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“Okay.” I feel sad for us. This is not the happy moving in day that we had both envisioned. We may have rushed it. Perhaps if we had taken some time, I would not be feeling panicky, as though I’ve made a mistake.
As soon as they leave, I grab my cell phone and call Vanessa. I feel bad to bother her, but I desperately need to speak to someone who will understand. She answers on the second ring.
“Missing me already?” she says.
“Vanessa, I think I made a mistake. I want to come back home,” I whisper into the phone.
“Why, did something happen?” she says.
“No nothing. But what if it does? What if we’re moving too fast?” Words tumble out of my mouth. “He wants to buy me a car, Vanessa,” I moan. “He’s taking over my life.”
To my surprise, Vanessa bursts out laughing. “Other women would kill to have a man offer to buy them a car whereas, for my dear sister, it’s a reason to induce panic. I love you, Lexi.”
“I’m being weird?” I say miserably.
“Yes, you,” Vanessa says. “Very weird. Ace is a good man. Give him a chance to take care of you and Luna.”
When we hang up, I feel marginally better and the panic that had come over me has melted away.
***
Luna seems pretty happy in her new room. Ace sits at the foot of the bed and listens as I read her a story. We don’t get to the halfway point before she’s snoring.
“She must have been very tired,” I say.
We haven’t exchanged more than twenty words since he and Luna returned from their walk. I look at Ace now, looking solemn and I wonder if he has regrets. Does he wish he was not so quick to invite us to move in?
“She played in the play area outside for a good twenty minutes and she made some friends,” Ace says.
I smile at the thought of Luna making friends. I kiss her soft cheek and murmur goodnight. Ace kisses her forehead and we pad out of the room.
“Let’s leave the door open in case she wakes up at night,” Ace says.
“That will be a first,” I tell Ace. “But yeah, it’s a good idea.”
Back in the living room, I settle down on the leather chair. Ace has the kind of seats that you would happily live in for the rest of your life. They’re comfortable and malleable, adjusting to the shape of your body when you sit down.
“What was she like as a baby?” Ace asks.
Memories wash over me. Luna’s first bath at home. How Vanessa and I were terrified that we might drop her into the water. Her first night. She had slept so deeply that we had woken her up several times during the night, just to check that she was still alive.
I tell Ace all of these. He chuckles in some parts and in others I feel his sadness.
“She has always slept throughout the night. No night feeds for our Luna,” I tell him.
“She probably knew her mom was alone and tried to be as cooperative as possible,” Ace says.
“I wasn’t alone. I had Vanessa.” I’m about to add Declan when I stop right on time.
“It’s not the same as having another parent,” Ace points out.
“That’s true.”
“You won’t be alone ever again. I’m here and I’m not going away,” Ace says.
His words hover between us. A tension that had not been there sprouts up. I cross my arms over my chest.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you Lexi, but I am now. Give me a chance to make it up to you. To be what you need,” Ace says.
I want to so badly. Fear is holding me back. Making me want to retreat to my safe place. Go back home and continue our safe lives with Vanessa. “It’s not easy to move out of the only home you’ve known all your life.” It’s a huge admission for me to make.
“I know. You did well not to give in to your natural instincts to run back home,” Ace says.
I grin. “How did you know?”
“Your face. You looked like a caged bird that had found a small opening to flee,” Ace says.
“I’m sorry. It will probably take some time to get used to all this.” I gesture around me.
“I understand. I also know it will take time before you trust me enough to know that I’m committed to you and Luna. I’ll never kick you out of this house. You have as much right to it as I do.”
Does the man read minds? He has managed to summarize my worries in a few sentences.
The atmosphere is easier after that. Slowly we get back to our easy friendship and we chat late into the night. I decide to sleep in the master bedroom, but we don’t make love. Instead, I fall asleep in Ace’s arms.
