“We think you should meet with Noah,” Caroline says, sliding a taped-together piece of scrap paper onto the counter.
Now it’s my turn for radio silence. ‘Cause there is not a single chance I’ve heard that correctly. Everything around me feels fuzzy like I’m underwater.
“Olivia, we know that you will always love Noah. He’s always been a huge part of your life and you haven’t been able to get over everything that happened in Oklahoma. Liv, we saved this for you…” Caroline slides the paper closer to me. Mason drops his arm off Savannah’s shoulder sliding around the table as I stare down at the tattered piece of paper in front of me.
The letter. The letter I ripped up nearly ten years ago, all the pieces taped together to form one sheet of paper again. I have the sudden urge to vomit and run away, run away from everyone around me and live under a rock. Caroline walks around the opposite side of the counter, enclosing me into Mason. She gently slides the letter off the counter into my hands as they tremble and my eyes water. I don’t even realize we shuffle across the room from the kitchen island into the living room until we settle into the corner of the couch. I take a throw pillow into my lap to clutch as they take up the seats next to me.
“Where did you get this?” I ask, my words trembling off my lips.
“I know we pressured you to rip it up and write Noah off...but after everything that night, I thought you may want this one day. Reread it, Liv,” She’s only ever called me Liv when she’s sorry or wants to show her support and love for me. “Reread it, think about what you want. If you want this to truly be over or if you want to hear him out and maybe even forgive him. But you should meet with him,” she finishes.
I'm speechless after hearing what Caroline has to say, and I can tell that this wasn’t easy for them because they’re all huddled together around the far corner of the island in solidarity with one another. Mason’s head is bowed and he is looking at the faux granite countertop. He hates hurting people and I know they are worried about my feelings.
Caroline is right. I have, and likely always will have, a place in my heart for Noah. But it’s not fair to either of us to continue on this way. I don’t think I’m mentally prepared to see him, though. Going home is going to be hard enough, having been only six months since my grandmother, my best friend, passed away. And now I'm supposed to go home for the holidays like everything is normal and “catch up” with Noah.
The thought is overwhelming and I’m starting to feel like I'm underwater again. I’m grateful to have friends who care enough about me to do the difficult things, have the difficult conversations with me, and support me through whatever I decide to do.
“Okay,” I whisper finally. “Okay, I will think about it,” I finish, sounding genuine.
I consider texting Noah back immediately before I chicken out and pretend it never happened.
The sparkle that emerges in Mason’s eyes, paired with that big relieved smile, melts my heart. I know what I have to do, but also those cinnamon buns smell too good to sit on the platter staring at me any longer.
“Okay, so, can we eat now?” I ask and before the sentence is finished the silence is replaced by laughter as we head into the kitchen for breakfast.
???
Ollie,
Things have been crazy here at basic, we get up between 0300 and 0500 and have some training all day long. To think it has been eight weeks already is insane. This phase is all about weapons training, convoy operations, and military operations. I can’t believe I graduate in two weeks, but I would be lying to you if I said this has been easy, I am not talking about physically either. I can do all the activities but it gets lonely not being able to communicate with my people. We started with 84 recruits in my class and this week we only have 46 left. I was fortunate to be able to call Mom and Bec the other day for a check-in, especially about Archie. Everything is good and they are so excited to come to Oklahoma for graduation. I wish I was able to have more time to talk to you aside from letters.
I miss you, Ollie. I know we left things at a weird place when I left for training but if this journey has taught me anything, home is with you, Ollie. Thank you for being my support system and my best friend. I have to go we are getting ready for the final event of the day but if you get anything out of this letter, I want you to know,
I'm in love with you, Olivia.
~N
My eyes instantly well up with tears as I finish reading the letter for the third time today. This time, hiding in the comfort of my room, wrapped in my favorite dark green blanket seeking any comfort. This letter was my entire life ten years ago, and now sitting here at my desk, I don’t know how to feel.
I was so certain of every aspect of my life, I was in love with my best friend, I was going to be a kick-ass physical therapist, and I would travel wherever I needed to be to have a family with Noah. Well, at least one of those things came true. I didn’t care about having friends, a support system, or being close to my family. Hell, Noah was my family and all I wanted was to be with him. I didn’t even bother writing him back after this final letter, I was going to surprise him at graduation. Show up at graduation with his family, and tell him that I was in love with him too. That I was excited for our adventure and our life together.
Gosh, how could I have been so naive and stupid? That is not how the world works, and he flipped that plan upside down in just a matter of minutes. I almost let one person completely unravel my life. But if one good thing came out of this, it’s that I achieved my dreams. I'm a kick-ass physical therapist in one of the most beautiful cities in the United States, with the most amazing friends who are my family and will be here at the drop of a hat, if necessary.
You don’t have to forgive and forget, Olivia. It’s okay to forgive and remember the bad. But never forget that we never know the full extent of someone else's actions, what drives them to make their decisions, or what they are going through outside of their life with you and it's not fair to hold that against them.
I remember my grandmother’s words like a punch to the gut and know instantly what I have to do. I pull my phone off my desk charger and text Noah.
Me: I'm driving back on December 22nd, we can plan something then.
Chapter 3
Olivia
Thetwoweeksleadingup to my trip back to Fisher Creek flies by. Between work and getting ready for the holidays I don’t have time to overthink or even really consider meeting up with Noah until I’m in Fisher Creek. I only last a whole twelve hours before I’m itching to get out of the house and escape my mind.
The cold, brisk air hits my face as I brush my hair out of my eyes. I’m walking to start my old car to venture to the only coffee shop within a twenty-mile radius. I feel the subtle vibrations of my phone ringing in my heavy-padded pocket, and as I pull it out I see Mason’s name on the screen.
“Enjoying the cold?” He chuckles as I answer the phone.
