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Chapter Twenty
It always took Valentina a few minutes to come back to the real world after a scene wrapped, but as the emotions dug deeper with every scene Smith and Tatiana shot, resurfacing grew more and more difficult, especially now that she'd sent her screenplay off to George and hadn't yet started a new one to pour her emotions into. Although, over the past few days, she hadn't been able to get the Alcatraz forbidden-love story that she and Smith had discussed out of her head, and knew she'd be putting words to paper soon.
Thankfully, she wasn't the only one who needed to take a deep breath and shake off the fictional world, because Smith's chatty sister seemed just as dazed by what she'd seen play out on the set in front of them.
"Oh my God," Lori exclaimed, "I think my heart just broke into a million pieces and then glued itself back together all at the same time."
"It's been like this since the first day of filming," Valentina told her.
Lori turned to her. "Is Tatiana ready to become a massive star? Because she will be after this comes out."
"I hope so. All I want is for her to be happy."
Lori nodded. "I feel the same way about Smith. So many of the things ordinary men take for granted, like picking up a cup of coffee or going out on a first date, are so hard for Smith to do without people freaking out when they realize it's him. But I've never heard him complain about it, even though it's got to totally suck sometimes. Everyone thinks being a star is so glamorous, but that's just a small part of it. Sometimes when I look at Smith's life it just seems like long hours, super hard work, and a horrible loss of privacy."
Valentina couldn't agree more. Some actors were in it for the fame. Others continued giving their best in spite of it. Smith was definitely in the latter camp, as she'd never seen him do one single thing to try to make sure his name appeared in the press. And from the past weeks she'd spent with him, she knew his sister was right - he was doing an amazing job of dealing with an often impossible situation.
Guilt churned inside her at the way she'd made being normal even harder for him. He'd wanted to take her on a date; she'd immediately said no without giving him a chance. He'd wanted her to spend more than just the one night with him after Alcatraz; she'd been too afraid that her sister, and then everyone else on set, would find out. He'd tried to show her a dozen different ways that he cared; she'd tried to pretend a dozen different times that she didn't, when the truth was, she cared more and more with every passing second. Yes, she had her reasons, even knew he understood them to some degree, but it still didn't make the situation any fairer for either of them.
Lori held Valentina's gaze, her expression uncharacteristically serious. "Smith has been the best big brother in the world, and has loved me and my siblings and my mother with everything he has." Her eyes softened. "He doesn't know how to love any other way. None of us Sullivans do."
Lori wasn't accusing her of anything, but Valentina suddenly wanted to beg for forgiveness, wanted to tell Smith's sister that she didn't mean to toy with Smith's heart, that she'd done everything she could to keep him as a friend, despite the attraction - and desperate need - that raged between them like a wildfire.
But before she could blurt out any of that, Lori's arms came around her in a warm hug. "I'm so glad I got to see you again today, Val." She grinned, the mischievous spark back in her pretty eyes, as she said, "Now it's time for me to go harass my big brother."
Valentina met Smith's gaze over Lori's retreating back and the flash of heat - and emotion - that ran through her told her no amount of burying herself in work for the rest of the evening could possibly help her forget what had happened in his office that morning.
Or just how much she wished she could give him everything he so rightfully deserved. But that would mean changing who they both were...and she already knew that neither of them would want to do that to each other.
* * *
Lori and Smith were heading over to his office when she grabbed his arm, grinned widely, and said, "You're Valentina's mystery guy that she can't shake, aren't you?"
Knowing Lori was clearly beside herself with glee at realizing he was Valentina's un-boyfriend, Smith muttered, "This is making your day, isn't it, Naughty?"
"Are you kidding? This has just made my year!" she teased before adding, "Valentina's beautiful, but not at all your usual type."
Lori was right. He usually went for women who looked more like Valentina's younger sister. Small and soft, not tall and lithe.
"There's nothing typecast about Valentina," he told Lori, both drawn and frustrated by that fact. "I've never met anyone like her before."
As they walked into his office, Lori immediately took in the mess on his desk and the floor where the papers and stapler had fallen that morning, along with the fact that the desk was now sitting at a strange angle in the room. It couldn't have been more clear what he and Valentina had been up to.
"First woman you've ever really cared about, and the best you can do is drag her in here to have a quickie on your desk?" Lori shook her head in disgust. "No wonder she's still way up on the fence about you."
Damn it, he hated that he had to agree with his sister's annoying analysis of the situation.
Winning Valentina over was proving to be really, really difficult. Outside of the bedroom, anyway. It was far more tempting than it should rationally be to keep her na**d and panting with him until he could get her to finally agree that they were having more than just a film-fling.
But since sex wasn't the problem, clearly more sex wasn't going to fix it.
He knew Valentina trusted him with her sister...but still, the bigger questions remained: not only how to get her to trust him with her own heart, but also how to make her believe that between the two of them they could figure out a way around the spotlights.
"I like Val," Lori said. "A lot. So much, in fact, that I wouldn't mind hanging with her at family functions for the next forty or fifty years." His sister pinned him with a razor-sharp look. "Which is why I seriously hope you have a better plan than just more of that." She gestured to his desk again with another disappointed shake of her head.
He pulled off the tie his character Graham always wore and scowled at himself in the mirror. He hated that there was so much wisdom in what Lori was saying, in forcing himself to keep his hands off Valentina until he convinced her to actually date him with everything out in the open, rather than the two of them skulking around the set in a clandestine affair.
But as he threw his character's suit jacket over his office chair, he absolutely refused to give up those precious moments when Valentina let down her walls and let herself be open and connected to him. Just as he'd told her that afternoon, he wasn't giving up on finding that still-hidden pathway to her heart.
Lori moved behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Trust me," she said with a commiserating sigh, "if anyone knows how you're feeling, I do. Love sucks, doesn't it?"
"No," he told the little sister for whom he wanted nothing but the best, "love's the good part."
Somehow he'd figure out a way to deal with the rest of it.
* * *
It was dark and stormy in the city by the time Smith left his final meeting. The battery on his phone had died a couple of hours ago and although he figured there had to be a couple dozen messages and emails waiting for him, he headed neither for his office, nor his house, to recharge it.
Instead, he drove the dozen blocks to the rental home Tatiana and Valentina were sharing.
All afternoon, his talk with Lori had grated on him. She was right about him playing things wrong with Valentina. Increasingly, as the days turned into weeks, he'd grown more and more frustrated.
Idiot.
That's what he was for not knowing she would be stronger than any of his attempts to woo her. After all, her strength was one of the things he'd fallen for, right from that day when she'd all but skewered him with the message that he'd better treat Tatiana right, or else.
Each sexual encounter he and Valentina had was hugely physically satisfying, but they weren't getting him much closer to stripping away her other layers. Not when what he wanted for both of them ran so much deeper than just desire.
Sure, any number of women would have fallen at his feet. But he wanted her.
And she was worth however hard he had to work to get her.
As he rang her doorbell, the hard rain splattered his clothes and shoes. He couldn't fight the rush of disappointment when Tatiana opened the door instead of her older sister.
"Great, you got my message," Tatiana said with a wide grin as she stepped aside to let him in. "I'm pretty sure Valentina's about to roll up the script and start hitting me over the head with it."
Looking past Tatiana, he caught the quick flash of pleasure - and desire - in Valentina's eyes at seeing him in her house before she quickly masked it with a polite hello.
"Can I get you anything to drink?" Valentina asked him.
"Sure, water's good."
When she moved past him into the kitchen, it took every ounce of control he had not to pull her against him and breathe her in. She smelled exactly the way she had when he'd taken her on his desk, like lavender shampoo and sex and her own intoxicating scent that had always driven him crazy. He hadn't come here for a friendly drink with two co-workers or to make more progress on the movie with her sister, but Valentina quickly cut off any advance he might have made.
"Thanks for coming to work with Tatiana tonight. I know how much she appreciates it. Especially," she said in a low voice that only he could hear, "when you're filming such a difficult scene tomorrow."
Damn it, he couldn't believe he'd forgotten what was coming tomorrow. The sex scene between Graham and Jo. More than ever, he needed to stay tonight and make sure Valentina understood that he and Tatiana were just going to be actors tomorrow when they had their hands and mouths on each other in front of the cameras.
"Valentina - "
She shoved a bottle of water from the fridge at him and said, "I'm going to turn in early," to cut him off.
But before she could walk away from him yet one more time, he blocked her sister's view with his body and took Valentina's free hand in his. She sucked in her surprised gasp just before it left her lips, her eyes wide and full of the passion she never managed to conceal when she looked up at him.
He stroked his thumb along the inside of her wrist and felt her breath go in a soft whoosh. "Actually," he said loud enough for Tatiana to hear, too, "with Nicola and Marcus crashing at my house tonight instead of heading back to Napa in the storm, would either of you have a problem with me staying here tonight so I can let the two lovebirds have some privacy?"
The flash of fire in Valentina's eyes at how easily he'd trapped her had him grinning, even as Tatiana said, "You're always welcome here, isn't he, Val?"
Her "of course" came from between gritted teeth at the same time as she yanked her hand from his.
"Sweet dreams, Valentina."
* * *
Valentina was nearly surly enough to lock her bedroom door. But she refused to give Smith the satisfaction of hearing her make a lame attempt to keep him out of her bed. How sad would it be if she needed a padlock to keep her legs shut around him?
If he dared come to her tonight, he'd find that she was strong enough to turn him away, to tell him that it simply wasn't appropriate for the two of them to continue their secret tryst while her sister was only across the hall.
She decided to fight the chill of the rain pouring down outside by running a bath. Oh yes, she would very much enjoy the fact that Smith would have to listen to the water running and know she was na**d and wet - with only her rubber ducky for company - while he sweated out the final mechanics of tomorrow's scene with her sister.
Her gut clenched tight as she thought about what tomorrow would bring. Not just more of the gentle kisses Jo and Graham's scene had ended on today, not just the adoring looks they'd had to give each other while in character during the photo shoot earlier in the week, but -
No.
She shouldn't get all twisted up about it. She'd known all along this day would come where Smith and Tatiana would film a very intimate and sexy love scene, and that was one of the reasons why she'd been so careful not to let Smith get too close...so that what happened during filming wouldn't end up destroying her.
Valentina put her fingertips into the water to test the temperature, sucking in a breath when she realized she'd made it too hot. She ran the cold tap for a few seconds, but when she tested the water again it was too cold.
She muttered a curse, the one harsh word echoing in the tiled room, as she pulled the plug to let some water out so that she could try to get it right again. But as she watched the water swirl and drain out of the tub, she suddenly saw herself in the water, pulled deeper, faster, down down down by the inescapable force of gravity.
It didn't matter how hard she'd tried to fight her attraction to Smith, or how far away from the edge of the cliff she'd stood...she'd never succeeded at doing anything but falling straight into his wide-open arms.
What, she suddenly found herself wondering, if she didn't fight it?
What if she let falling in love with him be as natural as gravity?
And what if she let Smith love her the way she'd always secretly dreamed of being loved? Was there a chance that they could work through all of the potential problems and issues that came from his career and her fear of being caught out by flashbulbs and cameras?
Kneeling by the side of the tub with the questions going around and around inside her head, she stared blindly at the water. Only when the last drops going down the drain made a loud sucking sound did it jolt her into standing up to finish getting ready for bed.
As she slid na**d between her sheets, with the comforting sound of Smith and Tatiana talking out in the living room lulling her toward an exhausted sleep, she dreamed, not of broken hearts and raw disappointments...but of strong, warm arms that held her close until the storm outside stopped raging.
* * *
After Smith said goodnight to Tatiana, the seconds that he waited to hear her bedroom door close felt more like hours. Finally, he headed across the hallway to Valentina, silently opening, then closing her door.
In the dark, he could see, just barely, Valentina's curled-up form under the covers. His heart skipped a beat as he watched her sleep. She was so beautiful, so peaceful as she breathed deeply and evenly. Her long hair was spread over the pillow and there was a small smile on her face, one that had him hoping she'd been dreaming of him.
He slid in behind her, her scent sweet and utterly intoxicating. He didn't want to wake her when he knew how badly both of them needed the rest, but he had to hold her.
"You came."
Valentina's voice was sleepy, and so damned seductive it sent every last cell in his body that wasn't already on fire up in flames.
Thanking God she wasn't angry with him for sneaking uninvited into her bed, he couldn't stop himself from slowly, softly, running one hand down her sleek curves. He wanted her, desperately, but just this chance to lie in bed with her was so precious that he would happily forgo making love if it meant getting to hold her.
Smith had always thought he had women under control, that they were a need he could turn on or off at will, that no woman could ever cause him pain.
Valentina had proved him wrong. So damned wrong.
It was how he knew for sure that he was in love with her. And love, as he'd seen first with his parents, and then with his siblings and their significant others, was worth the need, the hurt - worth absolutely everything.
He pressed a kiss to her shoulder, then to the sensitive skin at the curve of her neck. She shivered against him, then turned to put her arms around him so that her br**sts were pressed against his chest and her legs were sliding against his. She whispered his name, but he knew she was more asleep than awake.
"Shh," he murmured against her lips before he pressed a soft kiss against them and felt her drop back into sleep just that quickly. "I've got you."
Forever, if she'd have him.
