved off the insult, knowing Marcus spoke true. He would get some rest and be ready to travel to Cheltenshire at first light.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Maribel had no regret about grabbling one of Thomas’s carriages. It would return to him after she returned home. That was the least he could provide. It would take her days to return home by foot, and she wanted distance between herself and that damned man as soon as possible. Maribel knew she had not been blameless in the situation, but directing her anger towards him assuaged her own guilt. Her penance was leaving Mr Whiskers behind, which made the pang in her chest ache anew.
“Lady Clara, I need to return home immediately.”
“Why Miss Lewisham? Did something happen to your family?” Clara’s blue eyes widened with alarm.
“No, no, that is not why. I just need to return. It is hard to explain.”
