I smile at Elias and look at him. I take in the last sight of his fair hair, the stubble he has because he didn’t have time to shave before my early morning flight. Why would I even consider sabotaging the chance of a relationship with someone like this? It doesn’t make sense, yet I have never been more scared of taking the next steps in a relationship in my life.
‘Sorry. I just didn’t expect any of this. I came here to celebrate Soraya’s birthday, get some inspiration for my book, maybe get a bit of a tan. I was staying well clear of anyone of the opposite sex, believe me.’
‘If it’s any consolation, the way I feel has taken me by surprise too.’
‘Really? I’m pleased to hear that. But, oh, why does life have to be so weird sometimes?’
‘From where I am standing, nothing seems weird. We’re two single adults who enjoy each other’s company, what’s so strange about that?’
‘You live in Manchester; I live in Swansea. I have a family that takes me for granted and want me at their beck and call… You have sons who still miss their mother. It’s all so complicated.’
I omit the part about how scared I am that Elias could lie to me again or let me down, just like Michael did – the man I thought I knew. I had known Michael since I was in my twenties, and he caused great carnage. I may have only known this man for five minutes, but I don’t think I can bear to be hurt again.
‘The distance doesn’t need to be a problem. I’ve got a car, there’s trains. It needn’t be an obstacle… Unless you want it to be, of course.’
Elias’s tone changes as he says that last bit. He sounds disappointed.
‘No, of course not. Let’s just see how things pan out when I get back. I mean, you might feel differently when you get back to Manchester.’
I have to protect myself at all costs. Imagine if he lands back in the cold and decides this was just a holiday fling.
Elias looks disheartened but appears to accept my decision. He helps me with my bags at the check-in, and we prepare to say goodbye as my flight flashes up on the departure board. He holds me and kisses me, and when we finally let go of each other, we wave until we are both out of view.
I wander around duty-free in a daze as I pick up all the things the girls have asked me to get for them. The thought of seeing them again is the one thing I am looking forward to as my once-in-a-lifetime holiday comes to an end. Looking around for their bits makes me realise how everything I do is for them. Everything I did in my marriage was to keep Michael happy, but nobody ever thought about making me happy. No one ever thinks about what I may want now. I think back to my conversation with Elias at the chateau. What do I really want my future to look like? It is something I think about all the way home.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Arriving home late at night, I dump the duty-free gifts for the girls on top of the kitchen table. There are bowls with dried leftover pasta in the sink. My extra-sensitive nasal passages, an effect I believe is down to perimenopause, make me want to heave. The girls must have popped back while I was away and left their dishes for me to sort out. I love how they feel this is their home, but I am annoyed that they didn’t bother clearing up. That’s the problem when they have their own key and come and go as they please.
Once I have unpacked, I open the lid of the laundry basket to throw everything in, only to find that the girls have already managed to fill it. At least they didn’t throw their dirty washing on the bathroom floor, I suppose. Sometimes you have to be grateful for small mercies.
I sigh as I walk into the living room. I would do anything to be back at that beautiful chateau right now instead of having to deal with the washing and messy kitchen.
After sticking the TV on to take my mind off all the chores that have welcomed me home, I message Elias to say thank you for the wonderful memories, but it doesn’t go through.
One tick is all my phone will give me, and I become paranoid that I have already been blocked. I go to bed with no response from Elias, only messages from Poppy, Jasmine and Michael. Poppy and Jasmine ask how the holiday went and are pleased that they’ll get to see me soon. They are so sweet that I forgive them for the pasta bowls. Then they ask if I could order tickets for a concert for them as they go on sale at nine a.m. tomorrow when they’ll be in lectures. They promise to pay me back. We’ll see about that.
Meanwhile, Michael says he needs to talk to me face-to-face urgently. If it wasn’t for the fact that I know the girls are still alive and seeking favours the second I have touched down, then this would have freaked me out. Since I know they are completely fine, whatever he needs can wait. After what Soraya said in her messages, I know I am not up to dealing with him right now. Before falling asleep, I let the girls know that I’ll make sure I’m online in the morning, check once again in case my message to Elias has finally gone through, and decide to ignore Michael.
Even though we are heading towards summer, the flat feels cold when I wake up. I guess I must have become acclimatised to the balmy French climate. I have to put the heating on, something I was hoping I could avoid at this time of year. I sigh as I remember waking up on the French Riviera with the sun shining through the windows and the warmth of Elias beside me. I switch my phone on, thinking my message will surely have gone through by now, and there will be a happy bleep letting me know that Elias has replied. However, there is nothing from him, and my imagination runs riot. I really thought I could trust him, but now I get that red flag again. After all, we did get off on shaky ground from the start. He could be anyone he wants to be in Manchester. His lottery win could be a lie, for all I know. What if I have chosen to ignore all the red flags that have been in my face all along? Perhaps I should have prepared myself for this instead of trusting my instinct.
Once I have secured the concert tickets for the girls, following a stressful online ticket queue experience that I never want to repeat, I consider googling Elias. I fear the worst, yet still, I can’t get him out of my head.
I open my laptop and type his name in, dreading what I might see. I almost want to close my eyes as it reveals the results. Will it help anything if I read something untoward about him? Maybe I should simply move on with fond memories and put it down to experience. Terrified, I look at the screen with bated breath. Thankfully, there is nothing, except a suggestion that I may have spelt the name wrong. Okay. That’s good. Surely, it’s a positive that he has no social media trail? It does strike me as a bit odd, though, as people who win the lottery are usually pictured in the papers opening a bottle of champagne and holding one of those gigantic cheques with a big smile on their face. Although, he will undoubtedly have opted for anonymity, which I certainly understand. He was still running the business when he won, and I expect he didn’t want all his customers gossiping, either. Even now he’s secretive about his win, so he’s bound not to have allowed his photos all over the media. It still doesn’t change the fact that there is no word from him yet, though.
Desperate for a distraction, I close the search engine page and open up the draft of my book. I should start writing while I still feel inspired by my trip, and concentrating on my book might help me take my thoughts off Elias.
I pour everything out onto the page. The words come thick and fast, and the writer’s block I had the last time I sat in this living room is long gone. I am so engrossed in my work that time escapes me, and it is only when I pick up my phone again that I realise there are now two ticks on my message to Elias, showing it has been safely delivered. He didn’t block me as my imagination feared! I punch the air and hope he picks it up soon. I put the laptop away as now I can’t seem to concentrate on anything other than Elias.
I pace up and down, have a shower and put a load of washing on when, finally, there are three happy pings from my phone. Like buses, Elias’s messages seem to all arrive at the same time.
Lucy, hope you get back safely. Please message me once you get home.I miss you already xxx
I’m just boarding my flight to Manchester. Time to say au revoir toMonaco. See you soon, hopefully xxx
Lucy, I don’t know if you’ve blocked me? My messages don’t seem to begoing through to you? I thought we both had a fabulous time together.Maybe I was wrong? xxx
I look at the last message in disbelief. We both thought the same thing about each other! As if I would ever block him.
