‘Oh, you took all the posters down.’
‘Yes, sorry, love. I’ve had to be absolutely ruthless. Even Garfield’s been sold.’
‘Oh, it’s fine. Don’t worry. I’m sure the new owners won’t want posters of McFly on their walls.’
‘No, probably not.’
‘Anyway, I don’t even know why I made such a big deal about those posters. The walls would have looked better with some nice pictures on.’
‘Wow, you are growing up.’
‘Well, I’m thinking aesthetically. I was telling Dad I might go into interior design when I’ve eventually had enough of doing odd jobs. I’m loving my freedom too much at the moment. I think everyone needs to do what they want with their lives. There shouldn’t be any constraints or expectations on anyone. So, I suppose I need to be happy for you instead of being so worried. I know you love the sun, but you always fancied the houseboat lifestyle, didn’t you?’
‘Yeah, I did, but with a family it’s not so easy. Now it’s my time for an adventure, just like you’ve had with moving to Oz.’
‘I understand. I suppose it’s for the best you’re moving on. You know, Dad’s moved on. He’s met an Australian woman. Her name’s Mary.’
‘Oh. That’s nice for him.’
‘Yeah, she’s from Melbourne. He went to a school reunion and met her there. They were at school together. I hope you’re not hurt I’ve told you, Mam. It’s just that I’d hate to think you weren’t living your best life thinking about Dad.’
‘No, it’s fine. It’s up to Dad, isn’t it? I mean, it’s just one of those things. Mary’s a lucky woman to have such a genuine guy.’
‘You’ll have someone again one day too, Mam.’
‘What if I don’t want anyone? Being alone means I haven’t got to answer to anyone. You know, today I thought I might buy a bright pink sofa for the houseboat. Wouldn’t that be funky? In fact, now I’ve said it out loud, I’m going to order one I’ve seen online and get it sent directly to Amsterdam. Did you know houseboats have their own addresses and get post? It’s weird but I hadn’t thought about those things before.’
‘Great. Well, I guess I have a cool mam. I’m proud of you, really. Wait until I tell Aaron.’
‘Who’s Aaron?’
‘A guy I’ve been seeing. It’s early days but he’s nice.’
‘I’m happy to hear that. You never really related to any of the boys around here, did you?’
‘Nope. I always felt like a fish out of water with them. I always felt more Aussie.’
‘I guess you and your dad have always been so close. It’s not surprising.’
‘Yeah, I definitely have more of the Aussie in me than the Welsh. So, anyway, I’d better go, Mam, because Aaron’s coming over any minute.’
‘Yes, of course. Well, I’m glad you don’t mind about the posters!’
‘Oh no, I don’t mind at all. You know, sometimes we hang onto things when we should have let go of them a long time ago.’
‘Aren’t you wise, Hannah? And so, so, right.’
Listening to how Hannah is so matter-of-fact makes me even stronger. There was a bit of me that felt guilty for selling the old family home and getting rid of generational heirlooms. Every now and then it hits me that this is my final goodbye to my empty nest, where I sat up all night when Hannah was sick, or served meals in the dining room for Paul and Hannah when the wind howled outside our door. This house has kept us snug and protected for over twenty years. Now I feel as though I am being ungrateful for leaving it behind on a whim. But this is a house that needs to be filled. It needs children to run around the bedrooms; it should be full of noise and love and people, and I can no longer fulfil what it calls for.
I realise that the time has come for someone else to be resident here. After all, that is all we are for any home; merely custodians for the time we are there, and my custodianship here has come to an end.
Chapter Eight
Following a tearful farewell dinner with Debbie at our local pub, where our memories of each other flowed all night, and a fond goodbye to my lovely Abergavenny home, I take my one-way journey on the Eurostar to Amsterdam. I could have flown there in an hour but I wanted to relish every moment of my new adventure and watch the landscape go by as it changes from the UK to the Netherlands. Having managed to get all my belongings into one suitcase, I arrive at St Pancras to be told that I have been upgraded. I have never been upgraded for anything in my life, and am in shock as I am directed to the business lounge. Is this an omen for a wonderful new start?
Once on board, I toast my adventure with a complimentary glass of champagne. I sip as I listen to music on my phone and watch the scenery whizz past. It’s mostly just greenery and houses, but still, I enjoy watching the difference as the homes change from typically British two-storeys to a more Dutch style with their sloping gambrel roofs. While watching the scenery, my head is full of questions. Will this be the wonderful adventure I hope it will? Or will I be faced with a leaky roof, floods and my worst nightmare? Doing something like this on a whim still feels surreal. I feel as though I am watching someone else. I start to wonder how I was even brave enough to make this big move, but then I realise that I haven’t really stopped to think about what I am doing. This is probably the longest I have sat still since I made my decision. From the moment I saw the advert, it has been full speed ahead. I haven’t processed any of this properly but now I have a slight fear of the unknown, which I try to quell as we pass the fields of Rotterdam until finally we reach Amsterdam Centraal station, our final stop. It’s too late to back out now.
Having enjoyed three glasses of champagne, my head is slightly woozy as I walk through the station and the reality starts to hit me. I feel like Paddington Bear as I stand in the railway station far away from home and look around for where I need to go next. The fact is, I don’t remember anything of this station from the time I was here before with Nicky. It sinks in that I actually don’t knowAmsterdamhalf as well as I thought I did.
