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I remember thinking when I first met her that she did not resemble Vanessa in the least and concluded that she had taken after her dad in looks. And she does resemble her dad. She has the same dark hair that Declan and I have and brown eyes. Her facial features have been softened to suit a female.
I want to do so much for her. Be there for her. Be the kind of dad that I wish I’d had. I want her to know that she’s loved and accepted for who she is, and I have no desire for her to be like any other person.
A feeling of pride comes over me and I feel like I can fly. I have a daughter! I want to shout it to the whole world. It hits me that I’m headed in the wrong direction. As much as I want to speak to Declan, it’s not urgent. It can wait.
What cannot wait is to hug Luna. Hug her, not like her Aunt’s friend, but as her dad. A need to see and hold my daughter comes over me. I look for the next exit.
I inhale deeply when I think of Lexi and how we parted. I was a jerk. I see that now. I let my emotions get the better of me. A child is a serious business and as a parent, you must make the right decisions for them. Lexi was wrong to keep Luna from me but knowing the person she is, I am sure she did it for the right reasons.
I was quick to judge her when in reality finding yourself pregnant with no father in sight would be daunting and frightening. I owe her an apology.
Another thought crosses my mind. One that makes my legs weak. What if Lexi decides that I’m not fit to be around my daughter? A cold sweat breaks out of me as I remember the PTSD episode that I had.
That’s enough evidence to keep Luna away from me. Calm down, soldier, I tell myself. If she didn’t want me in Luna’s life, she wouldn’t have told me that I was her dad. I breathe in deeply.
I step on the gas. I need to be with my daughter.
Chapter 16
Lexi
“Sit down, you’re driving me crazy,” Vanessa says.
“Oh Vanessa, I think I lost him!” I wail. Luna looks up from where she’s playing on the floor. My tone has startled her.
I smile automatically, and reassured them, she goes back to her play.
“Maybe but you did the right thing,” she says. “You told him the truth.”
Vanessa is right. I shouldn’t have waited so long to tell Ace about Luna. A feeling of panic seizes me. I can’t bear to lose Ace and not just because he’s Luna’s dad. I’ve come to discover what a great guy he is. He’s not the asshole I’d pegged him to be.
“You should tell Declan,” Vanessa says, and I shake my head.
“I will, but not tonight,” I say.
“Do you want me to call in sick?” Vanessa says.
I turn to her. My chest swells for the love I have for my sister. “No, I’ll be fine. Have I told you what a great little sister you are?”
“Nothing compared to you, Lexi. You’ve been my mom in all but name. You paid for my college for fuck’s sake.” Her voice breaks.
I go and sit on the couch next to her and we hug. My little sister; I don’t know what I would have done without her. When I found out that I was pregnant, she was the one who had calmed me down, assured me that between the two of us we would be able to raise the baby.
And she had helped me search for Ace until she found Declan. A giggle escapes my mouth as a memory comes to me. Vanessa on the phone when she found a Carter and assumed that he was Ace.
“Are you Ace Carter?” Vanessa had said, gripping the phone hard.
I tried to pry it away from her to no avail. “Let me speak to him!”
“How dare you sleep with my sister and then dump her!”
She went still as Declan interrupted from the other end of the phone. I found out later that he asked what was her sister’s name and then Vanessa lost it. She’d let out a string of expletives.
The next thing she heard was a loud thud and then it had gone quiet.
“Hello,” Vanessa said over and over again, and then to my surprise, she laughed until tears came to her eyes.
“What, what’s going on?” I remember asking.
“The bastard’s fainted! I’m sure he’s fainted.”
We laughed uproariously for the next ten minutes until the seriousness of the situation caught up with us and we got ourselves under control.
Now, Vanessa and I double up with laughter at the memory. We laugh until Luna stops playing and waddles to me. She places her hands on my knees and starts laughing too.
