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“Wow!” Lexi says. “I wasn’t expecting that.” Another nervous laugh escapes her lips.
“What do you say, Lexi? Me, you, and Luna make such a great team.”
Luna chooses that moment to wake up. “Mama?” she calls from her crib.
I love my daughter, but this is one moment where I wish she would have slept on. Lexi busies herself seeing to Luna. She replaces her pull up diaper and then feeds her a packed portion of fruits.
My insides are tight with tension. I have a feeling that she’s going to say no. Maybe she thinks I’m moving too fast and maybe I am. But when you find that rare person who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you don’t want to waste any time.
When she’s done, Lexi hands Luna to me and I stand up and strap her into a baby carrier and we walk to the edge of the boat so she can look at the water. Luna waves her little hands around excitedly.
“She loves it,” Lexi says joining us at the railing.
“She does.” My voice is tight with tension. It’s not every day that I propose to a woman. We stand quietly watching the rise and fall of the waves. “I’d like an answer to my question Lexi,” I say quietly.
I hear her sharp intake of breath from where I’m standing.
My heart races. An image of life without Lexi and Luna comes over me. I do something I never do. I allow my mouth to run off with me and I talk. Ramble.
“I thought how nice it would be for you to leave work and just relax. I’ll take care of you and Luna. You’ve never not worked. It would be a nice break for you. Wake up with no schedule or anywhere you are expected to be.”
Lexi stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. She blinks rapidly as if her vision is deceiving her.
“What the fuck are you talking about? Why would I stop working? So I can rely on you? Leave myself vulnerable to your whims and wishes? Hell no!”
I hit my forehead unable to believe how wrong this has gone. “That’s not what I mean. So, will you marry me?”
If Declan was here, he would be falling over laughing at how badly I’ve fucked up.
“Is this what you had planned all along? Get me and Luna to move in with you, convince me to leave my job, and then marry you? Never mind what I want?” she snaps.
“No of course not, Lexi! You know me better than that.” I’m starting to get mad. She can’t believe all those things that she’s saying.
And then she takes a step back. As if I’m fucking dangerous!
“I don’t ever plan on getting married so if that’s what you want, I suggest you look for someone else,” she says coldly.
“All you needed to say was no thank you,” I say tightly.
She looks away moodily. Minutes ago, I was sure that she felt the same way I did. That she too wanted to spend her life with me. I feel hurt.
We stand there watching the ocean, close but miles apart.
“Let’s go back,” I tell her. There doesn’t seem any point in staying where we are. The magic is gone.
Lexi and I don’t do well out at sea. This is the second time that we’ve fought but this one is worse than a fight. It’s a rejection.
Chapter 33
Lexi
My heart is heavy with regret. It’s three days since Ace proposed and the atmosphere between us has been tense. I miss him and with the wisdom that the passage of time brings I know that again I overreacted. I feel stupid now when I remember the things I accused him of.
Today is a slow one at work and I’ve polished and wiped all the surfaces. I reach into my pocket for my phone. I have to make amends for my behavior. But first I quickly text Vanessa and ask her if she can babysit this evening. Then I find Ace’s number and text him.
Me: Hi, would you like to go out for a drink?
He responds immediately. He’s off work today but he was meeting with Declan for a pub lunch at the First Bar.
Ace: Who’ll watch Luna?
My heart melts. As usual, his responsibilities come first.
Me: Vanessa will.
Ace: In that case, yes.
Me: Can I come to First Bar?
Ace: Sure.
My heart clenches. His messages are so to-the-point and emotionless. What do you expect, I ask myself? I turned down his marriage proposal but that’s not the worst of it. I did it in a callous, nasty way. I should have found a gentle way to say no. Maybe plead for more time to get to know each other. I can imagine his mother’s knowing look when Ace tells her that he has proposed, and I said yes. She’d think I’d accepted the proposal because of the trust fund.
