That hope is still there. My heart squeezes.
“Can you afford it without me?”
“I’ll figure something out,” he assures me. “I always do. I can find jobs around Ylvara. We’re planning a few performances to bring in coin, too. Whatever it takes.”
I see in that moment how much he’s willing to do to keep his family together.
Here is something I can do for him to ease his burden. Isn’t that the kind of opportunity I wished for at the palace? Being trapped under Taynia’s thumb, I stopped trying. I forgot the things I once hoped to be able to do as a ruler.
So far, every decision I’ve made has been for my own survival, while Lark gives everything he has to protecting his family. When was the last time I did something unselfishly?
The thought tastes sour, so I push it down. “I can move my things tonight after work.”
Daria waves a hand. “Morning is soon enough, girl. I can’t rent your room before then.”
One more night.
One more night to figure out how to hide who I am in a packed cottage.
With more conviction than I feel, I nod.
Chapter 14
Talvie
The moment I close my room’s door between me and the world, I yank my necklace over my head.
“Lumi, help. What am I doing?”
The little moon rises until she shines above my head, leaving an empty pendant behind. I drop the chain on the bed, where it glints in her soft moonlight.
“From what Lumi hears, you are helping Lark while helping yourself.”
Ouch. I only just realized how self-focused I’ve been, so the kick in the teeth is a bit much.
Have I done anything for someone else without it also serving me? Even back at the palace, when I tried hard to please Taynia, that was for me too. I wanted to get back the relationship we once had. I wanted to feel loved again.
“But living with him,” I say slowly. “With seven orphans. That wasn’t part of the plan.”
“Lumi doubts running from your family or going into hiding was your plan either, yet here we find ourselves.”
“Too many truth bombs, Lumi.” With a groan, I drop onto my narrow bed, burying my face in my hands. “How did this happen?”
“Well, Queen Taynia ordered—”
“Not that,” I grumble. “All of this. This…mess.”
“You are uncomfortable,” Lumi observes, glowing faintly with what feels like smug superiority.
I toss my hands in the air. “Of course I’m uncomfortable!”
“It’s good.”
I glare at her, but she only bobs in the air. Her serenity mocks me.
“How is this good?” I ask, but even as I say it, memories creep in—the kids’ laughter, the warmth of the kitchen, the way Lark reached out and brushed flour from my cheek. My stomach twists at the thought, warmth curling in my chest.
“Change is good,” Lumi informs me. “You were stuck in the palace, never seeing beyond the walls constructed around you. Now, you have room to grow.”
