My mother stood up, smiled at me and then at Barbara and Stanley. “Why don’t I get us all a cup of tea?”
Mom’s suggestion eased the tension I sensed in the room. There was also Ben’s reaction. As soon as my mom headed for the kitchen, he ran to her side. His fluffy white tail was wagging as he followed her. I’m sure he was hoping for a homemade biscuit handout.
I used the moment to glance around the room. My attention immediately settled on the Christmas decorations that Stanley and I had recently added to the space. The holiday items were cheerful and had a magical quality, a quality that included enchantment and hope.
I particularly focused on a treasured Santa figurine. His jolly smile resurrected a Christmas feeling I’d had since childhood. It was one of happiness and joy that seemed somehow absent at other times of the year. As I gave myself a moment and drifted into a holiday mood, I had a wonderful thought about Barbara. In my mind’s eye, she stood tall and straight. The image made me think she could reclaim the strong, beautiful self that raised a son whom I adored.
As I continued to look around the room, my eyes met Barbara’s. “Second Mom,” I said, “please, don’t give up on life.”
Barbara blinked back. “What?”
I continued, using my most earnest voice. “I met your son, Stanley, at a time when I was a complete mess. During thatstressful period, I questioned who I was. When it came to answers, I felt at a loss. Now, I look back at that time and realize how lucky I was to question how I saw myself. Slowly, with guidance and love from my mom and Stanley, I was able to discover so much more of who I truly am.”
Barbara’s gaze dropped to her lap as she took in a deep breath. “I’m glad that you were able to get through that difficult time. And I’m happy that Stanley was there for you.”
“Maybe you’re ready to do what I did,” I said.
Barbara shook her head. “I wish that was true, but it’s probably too late for me.”
I pushed myself out of the sofa’s confines and went over to Stanley’s mom. Once more our eyes connected, but only for an instant. After that brief glimpse, Barbara went back to staring at her clasped hands.
I refused to be put off by her attitude. “I don’t think it’s too late, but I can relate to your feelings. I know how it feels to be isolated, alone and hopeless.”
Barbara shifted in her chair. “That’s hard to believe. You look so together, so happy.”
“That’s because I learned to let others in and accept their support.”
Stanley leaned over and hugged his mom’s shoulders. “Please, Mom, let us be there for you.”
Barbara gave him a furtive look, the kind a frightened animal has when it’s been hurt. It was followed by a breathy inhale. Finally, she turned back to me. “I want something better, that’s all. I’m tired of being someone who doesn’t count for anything.”
Fourteen
THE FOUR OF us sat around the dining room table, drinking tea and nibbling on some home-baked cookies. I promised myself to only eat one. Ben was nearby, snoozing in his doggie bed. The conversation centered around safe topics like the possibility of snow at Christmas. All the while, I distracted myself. I studied the three white ceramic trees in the center of the table. Their battery-operated lights provided a soft glow without being too intrusive. I decided I’d chosen well when ordering them.
Finally, Barbara sat back and began to speak. “I appreciate being here. I feel like I can breathe again after being in a suffocating relationship.” She glanced at my mom. “Grace has been a bright light, trying to help me find my way forward.”
My mom spoke up. “I don’t think I’ve been much help. I’m going through a lot of self-doubt too.”
“Do you know what’s changed to make you feel that way?” I asked. “You seemed so happy with Adam.”
Mom stared at me. “I thought all was fine, but then I had a serious argument with Adam. It made me wonder if I was living in a make-believe world.”
I shook my head. “You’re worried about nothing. The changes you’ve made in how you see yourself are what matters.”
Mom smiled. “You think so? I feel like I’ve become dependent on Adam, like I was dependent in my marriage.”
Stanley cleared his throat. “Grace, may I ask a question?”
“Of course,” Mom said.
“I know you value your relationship with Adam, but if you had to go it alone again, do you think you could be happy?”
Mom paused and crossed her arms. “I’d miss Adam terribly, but I’m capable of living alone. Before Adam moved in, I had lots of things I enjoyed.”
Barbara ran a finger over the rim of her holly and mistletoe patterned teacup. When she spoke, her voice was barely a whisper. “That’s what scares me. I married so young. I don’t know if I can get along on my own.”
Mom reached out to Barbara who sat next to her. “You have skills. You told me you took all those accounting courses. You could get a job or maybe work from home.”
