Mom nodded. “You called a few minutes after I talked to your dad. I wasn’t doing well at the time. I’d just found out that he has a lady friend, and he’s quite fond of her. It was something I found very difficult to accept. Yet it wasn’t fair of me, was it? After all, he was so gracious when I started dating Adam.”
Jack and I remained silent after Mom shared her feelings. A few minutes passed before she continued to confide in us. “I guess Adam felt hurt by my reaction. After a few words, he said he needed to visit a relative. But I think he wants to give me time to sort out my feelings.”
“Do you regret the divorce?” I asked. “Do you want Dad back in your life?”
Mom smiled. “I’ve been asking myself the same questions. In fact, I had to remind myself of how much happier I’ve been on my own and also with Adam.” She hesitated. “So I know I should be counting my blessings. Instead, some part of me is angry, even feeling betrayed.” She looked up at me and then Jack. “I can only conclude that I’m a terrible person.”
“I disagree,” I said, “and I’m kind of an expert when it comes to feelings. I’ve experienced so many of them in the past couple of years. And the one thing I’ve learned is that they don’t make you a good or bad person.”
“Gloria is right, Mom,” Jack said. “So give yourself a break. And from what Mitzi has told me, it’s best not to fight what you’re feeling.”
After we left Mom’s house and started home, both Jack and I agreed Mom was in a better place after talking to us. Her face looked much less stressed when she said goodbye.
Twenty-Two
THINGS ARE LOOKING up in the family. It’s the middle of December, and Mom’s already met with her counselor a couple of times. He’s helped her make peace with her reaction to Dad seeing someone. She understands her feelings are perfectly natural.
I’m proud to say my original advice about the way she felt was spot on. That fact made me realize I could be very helpful if my parents were struggling. It was such a gratifying thought that I even asked myself if I missed my calling? Should I have gone into counseling instead of selling houses? I asked Lolly about that idea, and she said I made the right decision. She’s probably correct.
Mom and Adam are looking much happier with each other. They also caught the Christmas spirit. They decorated their home, both inside and out. The last time Stanley and I drove past their house, there was a huge wreath on the front door, and lots of exterior lighting. Adam did an amazing job outlining the entire front of the house with brilliant white lights.
As for the Bickermans, Stanley’s talked to his parents on several occasions. They seem to be making progress with how to communicate with each other. There’s more understanding on both sides. In fact, I think they’re starting to get to know each other on a much more meaningful level.
Closer to home, my body has been rehearsing for the big day. I’ve had false labor pains that come and go. It’s sparked some necessary talks between Stanley and me. I’ve encouraged Stanley to express his fears more openly. I’ve tried to be a good listener and advisor, especially after researching ideas about how to lessen unfounded worries. As I looked into ways of helping Stanley, it’s helped me deal with my own concerns.
Lolly and Gerald are getting ready for parenthood too. Sometimes, the four of us get together and talk. One night, we had Mitzi and Jack over too. They’ve been through the birthing process, and the ups and downs of caring for a baby. All in all, they were very encouraging.
I’ve noticed that I feel less driven this holiday season. While I was sitting in the nursery on a Thursday afternoon, Stanley came in and asked me if I felt up to tree shopping. The question had me staring back with a blank expression. How could I have forgotten about getting a tree? Shopping for just the right one has always been a very important part of my holiday preparations.
When Stanley saw my surprise, he was quick to point to my belly and how I had other things on my mind. He was right, of course. I’m getting more and more excited about our baby. So isStanley, but I think he knows how happy tree shopping makes me. A half hour later, we were driving to a tree lot. I was wearing my happy face as I thought about being surrounded by fir trees. It’s a heady experience that makes me want to keep inhaling that Christmas tree smell.
Fortunately, the lot had plenty of trees on display. We soon decided on the perfect one for us. Its color was a deep, vibrant green, and it had a fresh fragrance and uniform shape. Its open foliage would be perfect for hanging ornaments. I found myself reaching out for one of its branches and enjoying the feel of its needles.
Later that evening, the tree was standing in our living room, waiting to be decked out in lights, gold tinsel garlands and lots and lots of ornaments. Before we started decorating, I put on my favorite Christmas tunes. Halfway into the first song, Jingle Bells, I was singing along to the music. Stanley joined in, and we found ourselves enjoying a most festive holiday mood.
Things got even cozier when my mom called and told me to look outdoors. I followed her instructions and saw that it was snowing. It was an unexpected treat since I haven’t been checking the weather very much lately. I had to immediately go out on the front porch. The night was cold as I watched flurries of the white stuff swirling in the wind. Stanley was quick to bring me my jacket. After I put it on, Stanley put his arms around me and held me close. For me, it doesn’t get any better than moments like that.
We spent the next two hours decorating the tree. First came the lights, hundreds of them, all adding a dazzling display of cheer. Next, golden tinsel garlands went round and round the branches from top to bottom. White, flocked velvet ball ornaments were new decorations that matched those on the fireplace garland. Dozens of old ornaments added a feeling of treasured memories and sweet remembrances. Barbara,Stanley’s mom, gave us a number of ornaments that Stanley prized from his childhood. They included a beautiful star.
Stanley held on to me as I stood on a stepstool to place it on the top of the tree. Afterwards, when we’d finished and Stanley put away the boxes, we sat on the sofa and admired our handiwork.
“It’s the most beautiful tree in the whole world,” I gushed.
Stanley laughed. “I don’t know about the whole world, but it’s the most beautiful tree I’ve ever seen.”
When I felt baby kick, I put Stanley’s hand on my belly. “We’re going to be a mom and dad soon. Isn’t that the best feeling?”
“The best,” Stanley said.
When we went to bed that night, I felt like I was glowing as bright as the hundreds of Christmas lights.
Twenty-Three
IT’S FRIDAY NIGHT, the night the family gets together for a holiday movie. Stanley and I are hosting. It should be much more peaceful than it was when the Bickermans were attending. However, a couple of days ago, my Dad asked if he could bring along a friend. I didn’t want to think about it at the time and told him it was okay.
However, my feelings flared up while I was helping Stanley prepare for company. Before things got out of hand, I felt it wise to talk over what worried me. I stood at the kitchen table, seasoning some popcorn, and casually glanced up at Stanley. “So what do you think about my father bringing along this so called friend?”
Stanley was checking out the drinks in the refrigerator, but my question got his attention. He shut the refrigerator door and looked back at me.
