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It hadn’t taken long to figure out that Ace was back in Afghanistan. He let out a stream of expletives and given instructions in a loud, terse voice.
“What you need, bro? Fuck, can you see me?”
“Get down! Get down!”
And then he’d covered his ears and rocked back and forth as if something terrible had happened.
Even now, remembering it makes me tremble. Ace went from the strong, caring, fun man Luna and I had spent the day with to a frightening one caught up in his own nightmares. How can a nightmare be so real that you act it out? It was frightening, to be honest, and I’d wanted him gone. With hindsight, I know he wouldn’t have hurt me. He didn’t have a real weapon for starters and he wasn’t throwing punches.
The sound of a key in the door brings me back to the present and I sigh with relief when I see Vanessa. I’ve never been so glad to see someone.
“Hi,” she says looking around. “I expected the lover boy to be around.”
“And I expected you a lot later. Don’t tell me, you fought with Miles?”
She rolls her eyes. “Is it possible to get some coffee around here?”
“Sure,” I say and lead the way to the kitchen. I’m desperate to talk to someone and as soon as I make the coffee, I spill out everything to Vanessa. I’m hoping that she might have some insight into the whole thing as she’s a nurse.
“Have you ever heard of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?” she says.
“Sure. It happens to people who’ve undergone some sort of trauma,” I tell her.
“And soldiers,” she says. “Veterans of war. They’re physical back home but mentally, they’re still in a war zone.”
Her words describe what I saw with Ace. Understanding dawns. Of course, I’ve read about PTSD but I’ve never associated the mental condition with soldiers. It makes sense though because in essence soldiers go through trauma over and over again.
My compassion for Ace rises. I wish I could alleviate his pain.
“We have a therapist who runs a support group at the hospital. He specializes in trauma and from what I understand he used to be a soldier as well. His name is Robert Glass.”
“Do you have his contact info?” I ask Vanessa.
Ace is Luna’s dad. I should do everything I can to help. For Luna. I get a paper and pen and hand them to Vanessa.
Later in the afternoon, Vanessa and I take Luna to the park. I can’t stop thinking about Ace. I want to see him one more time. Just to give him the contact details of the therapist. That’s all.
“Push!” Luna squeals as I push her back and forth on the swing.
Vanessa takes pictures with her phone. Luna and I are making memories but without her dad. Last night’s events proved to me that I can’t tell Ace about Luna yet. He has to get help first.
My phone vibrates and when I see the name on the screen, I call Vanessa to take my place.
I swiped the screen to answer the call. “Hi, Declan.”
“Lexi, hi,” he says, his voice unnervingly similar to Ace’s.
The resemblance between the brothers ends there. Declan has an air of restlessness. He always seems like he should be somewhere else. Ace on the other hand emits peace. He’s restful to be with. When he’s with you, you know that he’s exactly where he wants to be.
His call does not come as a surprise. Ace talks about Park a lot and I knew that he would tell Declan that Ace and I had been together.
“You haven’t told him, have you?” he says.
“No,” I tell him. “And I’m not planning to just yet.”
I hear his sharp intake of breath. “Why not?”
I feel like a traitor with my next words, but Declan deserves an explanation. “He’s not well, Declan. He has PTSD and I’m not willing to risk having Luna around him.”
“Who said that?” Declan explodes.
“Trust me. It’s true.”
“I’ve just spent the better part of the afternoon with him and nothing’s wrong with the man. Whoever told you that lied to you.”
One thing I’ve learned about Declan is that he would do anything for his brother. “No one told me, I saw it myself.”
He’s quiet for a few seconds. “Ace wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
I know in my heart that what Declan says is true. Ace in the right frame of mind would not hurt anyone. But he’s not himself. “I know.”
“He needs a reason to be happy again,” Declan says. “Give it to him. Tell him that he has a daughter.”
Tears fill my eyes. I can’t do as Declan says. The same way that he’s looking out for his brother is the same way that I’m looking out for my daughter. “Not yet. But I’ll be a friend and when I see some improvement, I’ll tell him.”
