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“You could accept it on their behalf?” I suggest slowly.
He turns to me. “I hadn’t thought of it like that.” He nods. “I like it.”
I let out a long breath.
“I saw a little Afghan girl once, playing with other kids. Then she ran across the road after a ball that had rolled to a nearby field. Normal enough. Except that as soon as she stopped to pick the ball, an explosion went off and she was blown to pieces.” Ace drops his head into his hands and his shoulder shake. He doesn’t make any noises, but I know that he’s crying. I’m in way over my head. I search around frantically for someone else to come and take charge here. Someone who knows what to do when a strong soldier breaks down.
There is no one here, Lexi. Ace needs you. Right now.
I inhale deeply. I can do this. I scramble across the space between us. Swing my left leg across his lap and straddle him. Then I wrap my hands around his neck. His arms go around me and he holds me tight.
We sit that way, losing all track of time. I think about what he said. A little girl blown to pieces. I can’t imagine seeing something like that. I can’t imagine anyone having to have that image imprinted in their minds forever. I know if it were me, I’d have broken down. I understand PTSD a whole lot better. More so when Ace continues to talk and tell me more stories of things he has seen. Tears stream down my face as I listen to tales of suffering, loss of life, and poverty. War makes poverty worse.
“I think a lot about some of the families I came to know. Families who woke up every morning with fear for what that day will bring. I think about the little kids, some as young as Luna.” Ace pauses to gather himself.
I sniff loudly.
“They did nothing to be born in a lawless place,” Ace says. “I try not to think too much about them. It leaves me with a feeling of hopelessness and helplessness.”
“It’s hard enough to listen,” I tell him and dab at my eyes. “I cannot imagine how heartbreaking it is to witness it. To know how uncertain those children’s future is.”
We fall into a comfortable silence.
“Is there anything a person can do?” I ask Ace.
“I don’t know,” Ace says. “I guess there must be.”
Chapter 26
Ace
I feel oddly at peace as I sit in my uniform with the other recipients of the silver star medals. We are in a beautiful park close to my home base. It’s a beautiful day for an outdoor ceremony, with the sun out but not hot enough to be uncomfortable.
Images from my time in combat go through my mind. They are nothing like my nightmares of flashbacks. These are smiling faces of soldiers I knew who laid down their lives for our country. Soldiers who should have been here with me to receive an award. I’m here to receive it on their behalf. Lexi was right. That’s the only way to look at this ceremony.
I swing my gaze to where she’s seated, next to my parents and Declan. Unbeknown to me, the military sent a similar letter to the one they sent me addressed to my parents. I’ll chew Declan out for not warning me that the three of them were planning to attend the ceremony. I only saw them after the formal ceremony had begun. I’m glad to see my father looking well. Seeing them conjures all sorts of feelings in me. Inadequacy is at the very top. But when I glance at Lexi, that feeling fades. Here’s a woman who doesn’t compare me to Declan. Having grown up being compared to my older brother, it feels good having someone else in my life who doesn’t put my brother first.
Then there’s Luna. I’m her daddy. I love hearing her sweet voice say that word. Irreplaceable. A title for which I don’t have to compete with anyone. My gratitude to Lexi for giving me a daughter fills my heart. She gave me a child to call my own.
The time comes for us to receive the medals. I stand tall and proud as the Lieutenant Colonel puts the award over my neck. I grip the shiny metal.
Thank you for your sacrifice.
I’m proud to be a veteran. I’m proud of the sacrifices I made for my country. Dealing with PTSD is the price I have to pay but it’s a small one compared to the others who have paid that price with their lives.
After the ceremony, there’s a buffet, and tables are quickly arranged on the lawn. When I join my parents and Declan, he is already introducing Lexi to them.
“She’s Luna’s mom,” Declan says, implying that he had already told them that they have a grandchild.
