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Chapter Twenty-six
Oh God, Valentina thought as she sat in the passenger seat of Smith's car with Tatiana in the backseat, I don't want this life. I've never wanted this life.
Smith gunned the engine and flew down the street, away from the paparazzi who were still taking pictures. Valentina's mind felt at once totally full, yet completely empty. She didn't know what to think, didn't know how to deal with the strange sense of satisfaction over watching him defend her and her sister that was combined with her fear that he'd get hurt in the scuffle. Not to mention the fallout that was sure to come from his complete loss of control.
In the backseat, Tatiana had immediately called the film's head publicist so that they could get started on damage control. But Valentina couldn't even begin to concentrate on what her sister was saying.
She couldn't look away from Smith, from the way his knuckles were bruised and bloody where he'd come in contact with the edge of a camera...and then the bones of another man's jaw. His own jaw was clenched tight, and she could feel the fury, the frustration, pouring off him.
"Are you okay?"
Her voice sounded strange to her own ears - strange enough that when Smith didn't answer, she thought maybe she hadn't actually said the words aloud.
She tried again. "Your hand. It's bleeding. Are you okay?" But this time, even though she was sure she'd said it out loud, he still didn't answer. "Smith?"
He hit the brakes hard at a red light and when he turned to her, what she saw in his eyes had her breath catching in her throat.
"You're right," he said, his voice even deeper than usual. And raw. So raw.
Whatever it was she was right about, she didn't want him to say it. She just wanted everything to -
"I'm no good for you. My life is no good for you."
Oh God. She'd already thought things were bad, but this - this - was a thousand times worse.
Smith had been sure from the start. Sure that he wanted her. Sure that she wanted him. And he'd been unfailingly sure that they could figure out how to make things work when all signs pointed in the opposite direction.
She was so stunned and so deeply wounded by his declaration that she felt frozen in stone, only her sister's hand on her shoulder thawing a tiny part of her.
How badly she wished she could tell him he was wrong, and that she could handle this life. But how could she when she'd been caught in what felt like an impossible web? One made out of her beliefs that she was not, in fact, capable of dealing with the spotlight - along with intertwining threads of a ravenously hungry media and paparazzi who would always be intent on shining that light over whomever Smith chose to be with.
And if she couldn't say it, if she couldn't get out the words to make everything better, what then?
Did it mean they were over?
Just the thought of it had her stomach twisting, her chest clenching, her breath faltering. What she'd felt after seeing the horrible story about the three of them, or even when the paparazzi had been taking pictures of her, was nothing compared to actually losing Smith.
Smith pulled into the cast and crew parking lot and Tatiana squeezed her shoulder once, then said, "I'll let everyone know you're both coming soon," before getting out of the car.
Valentina looked at Smith's hand again, saw the dried blood on it, and wished she knew what to say. What to do. She always had before, had been so sure about what to go for, what to avoid. Until now. Until Smith had come into her life and everything she'd believed, everything she'd been so damn sure about, had twisted and turned and flipped around until the only thing she knew anymore was how much she wanted him, how much she enjoyed being with him, how much she needed him.
But even though she had no idea what to say or do or feel anymore, she knew one thing: they couldn't leave the car like this. Couldn't go about their day on set with "You're right, I'm no good for you," ringing in both their ears on repeat.
But just as she was about to finally reply, she saw the flashes coming from the sidewalk just beyond the set. Of course the paparazzi had come. She'd just been too shell-shocked by everything that had already happened this morning to think ahead.
Smith saw them at the same moment and reached for the door handle to get out of the car and away from the cameras when Valentina put her hand on his arm.
"Smith."
Her voice caught on his name, turning one syllable to two.
When he turned back to face her, his expression as bleak as she knew hers had to be, she had to say something. Anything. If only so he'd know that she wasn't ready to give up yet, and that she still wanted to see if they could find a way to make their happily-ever-after work out.
She opened her mouth to try to find the words, but fear had them clogging in her throat.
The faint hope that had flared in his eyes for a brief moment burned out.
Finally, he was the one who spoke. "We need to get away from the cameras."
Knowing he was right, she went with him in silence from the car to the set, which had been beefed up with extra security. Anything she could have said to him was swallowed up by the concern of the cast and crew who had become like family to them both. No one made a big deal out of Smith and Valentina being together, only about the indignity of the paparazzi cramming its way into their private business.
Business that, due to the extreme expense of shooting a movie on location, had to go forward as usual.
* * *
Six horribly tense hours later, during which everyone did their damnedest to do their job, and do it well, despite what had happened that morning, Valentina watched the married camera operator and lighting designer give each other a quick kiss between takes. Her chest clenched tight at their easy affection.
What would it have been like to be able to kiss Smith without worrying about what people would say?
But as the cameras started rolling again, Valentina knew that hadn't really been the problem. After all, she'd never cared what anyone thought about her.
She'd been a coward about trusting their relationship to keep moving forward, especially past filming when they both moved on to other projects. She'd tried to back up that cowardice by telling herself that things with Smith had come from so far out of the blue and had moved too fast, that she hadn't come into this project looking for a man that she would fall in l -
"Cut!"
When Valentina looked at Smith in surprise, and realized he was holding his phone to his ear, she froze again, thinking it must have to do with the fallout from this morning. But that wouldn't explain the quick flash of joy that moved across his face. And then she saw the name on his lips - Sophie - and she knew.
His sister was having her twins.
She was already up out of her seat as he headed toward her. "I know I'm not family," she said, "but - "
"Come be happy with me, Valentina."
God, yes, please. She wanted so badly to share in his joy. He called out for everyone to take the rest of the day off, and then they were racing each other to his car. The cameras started flashing again as soon as the two of them came into view, but even though Valentina's gut twisted again, and she could see a muscle in Smith's jaw jumping, she did her best to ignore the paparazzi.
She loved babies. The way they smelled. Their innocence. Their soft skin. Even the way they scrunched up their little faces when they were furious at the world for keeping them hungry or wet or sleepy.
She still remembered the day Tatiana was born, the immediate love she'd felt for her baby sister. Her mother had let her hold the newborn within minutes of the birth and when her sister had looked up at her with her big blue eyes, Valentina had tumbled heart-first into a love so strong it had shaped her entire life.
"My mother said she's been having contractions for most of the morning and that they're close enough now for all of us to come."
God, she thought as despair rolled through her, she loved the sound of his voice. It was going to be so hard not to hear it every day...especially the way he whispered her name in her ear with such passion as he came into her.
Still, she needed to try to keep it together right now. At least until Sophie had her babies.
"Did Mary say how Sophie was doing?" Valentina couldn't help but worry that the sweetest, softest Sullivan was dealing with something more difficult than she could bear. Especially when she knew that Smith and Sophie shared a special closeness. "Is she in a lot of pain?"
"Sophie is far tougher than she looks," he told her, but Valentina could see how worried he was for his younger sister. "For all her big talk, Lori's the pussycat. Sophie can hold her own."
She could hear the tension in his voice, tension that was only partially due to his concerns over how Sophie was doing.
They'd been so close that morning...and now?
Valentina took a breath that shook through her, hard enough that Smith turned his intense gaze to her for a moment. It hurt too bad to think about what had happened to them between last night and this afternoon.
Somehow she managed to think clearly enough to ask him, "Tell me about Sophie and her husband. How did they meet?"
Smith paused for a long moment before answering. "Jake is a family friend. As far back as I can remember, he was always in the house. Sophie fell in love with him when she was just a little girl."
When he said the word love, for a moment, Valentina felt like she was going to shatter.
Especially when he said, "They were so different, Valentina. Too different, it seemed," and his smile fell away. "She's a librarian. He owns pubs. She's quiet, calm. He's loud, came from a rough background, is covered in tattoos."
Valentina's throat was so tight she could hardly get words out. "But they made it work."
Smith pulled into the hospital parking lot and turned his dark gaze to her. "He loves her just as much as she loves him. So, yeah, they make it work."
* * *
Stepping into the waiting room was like walking into a Sullivan family party. All of Smith's brothers and sisters were there, ready and excited to meet two new additions, hopefully tonight.
The only thing that could possibly dim their happiness was the concern he could see etched on all their faces. Everyone was worried about him. Because he'd never even come close to punching out a photographer before.
Marcus and Nicola greeted them first with hugs. Smith hadn't been too sure about them as a couple the first time he saw them together. In fact, he'd warned his brother away from getting too close to a pop star because he hadn't thought her lifestyle would suit the most low-key and serious of all his brothers. But he'd been wrong. They were perfect together. Just like Sophie and Jake were, despite his reservations when he'd heard that Jake had gotten Sophie pregnant after a one-night stand.
Smith knew he and Valentina had been perfect together, too. Until his glittering world had come crashing down onto them and blown their new, too-fragile connection to pieces.
When Nicola moved to hug Valentina, Marcus shot Smith a look that was easy to read.
What the hell is happening to you?
Smith shook his head. He didn't want to talk about it now, didn't want to let all the crap that came with his fame overshadow one of the biggest, most important moments in their family. He knew his brothers would have happily hunted down the paparazzi and kicked their asses to protect him, that they hated not being able to protect and defend one of their own. But he also knew they would continue to respect his wishes that they not engage, or get themselves into trouble on his behalf. He was the one who had chosen this career, not them.
Damn it, it was just the reason why he needed to let Valentina go. He was trying so hard to do what was right for her...even if nothing had ever felt so wrong.
Ryan's fiancee, Vicki, and his sister Lori greeted Valentina as if she was an old friend, and he loved them all so much for making her laugh, especially after the way her voice had broken in the car that morning when she'd said his name.
But then, another woman in labor was pushed past them in a wheelchair, moaning in pain as she gripped her stomach, and suddenly, all Smith could think of was Sophie.
He tried to be an honest man, with others and himself, but until this moment he hadn't really wanted to think too hard about the reality - and the risks - of Sophie giving birth to twins. And even though she'd insisted to him a hundred times over as he'd checked in with her at least twice a day that she was the healthiest pregnant woman on the planet, he found himself spinning off into worries he could no longer control.
Damn it, why hadn't he seen Jake making his move on his sister? Maybe then he could have stopped all of this from happening and she wouldn't now be in the hospital where anything could go -
"Smith."
He hadn't seen Valentina move in front of him, was surprised to hear her say, "I think this is the perfect time to use your infamous movie-star charm to convince a nurse to let you check on Sophie so that you can see for yourself that everything is going to be fine."
Her calm broke through the fog clogging his brain like the beam from a lighthouse. It was another reason why they were a perfect match: If he ever started to go off the rails - which was pretty damn easy to do in his line of work - he could count on Valentina to lovingly, but firmly, bring him back to the center of the tracks. He'd seen her do the very same thing at least a dozen times with her sister during filming, so in tune with Tatiana that she always honed in on just when her sister needed her most.
How could he let her go? Even if it was the right thing to do for her? Even if she'd have a better life without him?
The flash of a camera came through the waiting room's glass door. A split second later, Valentina was saying, in a voice laced with fury, "You all need to stay here for Sophie. I'll handle this."
* * *
"This isn't okay."
Valentina walked right up to the men and women holding the cameras. They had obviously been tipped off as to where she and Smith were going when they left the set. Or maybe, she thought, they'd gotten here first but had been lying in wait for the perfect chance to take pictures of the whole family when they finally emerged into the more public area of the hospital. The hows didn't really matter, though, not when the only thing that mattered was that they leave.
"I know he's a star, that his picture sells papers and advertisements, but can't you at least give him this? Just a few hours to be alone with his family?"
The cameras kept clicking as she spoke and she knew she was feeling just what Smith had that morning on her doorstep. Like she'd do anything she had to if only she could get them to leave.
"Please." She hadn't had the words earlier when Smith had needed them from her, wasn't sure she had it in her to sacrifice her privacy, or to sign up for the circus that would likely always be his life. Now, even though it was too little, too late, nothing could stop her from saying, "Tell me what you want so that you'll leave the Sullivan family alone today. Tell me and I'll do whatever I can to make sure you have it."
She didn't even have time to take her next breath before the first question came. "Is it true that Smith has been dating both you and your sister secretly?"
"No."
"Then who is he really with?"
"Me. Just me."
"How long have you been with Smith?"
"Four weeks."
"Were you dating in secret?"
"Yes."
"Did your sister know?"
"No."
"Does he love you?"
She shook her head, knowing tears were going to start falling soon. "I don't know."
"Are you in love with him?"
Tears began to fall down her cheeks, one after the other. "Yes, I love him."
And with that, she knew she'd given them exactly what they wanted. A clear shot of the endless depth of her love for Smith...and the fear and uncertainty that came right alongside it.
"Now, please," she asked them, "go."
Amazingly, they did, but she still stood right where she was to make sure they didn't change their minds at the last second. When she finally turned around, she walked right into a hard chest.
"Smith?"
"I don't deserve you."
He cupped her face in his hands and looked down at her, his eyes blazing with dark, intense heat, and she realized he must have seen and heard everything.
"I know you deserve more than this," he told her. "You deserve better than to be thrust into my crazy life, but I'm too much of a selfish son of a bitch to let you go."
His mouth came down on hers, crushing her lips in a kiss that held nothing back. And just like every one of their kisses that had come before, she couldn't hold anything back from him, either.
"I love you, Valentina. I love that you're here with my family. And I can't wait to remind you how stunned you looked that day I told you I loved you, too, while we were standing in a hospital waiting room, surrounded by bright fluorescent lights and cheap blue plastic chairs."
"Smith Sullivan?" a middle-aged nurse called. "I'm ready to take you back to see your sister now."
He gave her one more breath-stealing kiss and then he was heading into the maternity ward to make sure his sister was okay.
* * *
The swinging doors had barely closed behind Smith and the maternity nurse when Lori moved to Valentina's side.
"I knew it."
Valentina still felt so stunned, so overwhelmed by what Smith had told her not just once, but three times in a row, and by what she'd told the photographers - "Yes, I love him" - that she couldn't have made her lips form a response to his sister for the life of her. Smith's brothers and their significant others weren't nearly as overt, but she could tell they were all paying rapt attention to the way things would play out from here.
But for all of Lori's energy and enthusiasm, she clearly wasn't without empathy, because she linked her arm through Valentina's and said, "Anywhere I am waiting for something important, if there's a coffee machine, I make sure to buy a cup. Kind of a little superstition, I guess. Want one?"
A minute later, Valentina was holding a cup of truly disgusting-looking coffee. Looking down at the watery sludge, then back at Lori, she said, "Thank you."
Smith's sister smiled at her. As beautiful as he was, each member of his family held a different shade of that beauty. Lori's beauty, however, was so stunning upon first glance, that Valentina was suddenly reminded of her sister and mother and had to wonder if Lori'd had a difficult time moving past her looks.
Suddenly noticing how tired Lori looked and that she was wearing tights, a sparkly skirt, and ballroom dance shoes, Valentina asked, "Would you mind if we sat down for a few minutes?"
As Lori gratefully sank into the one of the chairs, Valentina thought she saw more than tiredness on her pretty face. There was sadness there, too, all but rippling outward to Valentina as Lori momentarily dropped her perky cover. For all that she was reeling from Smith's declaration a few minutes ago, Valentina found herself wanting to reach out to Lori.
"Is everything okay?"
Lori's eyes widened with surprise and for a moment it looked like her face was going to crumple. But then she was shaking her head and saying, "I'm just thinking about Sophie. You know, the whole twin connection and her pain is my pain, and all that."
Valentina didn't doubt that Lori was, in fact, very concerned about Sophie's wellbeing...but she also didn't fully believe what Smith's sister had just said.
Only, before she could let Lori know that she was happy to listen anywhere, any time, if she had something she wanted to talk about, Lori sipped at her coffee and made a face.
"My God, I think this just might be the worst machine-dispensed coffee I've ever had." A beat later, she was turning her attention back to Valentina.
"Smith is the most driven of all of us," Lori told her and Valentina knew how extraordinary a statement that was, considering how successful each and every one of the Sullivans was. "I used to think that he was waiting to hit a certain stage of his career before he gave his personal life the same priority. But now I know that wasn't it."
Lori smiled at her with such open affection that Valentina felt the tightness in her chest start to fade.
"He was simply waiting for the right woman." She squeezed Valentina's hand. "I'm so glad he's found you."
* * *
Smith found Sophie and Jake bracing for a contraction when he walked into their room wearing the scrubs the nurse had given him. His heart stopped for a moment as he saw his elegant and soft-spoken sister gritting her teeth and groaning low and long as the pain hit her. Her husband had one hand in hers, the other brushing back the damp hair from her forehead as he whispered encouraging words into her ear.
His mother put her arm around him and said in a low voice, "The anesthesiologist has just been in. Her pain should be lessening soon."
Smith could barely swallow past the lump in his throat. He couldn't stand to see his baby sister in pain, even if giving birth was supposed to be the most natural thing in the world. Yes, he and Tatiana had played this out on screen, but pretending to be in labor was very, very different from actually going through it.
Finally, when the contraction finished having its way with her, Sophie looked up through eyes blurred with pain and gave him a weak smile.
"Smith. You're here."
He quickly moved to the open seat at her other side. "Of course I am, sweetheart." He pressed a kiss to her cheek, and took her hand in his.
Seven months ago, the four of them - Sophie, Jake, his mother, and Smith - had been in another hospital room together. He'd flown in from Australia not just to make sure his sister had come through her emergency surgery in one piece, but also to give a piece of his mind to the man he'd called a friend. The man Smith believed had betrayed them all by seducing his sister.
It hadn't taken him long, fortunately, to accept the love between Sophie and Jake, and to understand just how long in coming it had been. His mother, it turned out, had always seen it, but then again, when had she ever missed one single thing for any of them? And, of course, Mary Sullivan was the first one Smith had confessed his own feelings to. Because he'd known she'd understand and support him, no matter whom he loved, or how difficult it had been to convince that one precious woman to love him back.
"Yes, I love him," Valentina had said. And there had never been sweeter words spoken, or ones that touched his heart so deeply. And even if the first time he heard her say those words had been to a bunch of paparazzi, instead of directly to him, he wouldn't ever want her to take them back.
"How is Valentina?" Sophie asked him as if she could read his mind. She grinned before he could reply and said, "You knew Lori would tell me about the two of you."
"Amazing," he told his sister as he thought of the way Valentina had faced the paparazzi and sacrificed herself to their spotlights - for him and for his family - without fear, without hesitation. "She's absolutely amazing."
"Oh Smith, I'm so h - "
Her words were cut off by another contraction. Her hand clamped down on his so hard he heard his joints crack at the force of her small, strong fingers wrapped around his much bigger fingers.
Every last ounce of Jake's concentration was on his wife, and soothing her pain, even though it was clear to Smith that he was barely holding on to his own control. If Smith had any final reservations about his friend's love for his sister, they were all dispelled as he witnessed Jake's utter devotion to Sophie.
When the contraction finally passed, and her grip had loosened the slightest bit, she gave them both a watery smile. "I think that one was a little better."
"You're doing so great, sweetheart," Smith told her, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm so proud of you."
She smiled at him, such a pure sweet smile full of love, and in that moment she was again the quiet little girl he'd always taken special care of, making sure that his louder brothers and sister didn't run roughshod over her.
But, just as he'd said to Valentina, Sophie was a heck of a lot tougher than people gave her credit for. Tough enough to withstand the pain of yet another contraction as it hit her like a Mack truck.
Smith turned to meet his mother's eyes and even though he knew she didn't like seeing her daughter in pain any more than the rest of them, it was clear where Sophie had gotten her strength from. Mary Sullivan looked delicate, and was just as beautiful now as she'd been in her modeling days...but they'd all learned their strength from her.
Looking back at his sister, Smith saw that Sophie's head was buried in the crook of Jake's shoulder as she worked to get her breath back between contractions. Smith would always be there for her, but now he finally realized she didn't need him to protect her from the world anymore.
She had Jake. And Smith knew with utter certainty that her husband would never let any of them down. Especially not the woman who meant absolutely everything to him.
With another kiss to her cheek, Smith said, "I love you, Soph. And I can't wait to meet your babies." He silently passed on his trust, and faith, to Jake, who accepted it with a nod.
Smith slipped his fingers from hers and left his sister with the two people he trusted with her life. Sophie had found the forever love that she'd been looking for.
And so had he.
